Alright, desperate times require desperate measure.
Whom do you pay more attention to these day:
Democrats who try through their very limited power to reign in Team W Dipshit
Or the Satire of John Stewart and his illegitimate offspring Stephen Colbert (how else do you think he got that show when Courdry got nothing?).
The Democrats ought to just give up trying to be reasonable. It is not only ineffective, but makes them look feeble. They ought to do nothing but propose sarcastic bill after sarcastic bill. I encourage Everyone to take a stab at such a proposed bill - c'mon, I know you got one in you.
Let's see, some bill proposals.
The ground rules:
- do what the Bush team does and then take it to 11
- have a catchy name, preferably ironic.
- must have no trace of try reason, although twisted logic is encouraged
- extra points for spreading death and misery.
I know it is a stupid idea but it might actually work. Wouldn't you love to see Fiengold up there witha straight face, pitching any one of these to see how Frist and company react:
- The Racial Disharmony Act - Legalize the killing of "A-rabs" anytime, anywhere in the world, with a $100 tax break per confirmed kill. Calculationss based on the Honor system. Also, determination as to who, or for some people in power "what" constitutes an Arab may only be determined by people who have spent time in the Middle East and work in the Oil industry.
- The Fiscal Irresponsibility Act - all budgetary decisions must be made by convicted drug addicts after their third strike. To encourage such people to actually make decisions they will be rewarded with a new credit card after each decision, charged to the Federal purse. Participating banks get a pass from usury rate laws as they are doing a public service.
- The Don't Kiss - No Balls Act - propose that every boy who tries to kiss a girl is subject to castration at the discretion of, not the woman kissed, but the legislature of some other state that does not even border the kissing boy's state.
- The Faith-Baised Pot Luck Supper - Any group calling itself religious and with the endorsement of any Republican any age anywhere in the world, may, without a court order, march into any organization servicing the poor (food, health care, legal advice, whatever), and seize the building.
Such seizure entitles the religious group of the facilities supplies, and people inside to throw banguets and fundraisers for the seizing organization. Staff may be indentured without meals or rest. Leaders of the Religious group may enforce that wierd "prima nocht" thing that got William Wallace so stirred up in Braveheart (note, for these purposes, "prima nocht" may apply to either gender).
- Line Item Presidental Congressional Elimination of Interferece Act - The President, upon the consent of his interpretation of the Lord Almighty, may officially execute any member of Congress he deems to be a nuisance.
- The Media "Failure to Sufficiently Fawn at the President" Act - Any member of the media, again as determined by the President with the consent of the Lord Almighty as interpreted by the PResident, may be forced to walk through minefields of Iraq if deemed to be aidiing or abetting any criticism of the President on any matter.
- Leave No President Hungry Act - Upon request of the President, after consultation with the Almighty, any citizen of the United States may be required to print the US Constitution on an edible surface of the President's choice (tortilla, wonder bread, or "other"...) and deliver to the President anywhere in the world a delicious sandwich or wrap...at the provider's expense. If the provider does not get there in 30 minutes, he/she will have to do it again for president's dog Barney, too.
- Former Spy "Tag-your not one anymore / Joseph Wilson is a Sissy" Act - Without any formal review process, in fact without even having to give any Notice to the CIA, the President or his designee may walk up to any covert CIA agent, pat them on the head or touch them as the President sees fit, and declare them no longer covert agents, no longer American citizens, and guilty of 10 counts of treason to be determined later.
Further, Joe Wilson must appear next to all culprits of this act in Vanity Fair wearing nothing but his wife's underwear and a pink Hawaiian lay thingy.
9. Lobbyist Facilitated Travel and Leisure Act - Any Republican lobbyist may comandeer any airplane, civilian or military, at any time or place, and have it take them to the resort of their choice, wait for them, and return them to their home, a Las Vegas Brothel, or the White House, all at the expense of the public.
As an amendment to this bill, anybody who goes on camera to stand up for the integrity of such a lobbyist who implements this act also gets a $100 tax break per fawning word spoken.
10. Take the Bullet and Power of Blame Designation Act - The Vice President, at his discretion and with absolutely no need to talk to the PResident, may require any citizen to stand in for a quail during any "hunt" and take a bullet. Such citizen must sign an affidavit of fault prior to the hunt, but in the unlikely event of their survival, they must appear on camera and admit fault for getting in the way of the VP's shot, and that otherwise it was an honor and a privilege to have gotten so close to so great a man.
You get the idea. Let's hear your worst.
And seriously, the Democrats have nothing to lose - Satire has proven to be effective in getting attention, such bills would never stand up in court and would be easily challenged, so if the Republicans are going to make a mockery of our country and our government, why not outdo them.
We ain't got much dignity left.