Are you unemployed? On COBRA? Have you been struggling to put food on your family and worried about how you're going to pay those high COBRA payments?
Well, worry no longer! Jim Bunning has thoughtfully taken whatever bad choices you had and tossed those out in the snow.
Congratulations! You're fucked!
Yes, 'Compassionate Conservative' Jim Bunning has mustered all his mental faculties to send a message to everyone who happens to have fallen on hard times.
Tough shit.
Now that is 'Conservative Compassion' in action. Apparently his gripe is that he wants the funds to pay for the extension to come from stimulus funds, which makes a twisted sort of sense in a really perverse way. After all, it was the stimulus funds that saved the Monetary Masters of the Universe from having to face any consequences for their fantastic gambling/Ponzi scheme that has brought this country to the brink of financial ruin. They all got to keep their jobs, seeing as how they're doing God's work and they have proved so valuable that we cannot possibly find anyone, ANYONE I tell you, to replace them. So stimulus funds have saved their jobs and kept them from those filthy unemployment lines. They sure took a hit for the team with those reduced bonuses. They've done their part, and it was those stimulus funds that helped them to help us.
So of course it makes perfect sense to hold up this extension because Jim Bunning has the only possible answer to pay for it. He's got our best interests at heart, God bless him.
Yeah, damn it, the stalwart Democrats will eventually get around to shutting him down. Last night was just too inconvenient. Staying up all night is just too much to ask of our brave Dems. Their steely spines get stiff if they sit too long. We can't have that. So when they do finally find a convenient time to deal with this, it will cost a lot more money, especially for the states. And of course, the people whose benefits were allowed to expire will be living in their cars, assuming they have a car.
But it's all good.
So I'm sure that all of you, especially those of you on unemployment and/or COBRA, would like to thank Senator Bunning for thinking of you. And I'm here to tell you how.
Here's his official website:
Jim Bunning, Compassionate Conservative.
If you poke around in here, he sounds like a really swell guy. But just in case you don't want to poke around and find out just how swell he is, here's a direct link to his contact page:
Compassionate Conservative Jim Bunning's Contact Page
Now, I know you think you've done your part at this point by thanking Compassionate Conservative Jim Bunning for his efforts to save us from...well...survival but I really think we should take this a step further. Before hitting "post" on that letter to Jim, copy and paste that sucker into a letter to each of your own representatives in both congressional houses (assuming you're not fortunate to have Senator Bunning as your very own Senator). Add some text about what you think of Senator Bunning's actions and their response to it. Tell them what you'd like to see done. Politely of course, we must always be polite, and who wouldn't be after this fantastic act of heroism on behalf of the little people? But make sure you send your Senators and Congressperson the copy of your Bunning letter with a few words to let them know why you're grateful for this gift.
Don't know how to contact your Senators and Representatives? Here's a couple of tools.
If you don't actually know who represents you in the halls of Congress, this little tool will easily tell you:
Find out who represents you in Congress in English or Spanish.
However, I don't know anything about the contact portion of this website, so I'm going to recommend using your new information to plug directly into the contact information provided by our government:
Officially official contact info for all your government needs.
Note that there are phone numbers that go along with that contact info, so don't let sending an email or a fax stop you from making a phone call or three.
We really, really need to thank our dear friend Jim for all he's done for us, the United States of America. It's not just those lucky Kentuckians who get to feel the love, it's a gift to all of us, especially the middle class and working poor. Please take the time to let him know how you feel about his charming brand of compassion, and share it with your own representatives!
UPDATE: Bob Cesca has a little tidbit on the collateral damage that is being wrought by Senator Bunning's thoughtful actions (h/t Crooks and Liars). Who needs the Transportation Department anyway? You don't have a job and you can't afford to go anywhere or buy anything, and that doctor visit and the medicine you need is certainly out of the question. Bunning's perverse logic rules the day.
Like I said, it's all good...