MSNBC's Morning Joe (Brewed by Starbucks) has become so ridiculous that it's almost too easy to parody. Today's episode was a classic of false balance and a perfect example of what's wrong with modern American journalism and political punditry.
This following is obviously inspired by moonshine patriot's brilliant Bobblespeak Translations.
Mocking the Morning Joke crew is like shooting fish in a barrel. Most of this is a shockingly close paraphrase of what was actually said this morning. Behold the inanity of MSNBC's flagship morning show.
Morning Joke - March 31, 2010
MIKA: Good Morning. Joe's on vacation, so please excuse the lack of right-wing perspective today.
First up, a new poll shows that Democrats share equal blame with Republicans for right-wing violence. Sounds fair to me.
Also, the Republican lesbian bondage scandal continues to grow, but shouldn't we be asking if Democrats are also guilty of similar indiscretions? What do you think, Jonathan?
CAPEHART: No one will fire Michael Steele.
CAPEHART: He's black.
MIKA: Ok. So back to this Gallup poll that shows Democrats get 49% of the blame for right-wing threats of violence.
CAPEHART: Makes sense. The use of reconciliation naturally caused people to throw bricks through windows.
MIKA: Word. I don't think Americans understand what's in the health care bill and on top of that, they don't like what's in the health care bill. Death threats are to be expected.
WILLIE: Let's see what Jim Vanderhei has in the Politico Playbook today.
VANDERHEI: At Politico today, we're looking into all of the death threats Republicans and Democrats are getting. It's practically a horse race. Did you hear Eric Cantor got a video death threat?! Also, I was hanging with Andrew Breitbart and it turns out he gets death threats all the time.
WILLIE: Cool. Thanks for the report, Jim.
MIKA: So,everybody's talking about the pope being an accessory to child molestation. Thoughts?
BARNICLE: The old guys at the Vatican are out of control.
MIKA: Yes, but I have daughters. And I want them to be proud of the church. So I'm really rooting for the pope to handle this well. Go pope!
BARNICLE: You're an idiot.
MIKA: Let's welcome Bush chief-of-staff, Andrew Card.
CARD: I think Michael Steele is doing a great job. And Democrats are arrogant.
MIKA: Go on.
CARD: The arrogant Democrats make Michael's life so difficult, he needs a private jet.
MIKA: Do you think Obama will be able to work with Republicans going forward?
CARD: If he'll stop acting so arrogant. He needs to start implementing policies that Republicans like.
BARNICLE: Great. Why don't you go get us some cheeseburgers, Andy.
MIKA: Harold Ford, do Democrats waste lots of money on private jets?
FORD: Sure. Doesn't everybody?
MIKA: What about all of this violent rhetoric?
FORD: Yeah, the tea party is crazy.
MIKA: No! I'm talking about the Democrats.
FORD: Oh yeah. They're totally guilty too. That goes without saying.
MIKA: Some are saying that Obama is arrogant. How can he work with Republicans?
FORD: He'll have to be less arrogant, more bipartisan.
MIKA: Indeed. Republican congressman John Shadegg, what do you think?
SHADEGG: Michael Steele sucks, but Democrats are arrogant.
MIKA: Thanks for the insight, John. Maxine Waters, what do you think about all the violent rhetoric we've been hearing.
WATERS: Well, the tea party...
MIKA: No! What about Code Pink?
WATERS: I don't think Code Pink is equivalent to the tea party.
MIKA: But the worst thing we've heard is a death threat against Eric Cantor.
CAPEHART: Uh, we've had death threats on both sides. Tea partiers spit on members of congress and hurled racial epithets.
MIKA: But there's no video of that. Eric Cantor's death threat was on video.
CAPEHART: I can't believe I debase myself like this every morning.
MIKA: Well it looks like we're out of time. But I want to apologize for the lack of balance today. Hopefully Joe will be back soon and the show won't be a such a total left-wing love fest. And don't forget, Drink Your Starbucks!