Talking Points Memo lists the 10 Most Ridiculous GOP Proposed Health Care Amendments (Of these, my fave is Tom Coburn, John Ensign's adultery 'fixer', 'prohibiting the coverage of Viagra for child molesters and rapists for drugs intended to induce abortion.'
Whew! Coburn points us to the modus operandi here -- start with Limbaugh "rile the rubes" hot buttons, and then WORK BACKWARDS to the health care bill. Below the fold you'll find my best guesses at the next iteration of amendments....
- (Coburn) Prohibiting the use of funds pay secret reparations to African-Americans so they can re-start ACORN.
- (Vitter) To require that health care funds must be allocated to be used for medical care for Glenn Beck viewers who are currently being kidnapped and forcibly repatriated at "One-World" slave labor Concentration Camps "just barely" disguised as FEMA trailer rehab facilities and "closed" Air Force bases.
- (Ensign) To require that health care funds be allocated, on an "as needed" basis, to certain Senators to make perfectly legal and appropriate "payments" to the husbands of certain Senatorial staff persons who wear deliberately provocative clothing in order to ensnare said Senators into compromising sexual relationships which said Senators deeply regret. This is so that said Senators don't have to ask their parents to cough up the same amount of dough.
- (McCain) Prohibiting the use of funds as some kind of covert "mental health" scheme to re-institute the Fairness Doctrine and deny 'real' Americans the right to hear the truth on the radio, on teevee, and through the mercury fillings in their teeth.
- (Grassley) Prohibiting the use of funds to provide "coddling" and "therapy" and "compassion counseling" and "neck massages" to Enemy Combatants of this country held prisoner in Guantanamo, especially after said prisoners are subject to incredibly legal and totally permissible "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques" that have provided valuable intel to our intelligence services so that evil brown people haven't destroyed us.
- (Coburn) Prohibiting the use of funds...something something...mandatory abortions for Evangelical Christians...something something something...take away legally purchased assault weapons...something something...let's see that birth certificate...something something....
That's my list. What's yours? Feel free to add more in comments.