I have zero skill at Youtubing (that's a verb now, right?), but I offer this script as a jumping off point for furture improvements. (I need a better replacement name for NOM.)
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #1: There's a storm coming, and I am frightened.
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #2: I'm more frightened than you are.
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #1: I'm hiding under the bed, peeing my pants.
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #3: I'm a California doctor, forced to choose between my faith and my practice because of gay marriage.
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #2: Wait, your faith lets you serve unmarried gay people, but not married ones?
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #3: I dunno, I'm not really a doctor. I just play one on TV.
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #1: I heard you can only catch The Gay from the married ones.
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #4: I'm a New Jersey church, running a business that refused to perform a gay marriage.
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #1: They don't even have gay marriage in New Jersey.
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #4: Yeah, but I'm afraid they will!
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #2: I'm so afraid, I'm boarding myself up in the basement!
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #3: I'm afraid that we're actually all zombies and we're going to eat each other's brains.
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #5: I'm a Massachusetts parent cheating on my third spouse. I'm afraid the schools will turn my kid gay!
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #1: Hey, where did you come from? I thought there were only 4 of us!
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #2: Now we're afraid of you!
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #5: I am afraid too! I'm afraid if same-sex couples have civil rights, then everyone will want them!
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #4: I am afraid!
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #3: I am Spartacus!
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #5: I am John Doe!
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #1: I am Brian of Nazareth!
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #2: But we have hope. The National Union for Marriages But-not-yours (NUMB) is fighting every day to protect marriage by forcing those people not to get married. We've formed a rainbow coalition.
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #4: I'm afraid of rainbows.
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #5: I'm afraid the gays are really spies working for the Soviet Union and hiding under my bed.
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #3: I don't think there is a Soviet Union anymore.
INTERCHANGEABLE MULTICULTURAL DOOFUS #5: That's what they want you to think.
JESSE JACKSON: Excuse me, the name "Rainbow Coalition" is already taken.
(All doofi scream and run away.)
JESSE JACKSON: Do you spend all your time being afraid of your neighbors getting civil rights? There's hope. Join the real rainbow coalition and find something useful to do with your time. You'll be glad you did - and so will your neighbors.