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A few of you know me as the young kid who occasionally complains complains complains about things here, like not being able to get health care for my wife when her kidneys started failing last April (we got help from Intermountain Health Care's nonprofit assistance program, then Utah Medicade, and both have really saved us, and a thousand thanks to all of you for your emotional support which was helpful in indescribable ways).

If you look at my recent diaries you'll see I've been complaining about other things. I do genuinely feel bad for making such a helpful community the platform for my complaining. And I feel sorry that I've not contributed more directly to the positive dialogues on here. This diary is not positive, but it is honest, and rather important.

My wife is really, really close to dying.

And what it feels like in my stomach, being born and raised American through and through, is that we just don't deserve any better. That's what it feels like. I can tell myself that we deserve to have health care regardless of how much money we have, but I feel like I'm lying, because of how being told the same thing again and again starts to make it feel true, and being shown it over and over makes it feel true, and being told it by a supermajority of the political party you naively thought was yours makes it feel a little more true than you ever before thought it was.

To come clean briefly: There are complications with my 23 year old wife that have not been admitted to. This is according to her wishes up till now, and this post is also with her permission (even her encouragement).

We now understand why my wife's kidneys are failing, and we suspected it from the beginning. We were told by a couple great doctors that they didn't think our suspected cause was the likely cause, given how young she is, or perhaps their lack of understanding of the severity of her case, so, for months, we went on a roller coaster ride thinking there was perhaps some other cause, perhaps hoping there was some other cause, some more easily fixable cause, and finally, we ended where we'd originally feared we'd end up.

My wife suffers from anorexia. She's now 23, a shade over five foot four, and last week, 66 pounds. When we married in October of 2009, she was 98, which is ten pounds less than the most she's ever weighed in her life. When her kidneys started going 9 months ago she was perhaps 90.

Aside from my wife not previously wanting me to write about this, there was the fact that my anonymity was blown here in a rather absurd way due to a mistake I made, and it occurred in such a way that I've not felt like posting here at all. But this is what you do when you are in a corner, and this is the first time I've actually known what it is to be in a corner. It feels like having the flu. Like being so nauseous your legs quiver. But just the idea of sharing this with kos-friends makes me feel a little better already. And, given the fact that I am not anonymous, and we both know that, my wife and I, and further given that I am not the sort of person who desires to stay anonymous, as a person committed to nonfiction, to telling stories that are true, this is what we look like three months ago, when she was getting by in between visits to the ICU for re-feeding and potassium IVs:

I'm not sure if the photos are showing up because they aren't showing up in preview. Oh well. Here's a link. I'll say that the tux is a rental. We were flown to NYC in October for the Norman Mailer Writer's Colony award gala because I was extraordinarily lucky and won the Norman Mailer College Nonfiction Writing Award. We paid off debt and bought a vacuum with the award money, and the vacuum works brilliantly. And the writer's colony provides me with the opportunity of a lifetime -- I'll be in Provincetown for a month-long fellowship this summer for one thing, and I've formed relationships with some great writers and folks in the publishing world. There have been such things to celebrate, and my best friend, the one who married me (really really begrudgingly because she hates the institution of marriage), has been sick this whole time, while trying to do her best to cheer us both on. It's always been us -- I hardly knew how to write when I met her. And the first good thing I ever wrote was about her.  

Here's another-- her favorite place -- twenty minutes from our apartment in Utah:

and the link.

And the day we got married:

link.

That was apparently all introduction. These are big topics.

What to say of Anorexia? It feels to me as if it is considered a "woman's disease" -- by which I don't mean it only occurs within women, but rather, that it is treated by the American public as something caused by vanity, or selfishness, or a desire to be thin. That it is the woman's fault. Like anxiety and depression and other mental illness, their seems to be a layered reaction in the general public: 1) it's not your fault, and 2) it's your fault. Perhaps I'm being too rash. But one does get the sense, over time, from the general public and the media, that eating disorders are essentially caused by a woman's inability to ____ or a woman's problem with ____ or the female tendency to ____, and it almost, almost feels as if this adds up to blaming the girl. All this of course means men with eating disorders are sometimes viewed not only as vain or selfish or weird, but as less-than-man. As woman.

Woman's disease is not a particular favorite of the insurance corporations, I think. And it's definitely not covered by Utah Medicade, unfortunately, but they have been paying for all the electrolyte IVs. Now, I've been of the opinion, foolishly or otherwise, that to force my wife into some treatment plan against her will, through emotional blackmail or otherwise, would be immoral and counterproductive. I am of the opinion that some people will choose to die rather than choose to suffer through what might be a hellish recovery, and that perhaps that ought to be their right. But recently my wife has finally expressed interest in getting better. She is of course of two minds on the subject. She is terrified, terrified of gaining weight. Weight gain feels like the end of the world, in her terms. She is also desirous to live.

Anorexia is not a very hopeful diagnosis. It has a high mortality rate, and at least one peer reviewed article I recently read about recovery found that about 50% of attendees of inpatient residential treatment clinics recover. Also, the dozen or so clinics I've spoken with over the past week and half have said the average time for Anorexics in their clinic is in the realm of 4.5 months. The one she did an intake with told her they imagined she'd be in for 6 months to a year, because of the severity of the underlying issues associated with her disease. This is just to say that I suspect that she is not likely to fall on the recovering end of that 50%. I suspect that my wife, who started thinking about restricting food intake at age 6 by her account, is a somewhat serious case.

I don't think it's so much that Anorexia is difficult to overcome -- at least, I don't think that's exactly the correct way of thinking of it. I think it might be more like, if someone is starving herself to death, she probably has some pretty heavy duty shit underlying that. I know my best friend does.

So, even if we did have the money, or even if she was able to qualify for insurance, and even if that insurance corporation was willing to pay, or even if medicade did pay for treatment, her recovery is, at best, a coin flip.

There I go thinking like an American. I should work for an insurance corporation.

It's amazing. I actually feel bad calling all these treatment clinics. The women (all of them have been women) I've spoken to have been so nice and kind and concerned, and when I ask them to tell me how much it costs, because that's what I need to know, they sound like they want to change the subject. They almost sound like they are personally responsible for the cost, which isn't true. I sort of imagine them wondering if my wife has died yet a month from now, and feeling sad about it. Especially the ones who called back asking how my attempt at getting medicade to do a "single case agreement" went. It didn't went nowhere. Neither did her physician's attempt at the same with medicade.

So, here's the situation.

The clinics actually won't/can't take her right now. It would be "unethical" given her state. It's too dangerous for them to take her given her instability. She needs to be in an ICU for several weeks, under close monitoring as she begins re-feeding, before they can take her. And she knows this. But she always checks herself out of the ICU because she hates being there and she feels like the world is ending when she is gaining weight, and when her potassium gets up to normal (last time it was at 1.4 when she went in), she leaves. She's stubborn as hell.

But she did sigh a couple days ago and say, "I'm going to have to be in the ICU for weeks and weeks." Which suggested to me that she's realizing the reality, and that she wants to live.

So that's the first needle to thread. That one is paid for by medicade.

Then there is this needle to thread:

Center For Change, 2 hours away: 92 grand for the average 4.5 month stay.
Avalon hills, really close: 1,600/ day, or $995/day for uninsured
Eating Recovery Center, Denver: 2,100 a day for first level, then 1500 a day in residential
Meritcare, Fargo North Dakota: About the same as Eating Recovery Center, minus a good 25% or so for non-insurance payers
Laurette in Oklahoma: 35-40 grand a month
Rosemont or something: 45 grand a month
Casa Palmera: 1,300 per day

Needle to thread: helping her with her fear of recovering.

needle to thread: getting her on the right side of that 50%.

Before any of you try any funny stuff, know that the email address associated with this account is out of order, something I just did before posting this so you can't paypal me money like some of you did last year. I promise I would happily accept 25 $ from you if we needed it. But we don't need it. We needed it before. Thank you.

What we do need, is, I guess, well, an idea. I'm pretty sure there aren't any ideas. I'm pretty sure I've already used up most of the ideas. But anyway. I think I also just needed to tell you this. I felt guilty because I hadn't resolved the tension and conflict caused by discussing our difficulty in getting medical care for my wife last year. And I hope you aren't upset that I didn't tell you earlier. A year ago -- one year ago, I thought my wife's eating disorder would catch up to her when she was fifty. I couldn't have imagined this.

And maybe I just kind of hope you can help me get the insurance corporation guy's voice out of my head. Because I swear to god, he keeps repeating over and over: She's a bad investment. And that makes me wish I'd not been born in this country.

P.S. there is one thing I meant to mention and didn't. It is very interesting. My wife is diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. Some things I've been reading have cited figures as high as 18-23% of people with eating disorders being diagnosible for autistic spectrum disorders. Interesting.  

Originally posted to danceattakjg on Fri Jan 29, 2010 at 08:52 PM PST.

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Comment Preferences

  •  I swear to you, she is NOT a bad investment (27+ / 0-)

    Love never is.

    Dealing with these issues is always tough, I'm just starting to recover from my beloved's death almost two years ago and at least he was 72 not in his 20's.

    But I know this, a life well-lived is one where you love. Yes at times it hurts to love, but it hurts far more not to love.

    I wish you didn't have to fight the insurance system as well as the disease. That's why we need publicly provided health care.

    When my beloved was dying he had difficulty breathing at night and thud trouble sleeping which of course meant I had trouble sleeping. I didn't get a good night's sleep for over three years and he felt bad about that. But I told him,  "I'd rather have you there beside me even if we can't sleep because I love you." I said "I love you to him every time I left the house and every day and inthe end, it was the very last thing I said to him. Sometimes, love is all you have.

    I can hope your wife will recover but in the maentime live each day fully, never miss a chance to enjoy a sunset or watch the stars and say I love you every day. Trust me, you will never regret doing that.

    •  thanks so much, (10+ / 0-)

      this is important. I need to do this. This is the one thing I definitely can do. And it's a big deal.

      See, I'm teaching two courses and taking a full graduate load and working as a copy editor and researching for a thesis and writing for one magazine and writing book reviews for a collaborative...

      I need to put a few lines on hold. But we've been living like this for months now, and it's easier, sometimes, to be doing a lot of things instead of thinking about death.

      But also, I think I will regret doing a lot of things instead of just sitting still for a bit.

  •  Bless your heart. (20+ / 0-)

    I say that a lot in comments and I always, always mean it, but especially now.  Eating disorders are so hard to treat and can morph so quickly from one extreme to another.  I don't really know what to tell you since your lovely wife is so in need of intensive treatment for anorexia, but is it even a little possible that you might could cobble together some sort of treatment with a local therapist and a nutritionist until she can go into treatment?

    I'm not an expert by any means outside of my own experiences with disordered eating, but I can wholeheartedly recommend a book called "Eating by the Light of the Moon" by Anita Johnston that maybe she can read in the hospital, and maybe you could contact a local Overeaters Anonymous group, which deals with all eating disorders, not just overeating, and see if they have any advice.  

    Just a thought.  I'll keep you and your wife in my thoughts.

  •  Best of luck to you and your wife (17+ / 0-)

    I hope she will make the choice to live, and that her body is able to sustain that choice, and I hope the vast ache from the wrongs that have pushed her onto the path that led here will be erased.

  •  I have no ideas, but many good wishes and (13+ / 0-)

    hopes for the very best for the both of you.

    I'm sorry for all the hurt!

  •  ((((((((((danceattakjg and wife))))))))))) (11+ / 0-)

    Love and blessings to you both in your search for recovery.

  •  I'm sorry. (12+ / 0-)

    I'm certainly no expert in eating disorders, but I do remember hearing a piece on the radio awhile back.  They were interviewing a mother whose daughter had battled anorexia for years, and was in recovery.  The way they described it was something I'd never heard before: that anorexia is a psychological/neurological disorder caused by malnutrition.

    This mother talked about how for years, as parents they were always blamed for their daughter's body image issues, or control issues, or self-esteem issues, or wherever the treatment program had decided to place the blame at that point.  But she'd come across the idea that while various things could be behind the start of the dieting, when a person is severely calorically restricted, they simply cannot get the nutrients they need to think rationally.  Therefore, in her view and in the view of the program they finally settled on, the first thing to do was fix the nutritional deficiency, and then let the patient choose their path.

    It seemed the daughter recovered under this paradigm.  She realized that for her, dieting was inherently risky, because it could trigger the anorexia psychosis.  Like an addict, she didn't consider herself "cured", but she was in recovery.

    I doubt this helps, really.  Your wife seems to have reached a place where she wants treatment anyway, and I have no personal experience with either the illness or this treatment.  But you asked for ideas, so.

    And: we're all bad risks.  We're all gonna die eventually.  Shame on insurance companies for playing the odds like human life is a casino game.

  •  Right now, (13+ / 0-)

    you must foccus all your attention on the immediate problem, and that is getting her to go to the hospital again. As you say, nothing else can be done right now. She must be treated for the anemia before anything else can be attempted.

    You can't do even that unless you focus. Your attention mustn't be scattered. Don't think about
    how you will pay for treatment after she comes out of the hospital. I understood you to say that Medicaid will pay for the hospital stay, so focus all your efforts there.

    Your doctor should be able to do something, or at least advise you. He may be able to direct you to a therapist who will treat her and take a loss on the bill. Perhaps you have tried. Keep trying.

    Get friends and family involved if there are any who might be able to persuade her.

    Just deal with this one thing for now. Get her to a hospital. Don't get ahead of yourself or all of it
    will overwhelm you.

    I think you can do it.

  •  Thank you for this diary (15+ / 0-)

    I know this is not at all easy for you. In my lifetime, I've seen too many husbands walk out on their wives when they have gotten ill or were dying, and too many sick and dying husbands be abusive to their wives who stayed with them and cared from them (my own father was one of the latter). I can't even begin to understands why that has been my experience, but I will say a husband who stands by his sick wife is someone I can deeply admire. But I know living through this is no small task for you.

    I have had many friends with eating disorders. You are right to think there's so much more to the eating disorder than just the eating disorder. There's a human being there--a wounded human being, but a human being nonetheless. She is a human being in great pain, and she deserves to be loved and fought for, even if the insurance companies just see the disorder and the price tag. The tragic irony here is, most people with an eating disorder don't think they are worthy of being loved--that profoundly low self-esteem and crushing lack of self-worth is often why it is so hard for them to recover. That is a very difficult thing for anyone to overcome, especially when they have to battle other problems, like an eating disorder as well. If there's anything your wife needs right now is a husband who proves his love for her daily by not giving up on her.

    My prayers are with you both.

    -8.50, -7.64 "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer." - Camus

    by croyal on Fri Jan 29, 2010 at 10:55:43 PM PST

    •  thank you croyal, (12+ / 0-)

      and you are right, of course. My wife does not believe she deserves to be loved or fought for. And there she is as one of the most thoughtful people around -- offering just last week to babysit overnight for a single mother colleague of mine, just so said colleague could have a night off of single motherhood (and I should mention my wife never wants kids and doesn't claim to be good with them). That exhausted her, but not before she made cookies with the little boy to take home to his mom... and then she was in bed for a day and a half. I love to see her when she knows she made someone happy though. And this little boy was happy.

  •  some brilliant insight right here (11+ / 0-)

    their seems to be a layered reaction in the general public: 1) it's not your fault, and 2) it's your fault.

    one of the things that attracts me about SB810 (the California Universal Healthcare Act) is that mental health parity is one of it's goals (that is, conditions related to mental health are to be treated with the same vigor as other illnesses).  This is tragically missing from our culture, as your observation points out.  It may or may not be "your fault" (rhetorically speaking, of course), but goddamit, it needs and deserves to be treated!

  •  Starving the body DOES affect the brain.... (16+ / 0-)

    I was 311 lbs when I had my Gastric Bypass Surgery.  Over the next two years, I ate 1000 calories a day and often had to struggle to take in that level of nutrition, restricted as my new stomach was.  I lost 160 lbs, over half my body.

    After some initial buyers remorse where I spent 8 weeks post surgery asking myself over and over "WTF have I done to myself", I worked the program.  I went to the gym.  I logged my food intake every day.  I charted my weight loss.  I attended support groups.  I was the poster child for successful weight loss.

    I was also a total freaking mess the entire time.  I couldn't remember things.  I had a hard time with decision making.  I was emotionally swamped by the least things.  If I ate too much or ate the wrong thing, I became ill, sleepy, grumpy.  Disolving fat released stored estrogens so I had mood swings and hot flashes that were unbearable.  My poor husband bore the brunt of most of my disfunction.  He kept reminding me that in order to lose weight, I wasn't taking in enough calories to support brain function and it was true.  

    In addition, while my food intake was restricted due to my hybridized anatomy, all my underlying food issues remained intact.  Early in the days after surgery, I wandered into a grocery store and walked the aisles, realizing that there was nothing, not one thing in that entire store that I could eat.  I would go into the snacks aisle and stand there inhaling the potato chip scent.  The joke in support group was that it was stomach surgery, not brain surgery, and our fat brains still ruled.  It was true.  My poor starved fat brain.

    Best of luck to you both.  Your wife is very beautiful.  She will be beautiful at any weight.  I'll keep you both in my prayers.

  •  I am so sorry you and your wife (9+ / 0-)

    face such a daunting illness. I hope you also have the support of a wise and caring therapist. This is an overwhelming situation. Please take care of yourself, so you can care for her.
    May the words you read here tonite give you both some comfort.

    Love is the lasting legacy of our lives

    by princesspat on Fri Jan 29, 2010 at 11:39:58 PM PST

  •  I am very sorry to hear your story (5+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    mango, Pandoras Box, DvCM, miss SPED, Hill Jill

    As a family of 3 with a kid, we don' have health insurance after my husband lost job. We just cross our fingers in hopes that nothing will happen. And with other problems that we have, I begin to post our stories here and hopefully more and more people to hear our voices. So, keep writing, I'm sure someone will try to give you a hand just like someone does to us.

    "We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon."   Adenauer, Konrad

    by under the same sky on Sat Jan 30, 2010 at 12:39:49 AM PST

  •  What about DBT? (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Pandoras Box, DvCM, Hill Jill

    If she were medically stable, she wouldn't have to be in a hospital to do DBT therapy. I'll be back. I'm going to find a link for it.

    "They had fangs. They were biting people. They had this look in their eyes,totally cold, animal. I think they were young Republicans."

    by slouching on Sat Jan 30, 2010 at 01:37:46 AM PST

  •  Here's a wikipidia link (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Pandoras Box, DvCM, Hill Jill

    en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy -.
    It's like CBT but it has more than a little buddhist influence. Google has lots of links so you can google it yourself.

    "They had fangs. They were biting people. They had this look in their eyes,totally cold, animal. I think they were young Republicans."

    by slouching on Sat Jan 30, 2010 at 01:41:09 AM PST

  •  you want some ideas? here are some ideas (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Pandoras Box, DvCM, Hill Jill

    First of all, anorexia is a symptom, it isn't a disease.

    This is the problem with the Western allopathic medicine model.  Until the cause is found, doctors create diseases out of symptoms, they create diseases out of constellations of symptoms.  The fact is, they do not know.  Your wife was, by your account, 6 years old when she began to restrict food.  Why?  Because something in her brain TOLD HER TO.  Just as in the other diseases of the brain that are described usually with French names because it's the French and the Belgians who always come up with the great diseases with the occasional German thrown in there, THEY DO NOT KNOW what caused your wife's brain to start telling her not to eat.

    One thing I CAN tell you is that it is not her fault.  Or yours.  And since you are sincerely dedicated to finding the truth, and you haven't got the money to go to those allopathic (read: not-truth-bearing) clinics to save your wife, I suggest you help her save herself for free.  Join a twelve step program.  Both of you.  The Twelve Steps work for any and all life problems, and it is because of the support of groups.  There is Overeater's Anonymous which I attended for several years, and there is also http://www.anorexicsandbulimicsanony...  Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous.

    This program works.  It works if you seek the help, you keep coming back, and you follow the Twelve Steps, one day at a time.

    One day soon, they will find the actual cause, or gene, or chromosome damage, or flaw, that will PROVE that it is not her fault.  And one day we will have a health care system that will not CARE nor ASK if it is her fault.  And Americans will learn to not be so obsessive about thinness as to give validation to something that is clearly an inborn, and most likely genetic, disease.

    I wish you well.  Please feel free to write to me. I suffer from long periods of anorexia and fasting myself, and it's not my fault either :)

    DailyKos: the "Free Ice Cream for Everybody" crowd!

    by louisev on Sat Jan 30, 2010 at 01:52:56 AM PST

  •  My heart goes out to you both. (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    mango, Pandoras Box, DvCM, Hill Jill

    fwiw when my wife and I got married, she was in a body cast from major back surgery.  when you find the right person, all that other stuff is just details.  I wish I had some magic formula, but I don't. Be there, love her, support her, and when you feel you can't take it anymore, get some support from us or wherever you can. Peace be with you both.

    It's not really cherry picking. Cherries are sweet and delicious. It's more like ...turd mining

    by henlesloop on Sat Jan 30, 2010 at 02:37:28 AM PST

  •  I realize you're teaching and in grad school (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Pandoras Box, DvCM, Hill Jill

    but you may want to consider the feasibility of moving to a place in US where your wife could get care, such as San Francisco or perhaps Massachusetts.  San Francisco has a program where residents under the 500% poverty level can get medical care for nearly free, with no exclusions due to pre-existing conditions: http://www.healthysanfrancisco.org/...

    It's absolutely ridiculous that you would even have to consider these types of options, but this is America, considered medieval by many Europeans ... and now I understand why.

    Don't let the awful be the enemy of the horrifically bad.

    by virtual0 on Sat Jan 30, 2010 at 03:11:36 AM PST

  •  FIRST, get her in the ICU. You can work on the (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    DvCM, Hill Jill

    ideas later. Save the poor little thing first.

    I have never been able to fully understand anorexia or bulemia (sp?) and why people are so chained to those destructive behaviors. The human mind is an amazing thing.

    I simply have no clue as to what to tell you but get her medical help NOW. Work on the 'cure' later, when there's a reason and hope. Maybe she'll be one of the lucky 50%. You never know, she must might make it.

    •  AmandaM, (0+ / 0-)

      My wife is rather good at explaining this:

      She grew up in a place in which she felt constantly unaware of what consequences would result from her actions. She did not know what would trigger a violent reaction from those around her. And she experienced something at an extremely young age that made her feel her body was a liability, something that could be taken advantage of by others while causing her negative feelings. When she told someone about this, she was told to forget about it, or when she expressed other emotions, she was punished and called selfish. So, she firmly began to believe as a little girl that her body was dangerous, that if she could get herself to stop feeling emotions she would be safe, and that she definitely, definitely didn't want to turn into a woman, which seemed particularly revolting and dangerous.

      Soon, in her mind, there began to be two of her. There was the "Me," and the "Body," and these were in opposition. "Me" was striving for perfection and avoidance of punishment and violence while "body" was clumsy (particularly so, part of being an Aspie), growing every which way, getting sick, getting tired, and essentially seemingly out of the control of "me." She, interpreting herself as only the "me" and not the "body," began restricting the bodies source of nutrients in an attempt to stave of change and puberty. She felt, she says, as if she could trick nature, some fantastic control over nature itself, and needless to say, the advent of puberty was traumatizing. By now, today, she cannot see her body as anything but her enemy. People say, "Do you think you look good like this?" and she feels almost confused. Of course she doesn't. Looking good is exactly what she doesn't want. Looking good is dangerous (and as it happens, when she re gains weight, she looks extremely good, like a movie star, and the attention is traumatic for her).

      That's all to say nothing of being repeatedly told as a little girl, whenever she ate a single thing, that "You need to get some self control," and "First butter, then drugs!" and "You're going to blow up like a balloon!" And I think it was a little bit of all these things.

      •  I understand the "I hate my body" stuff. (0+ / 0-)

        My girls father used to make fun of 'fat' people and talk about how disgusting they are. The used to tell the girls they were 'fat' or how he would disown them if they got 'fat'.

        Now there's a one of 'em that's pretty screwed up in that area. The other three saw through that crap. The one that didn't is definitely a pain in the ass at times, but she is in no way as self-destruction as your poor little wife. I divorced the creep years and years ago. I always told them not to listen to his shit. Three didn't. One did.

        You said that you can get her into the hospital. Good. Do that. And after she is out of danger, try again to get her the mental health she needs.

        She is such a cute little thing. I hope, I truly hope, that she can make it out of the trap she's in, because she is trapped. She needs help, love, support, and understanding.

  •  I'm so sorry for your situation. (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Pandoras Box, DvCM, Hill Jill

    I also really hope that this diary doesn't get lost, because this is a really important health issue, aside from your pain.

    "And God separated the light from the dark, and did two loads of laundry"

    by Fiddlegirl on Sat Jan 30, 2010 at 05:37:35 AM PST

  •  When people are seriously malnourished (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Pandoras Box, DvCM, Hill Jill

    they have to be careful re-nourishing them. Their body starts basically eating itself. Read up on malnutrition and its physical and mental effects. Try to find a doctor who can explain this to you. There must be a web site somewhere that examines this problem in detail.

    Here's where I would start on the biochemistry..
    http://en.wikipedia.org/...

    What is corporate personhood?:'Slavery is the legal fiction that a person is property. Corporate personhood is the legal fiction that property is a person'

    by Andiamo on Sat Jan 30, 2010 at 06:16:16 AM PST

  •  I honestly don't know (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    DvCM, Katie71, Hill Jill

    My aunt was one who battled this. She lost. Two years ago just passed in her sleep. To this day they do not know what caused it, just that her body stopped. My biological father has been fighting to even get on a list for a kidney, since he has an auto-immune disease they don't want to put him on the list. I am not writing this to depress you. I wanted to point out a difference. My Aunt Anne did have someone to support her, fight for her, help her. Do not give up. Somewhere out there just maybe the answer, and you have taken a great step forward by reaching out.

    I don't care what you do in your beds, just keep your hand out of my pocket.

    by the mom in the middle on Sat Jan 30, 2010 at 07:04:48 AM PST

    •  Annie did not (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      DvCM, Katie71, Hill Jill

      I left out the not. It is funny how one word can screw up a sentence. Annie did not have support. Your wife does and will from what I see. That is a factor money can not buy

      I don't care what you do in your beds, just keep your hand out of my pocket.

      by the mom in the middle on Sat Jan 30, 2010 at 07:11:52 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

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