Holy hell broke loose in the Holy See on Friday as the Holy Father, Pope Benedict, threw down on a long time adversary, Beelzebub, Prince of Darkness. His challenge came as the Vatican celebrated the "Year of The Priest." The AP reported the story:
"It was to be expected that this new radiance of the priesthood would not be pleasing to the `enemy'; he would have rather preferred to see it disappear, so that God would ultimately be driven from the world," Benedict said in his homily, to applause from the gathered priests.
"And so it happened that in this very year of joy for the sacrament of the priesthood, the sins of priests came to light - particularly the abuse of little ones," he said.
In an exclusive to this writer (i.e. not reported by the AP), unnamed sources indicated that the Pontiff went further in a less public address to Old Scratch.
"I thought we had an understanding," he said. "My guys commit sins; you keep them quiet. Everybody wins! The Church looks good, and you get more souls to burn in hell. Now suddenly that's over? That deal is off? You wrecked the Year of the Priest, and you're gonna hear from me, Cloven Hoof!"
Another source told this writer that the Vicar of Christ elaborated on his threat at a meeting of his intimates at the Vatican.
"Belial and his homies are punks," the former Joseph "El Raton" Ratzinger fumed. "If I catch his ass in the Big Yard, my holy sepulchre is going where the sun don't shine. And I know something about that."
The "Big Yard" was believed to be a papal reference to St. Peter's Square.
Reached for comment by this writer, the Prince of Darkness said, "Big fu**ing deal, to quote the Vice President. I inspire a little investigative journalism, his boys get caught with their pants down, and now he's going all End of Days on me? Bring it on, big boy!"