Cheers to my first GUS diary!
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So, March 6th was my son's birthday. He insisted that we take him to Chuck E Cheese, along with his best friends, for a party! His best friends, it turns out, are every single student he goes to pre-school with, along with all the tykes from his flag football team. Wow, that's a lot of kids, right? Luckily not all RSVP'ed so we were only on the hook for about half of them. He had a great time, and I was just happy to be done with Jury Duty. So I had a great time too.
You may ask yourself, what does this have to do with a doctor saying "Uh Oh." But if you have ever been to a Chuck E Cheese, you know. Where a kid can be a kid! That includes if you sneeze, DO NOT COVER YOUR MOUTH! If you cough, AIM IT AT THE NEAREST LITTLE GAME! If you need to go to the bathroom, WAIT UNTIL THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT SO YOU DO NOT MISS ANY FUN! And due to these, ahem, rules about being a kid (I swear they post these on some sign about 2 feet off the ground, so as the adults can't see them, only kids,) the place is a veritable cornucopia of germs and bacteria and all other things that kids are immune to. But, if you are an adult, you are screwed. Seriously. Screwed. Unless you absolutely cover yourself with Purell, you will get sick. Ask my wife. She suffered too.
So, I get sick. Wife, sick. Son, couldn't be better. And he was just getting over an ear infection. But no cold. No fever. Nothing. Just. Great. Meanwhile, I can't get out of bed. I load up on Nyquil, and Dayquil. I am just able to roll down the stairs to feed my son breakfast. And put on cartoons. Because at this point, I know cartoons will keep him occupied, while my wife and I try to revive from OTC drug comas.
In a few days, we are both feeling better. Good enough to invite the mother, brother, and sister-in-laws over for St Paddy's Day. Big deal in the household. Not just because it is a weeknight and we can drink. My wife and her family are from Cork, Ireland. So no green beer here. Just Guinness, Harp, Smithwick's, and Tequila(don't ask how that got involved, but it was good. And bad.)
That night, I am feeling much better. Better enough to say, uh, answer "Let's go skiing this weekend!" with a resounding "YEAH!" Followed up by a Howard Dean "YEEEEEEEAAAARGHHH!" Oh, I must mention one thing. I hate skiing. And snowboarding. And sledding. Oh, I will go play in the snow. Like snowballs, slide around, etc. But attach something to me and send me down a hill. Not anymore. Two tailbone breaks, and I will call it a career.
Next morning. Not feeling too well. Also realize that I am going skiing this weekend. Feel even worse. But I have resigned myself to having to go to the snow. Or so I thought.
See, Tuesday morning, when I woke up, I smelled ammonia. I knew we cleaned for our St. Paddy's day party, so I thought nothing of it. Had bad heartburn, too. Both went away after a few hours. Wednesday morning, same thing, but the smell and heartburn lingered a bit longer. Thursday, woke up, and the smell was overpowering. Ammonia. Most definitely. And strong. Figured it would go away, like it had the previous days. But it didn't. I smelled ammonia all day long. Honestly, a bit worrisome, but nothing to worry about, right? Friday, same thing, but with an even stronger smell, and worse heartburn. And I have really never had heartburn for more than a few minutes. So what does one do when they are presented with obscure symptoms? I don't know about you, but Teh Google, here I come!
Let me tell you something. If you are sick, and have interesting symptoms, and want an answer, DO NOT GO TO THE INTERNET! I must tell you, by the time I was done searching, I had everything from a simple sinus infection, all the way up to kidney or liver failure and a brain tumor. Wonderful. And the smell is still there, stronger than ever! I have to call my doctor now. Otherwise I might go up to skiing and never come back. My kidneys will fail, and the brain tumor will keep growing. And I will die. Where is the phone?
Luckily I get an appointment for that afternoon. With the Doctor's PA. No big deal. I actually like the PA more than the doctor. So I roll in for the appointment, thinking "Oh no, I am dying. I will be on dialysis fotr the rest of my short life. I need a liver transplant. Ugh, at least I don't have to go skiing this weekend." Ever looking for the silver lining.
When I get in the PA's office, I explain to him that I have had this amazingly strong nasal odor of ammonia for the past few days. Oh and I have had horrible heartburn for the same amount of time. Up on the examining table I go! He pokes and prods my face. "Does this hurt? This? This?" "No. No, when you push there though, it feels like a balloon is deflating slowly out of my nose. "Aha!" says he. "You can get off the examining table now. You probably have a simple sinus infection." Alright, I say, and sit down. And I am going skiing again. No big deal. My son will have a fun time in the snow, and the lodge has a bar, so I go that, right? "Wait," he says, "we didn't check your belly. Back up you go." So I climb up and lay down. And the PA starts pushing in my stomach, different parts, same deal. "Does this hurt? This? This?" And then he gets down to my lower right hand side. He pushes in. "Ow." Yes, it hurt. Please don't do that agai..."Ouch!" He did it again.
That is when he says "Uh oh."
And he sends me to the emergency room. I have appendicitis. Ok, so now I have gone from self diagnosing a kidney or liver failure, or a brain tumor, to a simple sinus infection, to appendicitis. what. the. fuck. My head is kinda spinning here, and I still have to tell my wife that our ski weekend is now probably ruined. Plus I get to go to the ER! Great!
So we get to the ER. And I am in a fog. And they keep asking me questions. And I am being a total smart ass. The nurses are getting pissed. So I apologize, and explain to them that I went to the doctor to check my nose out, and now here I am with apparent appendicitis. So I am a bit touchy, thank you very much. They said they understood, but then the nurse who took my blood decided that there wasn't a good vein in my arm and had to use my hand. (My hand is still bruised 5 days later. I learned my lesson.)
So now I am in the taking orders stage. "Pee here. Drink this. Don't drink THAT! Don't eat anything. Here, eat this. Don't pee anymore. This may hurt. This will hurt. Sit there. No, come back here. Sit here. Let's get that IV started."
After they call me back, which I must say, was fairly quickly, they nurses and doctors get me started on the path to getting a CT scan. Before I go too far, I must admit I was as pleasantly surprised at how quickly I was taken back in the ER. I mean, I don't know about you, but when I think of the ER, I think of hours long wait times watching horrible tv shows coupled with the intermittent shrieks of pain and cries from children. Not this day! I guess when they think you have a life-threatening problem they want to get you in and out ASAP.
So, I get my CT scan, and wait. And wait. And wait. No problem here, though, as I have my own personal tv and recliner! Then the doctor comes in and I expect the worst. But, no, he has other plans for me. No appendicitis. As a matter of fact, there is nothing wrong that they can see. Cool! Wait, no, not cool. Because now my wife is kinda angry. Because here I am, in the ER, with Doctor diagnosed appendicitis, and we have had to cancel our ski trip due to this diagnosis, and then this other doctor comes in and says I don't have appendicitis, but he has no idea why I am smelling ammonia. Probably a sinus infection!
Anyway, so here I am. 5 days later, still smelling ammonia, although it is very weak now. Probably the antibiotics the ER doctor gave me. Still hurt when you press my lower right quadrant. And another doctor appointment tomorrow. Oh, and I get this great email from my mom, bless her little heart, that says it could be my brain. Definitely tell the doctor about it, as it could be your brain. Gee, thanks Mom!
So, has anybody else heard a doctor say "Uh oh."