Maybe this is old news, but I was just recently blasted with another of those right-leaning email screeds. This one is called "The Fence." Have you seen it?
Which side of the fence?
If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, here is a test!
If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Democrats demand that those they don't like be shut down.
If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended".
Well, I forwarded it.
Yes, yes, and we all enjoyed a good laugh. But what struck me in particular about this one was not the tired old Dem stereotypes -- we've seen those all before -- but the sheer number of falsehoods this writer concocted about Republicans.
Well, I won't stand for subjecting our friends on the Right to such blatant lies and distortions. In the interest of fairness and bipartisanship, let's set the record straight.
* * * * * * *
If a Republican doesn't like guns, he is not a Republican. He is a wuss.
If a Republican is a vegetarian, he will never tell anyone for fear of having his Republican friends laugh at him, especially if he doesn't like guns either.
If a Republican is homosexual, he will remain in the closet, and loudly and piously condemn all other homosexuals to make absolutely sure no one suspects.
If a Republican is down-and-out, he will lay off employees until his balance sheet temporarily improves. Then when his business fails, he will write the loss off on his taxes.
If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he sends the host vicious, obscenity-laden, misspelled, hate-ridden e-mail messages. Anonymously.
If a Republican is a non-believer, he goes to church anyway, because people will talk.
If a Republican decides he needs health care, he gets an insurance plan that provides all the Cialis he wants for free, while uninsured people go bankrupt trying to pay for their heart medication.
If a Republican reads this, he will share it with his friends, who will all enjoy a good laugh. Then they will try to find out who I am and get me fired.