Ken Griffey, Jr. retired today, but that's not news; the Orioles have retired en masse lately. Yes, I'm bitter. You would be too, if you watched them fail for 13 years. (h/t to sallym for the title.)
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So, apparently I’m supposed to be going out this weekend with some guy I hardly know, and we’re going to hang out at some yet-to-be-determined karaoke bar and I’m going to sing four songs that I have to choose. All of this I’m going to do, when I’ve hardly ever done it.
This is what I can’t stand about other people tossing me into plans that they made for themselves and attached me to it. None of these things interest me in the least.
If you knew me, you’d know that the last place you’d ever find a “me” is in a bar. I’ve attended a grand total of two bars in the last 10 years, and save for a time I shared with a lady friend at an upper-class one in the town where I used to work about five years ago, I hated it. The music is too loud, and the people are too drunk.
Yes, you could say the same about a baseball game, too. But that’s where I’d rather be than in some bar forced to sing something like “Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place” or something like that.
This all came out of a conversation I had with this gentleman while we were driving home from a cookout at my mom’s friend house in suburban Baltimore. He’s a nice guy, and all, but the subject of women comes up, and all of a sudden he’s trying to pair me off with people I don’t know. I’ll be frank; I’m no Casanova, and I don’t really go to social functions cruising for chicks. If it happens, I let it happen organically; I don’t want to feel like I’m being pressured to impress someone else for their own benefits. That’s why I dread this Friday coming up.
It’s just not me. I’m being told to come out of a shell; there’s no shell to come out of. I am who I am, damn it.
In other words, I like my crazy, little simple life off in my own little corner. You should read the description of Scorpio in every astrology piece you can find on the internet; the personality traits described to Scorpio fit me like a glove.
Just a summary: we Scorpio men are loners. We like it like that. We like weird shit. We like hanging out in places like museums and long-ass drives to nowhere because it inspires us to think. We also like women. A lot. Alone. In bed. But we’re not going talk about it, because a Scorpio never puts its business out in the street like that. Still, don’t fuck with us or lie to us, because you’re going to lose in that equation every time. Seriously.
So, we cool? Awesome. Now leave me the fuck alone and gimme the keys; I got a Friendly’s to go to. In Connecticut.
On tonight's show: out-of-work star of the retired ABC drama "Lost" Evangeline Lilly (well, okay...she's still got those hair product ads), that young comedienne/actress Charlyne Yi,and magician LaRaf. Which reminds me...I have to tell that tale about how I fooled a magician, because I didn't want my hand cut off. Seriously.
THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU AS A PUBLIC SERVICE BY ME. OKAY, BY CRAIGYFERG, BUT A POINT I WANT TO MAKE ALL THE SAME.