WASHINGTON - President Barack Obama today officially wished all Americans a "New Year," breaking with the tradition of U.S. Presidents wishing U.S. citizens a "Happy New Year."Happy New Year
In his original draft, Obama had said he wanted all Americans to have a "Happy New Year." However, Rep. Peter King (R), quickly protested, saying that Obama was "Once again showing his arrogance and hatred of freedom."
"By wishing everyone a 'Happy' New Year, Obama is putting his liberal spin on 2010," said King, strangling a small dog as he spoke. "Americans should feel free to have any type of New Year they wish, whether it be happy, morose or supremely crappy."
Upon hearing the news of King's complaints, Obama quickly shifted gears. In his official announcement, Obama strictly avoided any type of adjective that could possibly "restrict the freedoms of unhappy Americans."
"My family and I wish all Americans a New Year. And may 2010 be a Year," said Obama's official statement.
A White House spokesman, speaking from behind a black sheet and using a voice modulator, said that Obama felt that his greeting showcased the administration's willness to make bipartisan compromise.
"We just want to get the ball rolling on this," said the eerie, electronically modified voice. "We're hoping that future administrations are able to improve upon this message and make it something that will appeal to all Americans."
--WKW