Privilege is a divisive topic.
It's hard to discuss without making people defensive; some people get so defensive that it's offensive.
In conversations over at Morning Feature, and in some other diaries, I've been thinking about it. And I think I have a way to discuss it more fruitfully.
If you'd like to join me, follow me below the fold.
But, if you're going to get offensively defensive, just stop here.
First, let me say what I am not interested in here. I am not interested in a privilege or lack of privilege contest. I am not out to show that the privileges I have are more or less substantive than those you have; nor am I out to show that what I lack in privilege is more or less substantive than what you lack.
I don't think that's productive.
Back when I was in group therapy, there was a woman who was in a very stormy relationship. Each week, she would elaborately justify her feelings and actions, proving to herself, and attempting to prove to us, that she was right, and her boyfriend was wrong. I would ask her "Yes, fine, let's say you're right. Is what you are doing working for you". It wasn't.
You may be in that frame of mind. You may be out to prove that you are right or righteous or less privileged than someone else. That doesn't work. You may be right, but you aren't pursuing a useful strategy. If we spend our time arguing over who has it worst, we won't have time to make it better.
OK, on to what I am interested in.
Recognizing privilege.
Here are some of the ways that I am privileged:
I'm White, in a society where being White is the norm, and being otherwise is stigmatized.
I'm male, in a society where being a man is the norm, and being a woman is stigmatized.
I'm straight, in a society where being straight is the norm, and being otherwise is stigmatized.
And I have money, which always brings power. I'm not really rich, but I'm doing OK.
It's very hard for me to see these privileges for what they are; it's fairly easy to see the money one, actually; but the others are hard. I think it's easy to see the money one because money is acknowledged by pretty much everyone to be power; and because it's quantized. You can say exactly how much money you make each year. You can't do that with the other things.
There are many reasons it is hard. There is a natural human tendency to say that your successes are due to your own excellence, while your failures are to due luck, or to circumstances beyond your control. In addition, privilege these days is more subtle than in the past - we don't have Whites only restrooms, people don't get denied jobs because of their race (at least, not openly), Bull Connor is dead. Fred Phelps is marginalized.
But, as a progressive, I realize it is important for me to recognize my privilege.
How?
Well, there are ways that I am not privileged.
I'm a Jew by heritage, in a society where being Protestant is the norm, and being otherwise is stigmatized.
I'm an atheist by belief, in a society where being a believer is the norm, and being otherwise is stigmatized.
I'm learning disabled, in a society where being neurotypical is the norm, and being otherwise is stigmatized.
Somehow, it's much easier for me to recognize my lack of privilege.
This lack can be subtle - as when people simply assume I am a Protestant, or at least a believer. Or it can be blantant. But I see it.
I am more apt to notice slights against Jews than those against Protestants.
I'm not particularly proud of that fact, but I doubt that I am alone in being like this. In fact, I'd bet the vast majority of people are like me in this regard.
So, when someone from a stigmatized group that you don't belong to talks about privilege, think about your own groups. Where do you lack privilege? Do you like it much? If someone came along and denied your lack, would that please you?
Then go to Hillel, who said
That which is repugnant to you, do not to your fellow. That is the whole Torah. The rest is detail. Go and study.
As my sig line says, we are all different in ways that matter, but we are all the same in the ways that matter most.
Peace.