Dear Average American,
We know you are hurting badly for a job, and we really want to start hiring you, we really do. We just need to know that the Bush tax cuts won't be allowed to expire, because that's why we're withholding our money and not hiring you.
You see, if we can only just get more tax cuts, we can continue to get richer and richer in comparison to you, which will allow us to hire even more of you (in stable high paying jobs and not stagnant wages from decade to decade, we promise). Then, when that wealth disparity contributes to a huge Wall Street bubble that wrecks the economy, and we fire you, your tax money and our comparatively much smaller slice of tax revenue can go to keeping poor endangered big businesses from failing and wrecking the economy even more. That way, we always make more and more money, as a consequence you're even more likely to get a job eventually, right?
The alternative is us having to pay more than a neglible share of all taxes compared to what the middle class pays, not to mention you making more money, us getting a smaller cut of GDP, and a more stable long-term economic outlook with a higher ceiling of growth for all of us. But hold on - we wouldn't get as big a PERCENTAGE of it, or as immediate short-term gains. Lunacy.
That means we'd have to WAIT, and (though we're not starving for food or medicine or shelter like you might possibly be) we REALLY can't have that; profits, interest, and stocks to consider, IMPORTANT THINGS that CAN'T WAIT - you wouldn't understand, because the stakes have never been as high for you (you've never had to consider the possibility of losing a second swimming pool; you wouldn't even know what that MEANS).
Therefore, dear lifelong hard-working American in search of a job, much as we love you, we must make this pledge: we're not hiring you until you help protect your freedoms and demand the government cut our taxes, NOT because this is some kind of cycle we're locking you into where we permanently make you our mule and get you to beg for more, but because we honestly CAN'T afford to hire you guys. Pinky swear. The incinuation this could be politically motivated or gaming the system is offensive.
Your Corporate Overlords
P.S. Vote Republican