We know that Republicans are lying liars. They’ll even weave wondrously weird ideas from thin air.
I was thinking. Suppose someone like Sen. Jim DeMint said something like, "I’m concerned that leprechauns – who are in our country right now – are poisoning our water supply. And the President is doing absolutely nothing to stop this problem."
What would happen next?
First, Fox News would be all over it. They’d show DeMint’s speech every ten or twenty minutes.
Fox would get some guest M.D. to talk about how important it is to drink unpoisoned water every day. They'd let the Republicans blather. They’d interrupt the Democrats. Hannity and Beck would do shows about leprechauns. At the bottom of the screen, Fox would have a crawl saying, "Obama’s Leprechaun Problem: Does it spell doom for the Democrat Party in 2010?"
Within a day, Rasmussen would publish a poll. "How concerned are you about leprechauns poisoning our water supply: Very concerned, somewhat concerned, somewhat unconcerned, or very unconcerned? 15% of the country would be very concerned – because they heard about it on Fox. 25% would be somewhat concerned.
The wingnuts at Free Republic would theorize about how leprechauns got into the country. They’d argue for screening people at airports if they’re wearing the color green or if they have a leprechaunish name. They’d blame the Irish-American politicians. Someone would mention Chappaquiddick. They’d say that leprechauns should be rounded up and sent back to Ireland. They’d say leprechauns shouldn’t get welfare checks or health care. Someone would attempt to make a joke about Al Gore being green. Someone else would point out that the pot of gold is at the end of the rainbow, which not-so-coincidentally is a symbol of the homosexuals. Several Freepers would brag about how many weapons they had and their daddy taught them to shoot first and ask questions later.
After a day or two, the Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, would say something like, "This is ridiculous. They’re mythical creatures. Leprechauns don’t exist."
The right-wingers would go nuts. "40% of the country is worried about the problem and you say they don’t exist?" Liz Cheney would point out that President Bush kept us safe from leprechauns by torturing them.
Somewhere in the country, a child would die after drinking a glass of water. The parents would appear on Glenn Beck’s show and mention that, just before their child swallowed the water, they noticed short people with green hats who looked like that guy from Lucky Charms cereal. Beck would get tears in his eyes. "And Obama has been vacationing in Hawaii, while our children are dying! How many more children will have to die before Obama stops the leprechauns? I just care so much about this country. And this country's children, who are our future."
Somebody would post a diary on Daily Kos saying, "Look, we know that it’s mostly leprechauns who are poisoning our water supply. Is it so ridiculous to screen people wearing green clothes at airports? Or people with Irish names? Or people with red hair and freckles? I’m just saying."
Someone else would post a diary on Daily Kos that starts with, "I got this leprechaun email from my uncle..."
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And then the controversy would fade away. A week later, Sen. Mitch McConnell would say something like, "We’re importing toilets from Australia and Brazil and the water swirls in a distinctly un-American direction. And President Obama seems to be ignoring this problem."
Fox News would jump on the story. There’d be a poll about toilets. Freepers would be outraged. And the talking points cycle would begin again.
The End (or is it?)