or, as sure as your name is Yagoda our base will drown us like blind kittens..." said General Secretary Barackiev as the small regular gathering of advisers picks at the meager remains of a late night meal of baked sturgeon, marbled rye, deruny and olives, drinking trendy micro distilled tarragon vodka.
Political commisar Axelrodinin carefully spreads some caviar on a cracker, combs his 'stache and observes... "Yes, I have heard the rumblings from Leningrad, the vanguard of the revolution is calling us "appeasers" and "capitalist accommodating bourgeoisie"...as if they have not fully indulged themselves in counter-revolutionary fetishism of terminology like shameless drunks in a distillery these past months...."
"Da, da" replys Barackiev noshing on a forkful of endive "...they don't realize how hard it is to reconcile the politboro... it's not like the good old days of Dzhugashvili, who would have lead Josef Libermanikvetch pissing his pantaloons to the Lubyanka and put one in his neck... now that guy could craft some legislation. Still I have been convinced the kossacks must be accommodated, we might need them when the tea baggers attack from Georgia."
"Let us make a list, then," sighs Rahmka "...Gibbsinsky, have you brought your notebook?"
"Da."
"Well, we know they want Josef Januskaya, shall we send him to Mexico City and dispatch him with an ice hammer?..." yawns Axlerodinin, looking, as always, in need of a nap.
"How can we do that?" moans Rahmka "the man had a 100% rating with both Naral and Planned Parenthood and 90% from the NAACCCP! Who do we dispatch to plead when Comrade Nelsonivich wants to go full Stupak with his 41st vote?"
"Nelsonivich, then?" suggests Premiere Barackiev .
"He's from White Army territory, with a 80% rating from the NAACCCP. That idiot to his South, Robertsiev clocks in at 27%... what do we tell the Black Sea caucus when we can't prevent a filibuster on a jobs bill?" Rahmka groans, looking a little sick.
"Lincolnski then, surely she can go?" says Gibbsinsky looking a bit desperate.
"And where else will we get two Senators from a Confederate state that both have top ratings from Naral, Planned Parenthood, and Environment America? I'm not thinking Mississippi...." Rahmka replies, arching a brow.
"O.K." mumbles Axlerodinin, looking like he's about to nod out, "Maria Landrieuskov it must be."
"Same thing" Rahmka puts his hand to his head "have you seen her compariot Vitterslutski's voting record? If she's primaried and loses what kind of offal's going to come floating up the Volga with a vote...David Dukeskiev?
"Man, this being a tyrant shit is hard!" observes Barackiev, picking his teeth with a herring bone and reaching for a Camel Light. "Josef Januskya Libermanikvetch gets ice hammered then... no more Joementum out of his wrinkled ass... at least Kiev will send us someone we can live with."
Rahmka looks up anxiously.
"Alright, boss... but can we at least wait till we pass Cap and Trade?"