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I was instructed on two or three occasions some years back by a professor of what I call the Homeopathetic Heidegger branch of political philosophy. You know them as militia, teabaggers, or just morons, but I wanted to explore whether a theory or at least its premises might be condensed, if not precipitated, down into its essence, or some essence, or none, much like the old Readers Digest used to do.

("I AM JOE'S SPLEEN!")
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Homeopathy works like this as a thought experiment. Take a symptom, like utter impotence, insignificance. What causes it? Complete incompetence, ineptness, worthlesness. So you concoct another cause of the same symptom. Tyranny. I am weak because I am oppressed. As by Hitler and nazis. So you simply dilute that agent, Hitler and an overweaning and cruel regime, over and over, until there is no trace left, and use that as your solution: democratic election results. Wanna read that again?

My ad hoc political instructor, Joe Don Looney, informed me of certain factors in the history of WWII of which I wasn't aware. (Joe Don knows plenty nobody else in the world does.)

"You know why Switzerland was allowed to remain neutral during WWII?"

Yes, I said. No, you don't, said Joe Don.

"It's because every manchile among 'em is taught from early childhood the care and feeding of firearms. Hitler know'd wuz he to invade the Swiss, he's have a bearcat by the tail!"

Now, you might've figured out that the Swiss, as Hitler's bankers, who blocked desperate refugees from the nazi progrom at their border so that later they could happily fence the gold stolen from the very teeth of these same victims, would have an easy time while their esteemed partners were in control of western Europe, no matter their stand on firearms control. But you would be figuring without utilizing Joe Don's brand of homeapathetic heuristics.

Now,  some decades back, when militia nonsense was in the news, I wrote a playlet which had as one feature the logistics of Joe Don holding off the 1st Battalion of the 18th Artillery Division, which could float a solid stream of 155 Howitzer rounds through the trellises of his decrepit garden while he was trying to keep up by working the lever of his 30-30 Winchester. Like Gandhi, however, these rustic Robespierres were dependent on the kindness of their overlords, who would allow them to play cowboys and injuns all the day long if it pleased 'em and caused no disruption otherwise, which it wouldn't, you remember, because of that impotence, insignificance we started with.

Which begs the question, just what is it this oppressive government wants from Joe Don? Do they have a spot to fill in a physics lab somewhere, or is he needed in a think tank anywhere? No, there is absolutely no use for Joe Don Looney. So maybe the President thinks that dead Maytag on his front porch has some life left in it? Or that tire swing out under the dead oak can be of use at Camp David?  Maybe the UN has a need in its world domination scheme for that '63 Plymouth of Joe Don's up on blocks in his dusty yard.

Anyway, it's all a plot by all of us to feel wanted, valuable. Remember how dispirited were some sixties radicals to discover through their Freedom of Information requests that the FBI had no dossiers on them at all? The teabaggers are now playing Spiderman, like boys everywhere. The only tragedy is, they will never outgrow it.

Originally posted to Timus on Mon Apr 26, 2010 at 09:46 AM PDT.

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