I would like let the readers of DailyKos read the letter to the editor that was published in the Sierra Vista Daily Herald. I enjoy it and I think you will too.
To the Editor,
Having watched the American political tableau intently ever since the Tricky Dick Era (now there was a politician!), I have observed with tolerant fascination the reaction of the Conservatives ever since the election of their avowed enemy, Barack Hussein Obama. I have carefully considered the erudite testimonials of Limbaugh, Beck, Hannity, O’Reilly, the tea partiers, the town hallers, the Birthers, and the Deathers.
Indeed, I have not seen such a high degree of intellectual and moral outrage since Andre the Giant defeated Hulk Hogan.
Their earnest and viable concerns over Big Government, Socialism, and higher taxes have reverberated clearly; however, I fear that those pesky effete Liberals may launch a counterattack based on spurious charges of hypocrisy and inconsistency.
Therefore, in the spirit of public weal, I humbly offer the following Conservative Manifesto, so that all Conservatives in America may apply their hallowed principles consistently throughout their lives for their own betterment (with apologies to Rousseau and Marx):
Conservatives are born free, but everywhere they are in chains.
Therefore:
- Since police, fire, and other emergency services are controlled by the government, and paid for by taxes, all true Conservatives shall be responsible for their own protection.
- No true Conservative shall buy into any company or group medical or dental plans, which are quasi-socialistic in nature. Thus, Conservatives will pay for any treatment out-of-pocket.
- No true Conservative will accept Medicare and Medicaid.
- No true Conservative shall accept Social Security, being a textbook example of socialism.
- All true Conservatives shall withdraw their children from public education; it, too, is a socialist enterprise, and educate their children in private schools at their own expense.
- No true Conservative shall accept unemployment compensation, food stamps, or any other aid if unemployed by the miracles of Capitalism.
- If a true Conservative faces bankruptcy, he or she will not file for protection by the evil Government from their creditors. Instead, their Dodge Hemis and Harleys shall be confiscated and a fair market value applied, but in no case will true Conservatives be allowed to skip any reimbursements to their friendly creditors.
- No Conservative shall receive VA health care, itself Socialistic and government-controlled.
Conservatives of America, unite! You have nothing to lose but your...homes, health, and life?
Jeff Lindgren