Yesterday, I announced the Scott Brown Nudie-Pix Limerick Contest http://www.dailykos.com/... This followed widespread exposure of Scott Here's-the-Beef Brown, candidate for U.S. Senator from Massachusetts, who had beefed up his resume by posing as nude centerfold for Cosmo in his college days. (Insert your own "Senator Collegiality" joke here.)
The pics can be seen in this recommended diary by andrewj54: http://www.dailykos.com/...
Warning: Do not proceed below the fold if you are not a grown-up with a mature taste for adolescent humor. If you subscribe to the phallusy of believing that such tawdry free expression does not belong on DailyKOS, I suggest you read grannyhelen's articulate defense of the limerick as a high-brow low-life literary art form, in the comments for yesterday's diary.
You Kossacks have stood up to the challenge, and erected a monument to art and progressive politics by submitting some valiantly bawdy limericks in honor of the inestimable gentleman from Massachusetts. So today is the lightning-rod round, so to speak.
To restate the rules of the contest:
- It must be a true limerick, no chintzy haiku or whatnot.
- To be a true limerick it must include at least one sexual double entendre.
- Winning entries will include at least one geographical location in New England.
As background and fodder, Brown's family now lives in Wrentham, within the Neponset Valley. The nearby community is Hockamock (I swear), and he was born in Wakefield. His wife, also a former model, is named Gail Huff (you can't make this stuff up.)
Whether there will be future rounds, and whether additional entries will be accepted are entirely at the whimsical discretion of the solitary judge, which is me.
Here are the choice entries so far, edited as I see fit, with authors listed. The last three were authored by me, and if one of mine doesn't win, it pretty much guarantees additional rounds:
A.
There once was a Rethug sensation
Who without need of libation
Showed those far and wide
He had nothing to hide
Save perhaps a johnson administration.
-- jazzmaniac
B.
There once was a scold, erstwhile wicked,
Whose conscience became mighty prickéd,
When caught with pants down
He said with a frown
If I did it, I must have been trickéd!
-- MmeVoltaire
C.
There once was a man name of Scotty
Who loved to exhibit his body
Republican Lindsey
Went into a tizzy
At the thought of a hot cloakroom naughty.
-- memofromturner
D.
Could a winger with attitude jaunty
Fill the shoes of a Kennedy or Conte?
His positions, exposed
We should push, not his pose
Reclining with coy partial monty!
-- Perry the Imp
E.
There once was a man from Neponset
Whose sunshine laws had early onset
For Cosmo he posed
Without any clothes
Hard up now to nonchalance it.
-- Ohiobama
F.
There once was a pol from Beantown
Who showed off his vertical frown
Now the real news
Is that voters confuse
Whether Brown is down-low or low-down.
-- Ohiobama
G.
There was, um, a young man from Wrentham
Who forsook books by Mill and by Bentham
Now despite hocus-pocus
Voters can't help but focus
On the combo of his girth and length, um.
-- Ohiobama