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Dear Average American,

We know you are hurting badly for a job, and we really want to start hiring you, we really do.  We just need to know that the Bush tax cuts won't be allowed to expire, because that's why we're withholding our money and not hiring you.

You see, if we can only just get more tax cuts, we can continue to get richer and richer in comparison to you, which will allow us to hire even more of you (in stable high paying jobs and not stagnant wages from decade to decade, we promise).  Then, when that wealth disparity contributes to a huge Wall Street bubble that wrecks the economy, and we fire you, your tax money and our comparatively much smaller slice of tax revenue can go to keeping poor endangered big businesses from failing and wrecking the economy even more.  That way, we always make more and more money, as a consequence you're even more likely to get a job eventually, right?

The alternative is us having to pay more than a neglible share of all taxes compared to what the middle class pays, not to mention you making more money, us getting a smaller cut of GDP, and a more stable long-term economic outlook with a higher ceiling of growth for all of us.  But hold on - we wouldn't get as big a PERCENTAGE of it, or as immediate short-term gains.  Lunacy.

That means we'd have to WAIT, and (though we're not starving for food or medicine or shelter like you might possibly be) we REALLY can't have that; profits, interest, and stocks to consider, IMPORTANT THINGS that CAN'T WAIT - you wouldn't understand, because the stakes have never been as high for you (you've never had to consider the possibility of losing a second swimming pool; you wouldn't even know what that MEANS).

Therefore, dear lifelong hard-working American in search of a job, much as we love you, we must make this pledge: we're not hiring you until you help protect your freedoms and demand the government cut our taxes, NOT because this is some kind of cycle we're locking you into where we permanently make you our mule and get you to beg for more, but because we honestly CAN'T afford to hire you guys. Pinky swear.  The incinuation this could be politically motivated or gaming the system is offensive.


Your Corporate Overlords

P.S. Vote Republican

Originally posted to ShadowSD on Fri Jul 09, 2010 at 09:35 AM PDT.

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Comment Preferences

  •  Tip Jar (11+ / 0-)

    I saw Maria Bartalomo (sp?) of CNBC this morning on Daily Rundown talking about how corporations would just start hiring if they knew their tax cuts would be extended.

    This is the same old song.

    The problem is, if one buys into that argument, there is no end to it; the more the rich dwarf us in wealth, the more money they'd theoretically have to hire us, so we should then always root for them to be as rich as possible, and for ourselves to be as poor as possible.

    The corporations clearly have money NOW and are not hiring, and then they just use that to make the case that current administration policies are not helping them hire.  As soon as a policy decision is favorable to them, they can pick that moment to start hiring and claim the policy was the cause, and until the policy decision in the favor is made, they can stand to cease hiring and work on a streamlined basis for a lot longer than the workers can stand to be out of work; they are in position to game every part of the system, and there's no way to chip away at that other than to bring attention to it in a blunt and unforgiving fashion.

    77% of voters support a public option, Congress.

    by ShadowSD on Fri Jul 09, 2010 at 09:35:33 AM PDT

    •  It's actually backwards (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      gfv6800, ShadowSD, PeakRaider

      Corporate taxes are on PROFIT not gross.

      Salaries are fully tax-deductible.

      If I make, say, $500,000 profit, taxed at 15%, that means I pay $75k in taxes and clear $425,000.

      If I hire a worker for $50,000 (including payroll taxes), it actually costs me less than that, because now I'm only paying tax on $450,000, for a tax bill of $67,500. Hiring the worker actually cost me $42,500, not the full $50k.

      If the taxes are 30%, without the worker I pay $150k. With the worker I pay $135k. Net cost of the worker was only $35k.

      Of course, the analysis gets more complicated, since the whole point of hiring the new worker is to increase income. But, as you see, the counterintuitive result is that a higher corporate income tax rate actually decreases the marginal cost of hiring a worker.

      Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by our health plan!

      by elfling on Fri Jul 09, 2010 at 09:59:52 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Please don't forget (7+ / 0-)

    to pay tax on your unemployment income before it ran out. We need it for tax break so that we can go on vacation. You know when your benefit run out you can get a job at the golf club as caddy during our vacation

  •  A nice dish of snarkasm for lunch! (3+ / 0-)

    My favorite!

    "Ridicule may lawfully be employed where reason has no hope of success." -7.75/-6.05

    by QuestionAuthority on Fri Jul 09, 2010 at 09:51:49 AM PDT

  •  From "Dear Abby" (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    marina, PeakRaider

    on the Dead Kennedy's album "Bedtime for Democracy" (1986):

    Dear Abby,

    Got a problem. I'm a decent, underpaid, hardworking county coroner. It's
    important that my family eat meat at least three times a week. But we just can't
    afford to with the prices the way they are. So I bring home some choice cuts from my
    autopsy subjects. Just mix in the Tuna Helper...and ta-da!

    The whole family thinks my new meals are delicious. They ask me what's
    my secret. Abby, I think they're getting suspicious. My smart-ass 8-year-old keeps
    asking, "Where's all the meat? The red dye #2 kind that's kept in the fridge."

    If they find out the truth I don't think they'll understand. Abby, what do I tell
    my family?
    DEAR REAGANOMICS VICTIM: Consult your clergyman. Make sure the body's
    blessed and everything should be just fine.

    I'm a mushroom. Kept in the dark and know

    by The Voice from the Cave on Fri Jul 09, 2010 at 10:27:25 AM PDT

  •  Let's cut to the chase: voluntary slavery. (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    marina, gfv6800, ShadowSD, PeakRaider

    Let's all just quit screwing around and volunteer to be slaves to the corporatocracy. That way it'll be explicit. All the money goes to our corporate overlords; they'll naturally be so very grateful they'll shower us with rainbows, skittles 'n ponies while "employment" (okay, technically slavery, but still) reaches 100%. Jobs for everyone!

    Of course, some of us will be cutting an oligarch's front lawn with dull scissors while our kids are pawing through their trash for something to eat...

    but at least it won't be that damned socialism.

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