A couple of weeks ago, our daughter (3 years old) started asking me a question: "Are you happy, Daddy?"
This could be adorably cute, except for one thing. She only asks it after doing things that decidedly make me "not happy." Screaming in public, throwing her toys, refusing to eat, or put on her shoes when it's time to leave, are all now quickly followed by her new favorite question.
They even sing a "happy song" at her preschool that goes something like, "I have the power to choose to be happy." Ok, it does sound better with the music. It is designed to reduce bad behavior and diminish tantrums.
Hmmm...tantrums, bad behavior, and choosing to be happy instead of frustrated, disappointed, and even angry.
Are you happy, DKos?
Are you happy, Thomas?
Thomas Jefferson wrote in The Declaration of Independence that Happiness is the very reason for the existence of government. Happiness and safety, that is:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men...
Now, I have heard some argue that this document intentionally states "pursuit of Happiness" to communicate that I alone am responsible for my own Happiness. I should expect it to take effort, to not be provided for me by my neighbor or by my government. Implying that if I but put forth the effort, Happiness is mine. This implies that those who are happy have worked hard for it, have earned it, and those who are not, need to work harder and change their attitudes.
Not everyone sees it that way.
Are you happy, Barbara?
Barbara wrote a book warning us about a blind and vacuous pursuit of Happiness. The kind of happiness that, she argues, contributed to the economic collapse by not only refusing to consider the consequences of defaulted mortgages and credit default swaps but that demoted and marginalized the financial gatekeepers who did. The kind of Happiness that has no time for the Richard Clarke's of the world, the Happiness that sees whistleblowers and critical thinkers as joykills and unhireable troublemakers.
Her contrarian position began 10 years ago when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. It strengthened when she attended self-help seminars and motivational conferences where unemployed people were telling each other to not watch the news or read the paper as doing so would not only threaten their positive outlook but the chances that the universe would return positive rewards to them. And this attitude was the only operative variable in their economic thinking. [Reading this account actually reminded me of Sarah Palin and her relationship with newspapers and magazines, her relentlessly megawatt smiling and happy relationship with them.]
"I’m saying this is not just a benign way of reassuring ourselves, that this has led to not seeing very bad things coming, and trusting the wrong people - and can we wake up from that, not to being depressed or pessimistic, but to being realistic, and trying to really see what we’re up against in the world." -B. Ehrenreich
Her argument is that pursuing Happiness can be cult-like behavior, where any thought or person or event that interrupts the pursuit is ignored and then actively avoided in order to keep the Happiness unthreatened and safe. Yet, the very act of pursuing Happiness in such a way is the one that most threatens it.
Are you happy, Srikumar?
Srikumar Rao teaches a class in personal development at Columbia's business school, which in some ways, may be the very apotheosis of what Barbara Ehrenreich is very happy to criticize. A quote from the opening paragraph on Mr. Rao's website:
Each day is far too precious to waste. And each day that you are not radiantly alive and brimming with cheer is a day wasted.
I can almost guarantee you that wherever he is, whatever he is doing, Mr. Rao would tell you he is happy. Anything else is wasted time. I have never had breast cancer nor a bypass, but I can imagine that if I had, I might find Mr. Rao's assessment of my time anticipating surgery and recovering from it as wasted, somewhat offensive. Ms. Ehrenreich would call it delusional.
I did find something in one of his online lectures that really connected with me, though, and that was the argument that Americans are too obsessed with product at the expense of process. For example, the child learning to walk is not obsessed with product. She does not give up and sulk after the first wobble and sit. She gets up and tries again. And again. And again. Each time making small adaptations, based on lived experience, that inform her improved performance on the next step. Then she walks. She does not walk by simply focusing on having a successful first step.
Mr. Rao's website claims his is the only business course in the country with its own alumni association. I have mixed feelings about this. It reminds me of Professor Slughorn from the Harry Potter series, but I glanced at his reading list for the course and I loved it.
Are you happy, Daniel?
Charting something of a middle course between these two is Daniel Kahneman, Nobel Prize Winner and creator of behavioral economics. He recently argued (also in a TED talk) that Happiness experienced and Happiness remembered are two different kinds of Happiness. We only confuse the issue and ourselves when we talk about Happiness as if these two were the same thing.
He says it better than I can paraphrase, though, at minutes 2:00 and 12:00 here. Each clip is less than a minute long:
Are you happy, Daddy?
I am happy. I'm happy all kinds of different ways.
Sometimes I'm happy like Barb E., all pragmatic and critical, quick to point out and verbalize where I think things are weak or going wrong as a form in-itself of working towards their improvement and correction. Blind acceptance of things as they are, or as they've always been, in exchange for a kind of surface-Happiness that is born of attitude-adjustment rather than hard work on real-world-improvements is not my kind of happiness.
Other times, I'm happy like Srikumar, so lost in process that I forget to come up for air for hours or days at a time. And I really, really like the reading list on his syllabus. That makes me happy.
Yet, I'm also happy like Daniel. If we live experiences in the moment to the best of our potential, what's to say we won't look back and be happy with our memory-selves? Or, at least have a fighting chance to be so happy.
And, even when my daughter throws a mini-fit and stomps off down the hall screaming "NOOOO!" at the top of her lungs because I've asked her if she'd like some of my raisins (which 9 times out of 10 she eagerly does) and then suddenly stops, spins around and with a clever smile says, "Are you happy, Daddy?" I have to admit I actually am.
I actually am.
Are you happy, DKos?
TWLTW
- "Walking On The Sun" by Smashmouth has the most thumbs-ups on the Pandorainternet radio service. Jack Johnson is their most requested artist. 60,000 new listeners use their service each day, and 75% of those who do so using the iPhone had not first used Pandora on their computers. They tag each song with up to 400 identifiers to build entire radio stations for each listener based on the request of one song or artist, even though each user can fine-tune a station with multiple songs and/or artists. And it's all free for the user.
- A fairly funny, and scathingly critical, speculation of what Tony Blair's memoir (to be released this coming September) might look like was printed in the Guardian.uk this week. If you like flame-throwing Brit satire, read on, if not, skip to #3:
For many years I toiled at the Bar, until an Angel came unto me in a dream and commanded me to go hence and do Good Work. Or failing that, become a politician. So I headed north to Sedgefield – or rather my people did – to live among the little people and preach the gospel of the downtrodden and oppressed. "Blessed are the filthy rich," I said in one of my sermons to the faithful at Communion, "For they have no need of principles, and the meek shall inherit the economic downturn."
- Some vocabulary this week, too:
- Conspecific: Pertaining to another organism (such as an animal) of the same species, or that has similar appearance as another.
- Regnant: exercising power or authority (from reign).
- Bricolage: Something made or put together using whatever materials happen to be available.
- And, from my favorite political cartoonist, Mike Luckovich of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:
- For this week's musical interlude to the comments discussion, I offer this TED video from this past summer. This is the same dance troupe that performed at the Oscars on Sunday night. The full piece is 18 minutes long, as there are interview and video segments interspersed. To use it as "comments music" I recommend forwarding to 10:56. The orchestra alone is strong, the dance paired with it is captivating. These dancers pursue more than happiness. They are pursuing bliss.
"I attempt to reflect the balance of weight, energy, space, and time." -Lil "C" [ironic, I know!]
What Did You Learn This Week?