Somebody needs to set the record straight on Christianity. All that peace, love and tolerance stuff just isn't cutting it in the age of Rush and Glenn.
He left the Green Room, and he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying,
The poor in spirit are here to be exploited and destroyed. They might get their reward in Heaven, but don't count on it.
Blessed are they that mourn: they live in a country with the best health care in the world. Sorry how things turned out.
Blessed are the meek: for we shall crush them into the dirt. What a bunch of losers. Maybe they will get their reward in Heaven. Or not.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: how is all that hope and change thing working out?
Blessed are the merciful: as P.T. Barnum said - "There's one born every minute."
Blessed are the pure in heart: keep those checks coming in.
Blessed are the peacemakers: As long as it's peace staring down the barrel of a gun.
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: Be sure to leave us in your will.
Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely: As long as it is fair and balanced.
Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: But while you are down here, do unto others before they do unto you whatever it is you think they're going to do to you.