WASHINGTON - the senate Democratic leadership announced today the completion of secretly negotiated climate change legislation. The legislation, the announcement of which was a surprise to many in Washington, is claimed to be both far-reaching and broadly bipartisan.
The bill, a non-binding senate resolution negotiated by Sens. Snowe, Lieberman and Nelson, states that the environment "is nice" and "shouldn’t be destroyed on purpose, unless somebody really wants to", and while not everything senate liberals had wanted out of climate legislation, most of the mainstream democratic leadership agrees that it’s the best progressives had any right to expect. The bill also includes $890 billion in subsidies and tax incentives for the states of Maine, Connecticut and Nebraska, and it’s expected to pass through the senate 60 votes to 39, with senator Snowe either voting for the bill or abstaining, depending on her mood. She has, according to senate majority leader Harry Ried, made a firm commitment not to participate in a filibuster of the bill, although she has yet to commit to actually vote to end the planned Republican filibuster.
Liberals, predictably, are throwing a childish tantrum over the bill, with activists making outlandish claims that the bill "doesn’t do anything" or, in extreme cases, arguing that "it isn’t even a bill, it’s just a non binding resolution and billions in giveaways to the states of the senators who negotiated it", but most calmer heads in the democratic senate agree that the bill is a solid foundation upon which stronger climate control policy can be built.
"This bill, however imperfect, is a strong expression of the United States government’s commitment to bipartisanship, and to a lesser degree to protecting the environment" said press secretary Robert Gibbs said in a briefing called shortly after the announcement of the bill. "If you look back to the campaign you’ll find that President Obama’s position on global climate change has always been clear. He campaigned on a pro-environment platform and, while he would have signed a bill that mandated action to reduce carbon emissions, a non-binding resolution that the environment is nice is a very good start, and well in keeping with the Presidents environmental policy. And the bipartisan support it receives, with one Republican senator considering voting for it, shows how Obama‘s managed to unite the country on this issue."
"Besides," Gibbs added, winking, "the liberal activists were against mandates during the health care debate, now they want climate legislation that mandates things? Shouldn’t they make up their mind?"
The press corp., by all accounts, found this hilarious.
WH chief of staff, Rahm Emmanuel, meanwhile, released a memo to sitting Democratic senators applauding the resolution, commenting that from a political perspective it was a sure winner. "The fact that it doesn’t do anything," he said, "means it can’t possibly do anything to offend anyone. And the fact that liberals hate it proves to the American people that we’re moderate and reasonable. And the fact that so much still needs to be done means that the liberal rubes will line up to support us in ‘10 in the hopes that we’ll improve on the legislation. It really is a win-win bill, and I hope we can pass it before the new year."
And, by all accounts, the Senate is confident it will be. "I’ve worked harder than any Senate majority leader in history," said Ried about the approaching bill, "and the White House has been twisting arms behind the scenes, and I’m confident that when the vote happens in one weeks time it will pass, and this historic piece of climate change legislation can then move on to the house."
Update: the Resolution appears to be in danger, with senator Lieberman threatening to join a Republican Filibuster against it "based upon my most deeply held moral convictions, in order to prevent this horrifically overreaching unconstitutional piece of big-government from irreparably damaging the country." When it was pointed out that he was, in fact, one of the three authors and co-sponsors of the resolution, he responded; "No, I’m not. Shut up!" another hundred billion in spending in Connecticut is expected to be added to the bill to regain Lieberman’s support.