cross post with Vetvoice:
In 2007 I was lost. I was petrified that I was about to be deployed a mere six months after coming home. I was nowhere near mentally ready for this. I was convinced I was going to die this time, I had already used up too many lives. I didn't know how to tell my story or who to tell it to. A friend suggested Daily Kos. So, a blogger was born. Another veteran, Brandon Friedman, found me on Daily Kos and asked me to write for the new site, Vet Voice. I agreed. At about the same time I got hooked up with Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America (IAVA), who helped me tell my story. For me, it helped me to tell this story, to find others like me who supported me, who understood. Having other people tell me that they asked for help because they heard me speak was invigorating, I was convinced that telling my story was helping other vets. Finding other female vets who understood was a prayer ( I didn't even know I was praying) answered. I became an advocate for veterans, especially women who had experienced combat, through telling my story. This story-telling, and my VA care, helped me adjust to a world that had felt so foreign.
By 2009 I had done multiple appearances in the media and testified before Congress advocating for vets, but I started to find myself disgusted at celebr-vets . . . but, then, someone called me one. I dropped out. I was dis-enchanted with the whole thing. I began to question why I was doing media, what did blogging mean? Initially it helped me and my demons, but was it still? I have continued to wrestle with this, even as I continued VA care, I questioned if my voice mattered? After all, since 2007, SO MANY more female vets have come on the scene and told their story, I was no longer necessary. The gaps I used to fill would be filled by others, I could move on.
What I discovered though, as I questioned myself, was that my friendships with other female vets were an immense source of comfort, friendships that developed because of my advocacy. I needed a connection to the vet community. I became an advocate to help myself at the most basic levels, but I also know I helped others. Recently, one of my fellow female vets, that I met through advocacy, suggested to the VA to invite me to the VA Women's Forum taking place at the Women in Military Service for America (WIMSA) Memorial on Wednesday 28 July 2010. Unfortunately, I have a work conflict. Fortunately, I was also invited to the Forum Reception on 27 July 2010. The reception tonight invigorated me and brought tears to my eyes. I am again grateful I have the opportunity to speak on behalf of others and meet so many people that are working hard to help female vets, and all vets. But I was also aware I was invited to this reception because I am a blogger, everyone else had a direct connection to the VA or was still wearing the uniform. The VA is making a move to reach out to a new generation of vets, so they wanted me to blog . . . which it turns out I am doing.
It is hard to stay grounded in Washington DC- where Senator sightings are like LiLo sightings in Hollywood. Yet, I was extremely honored to find VA Secretary Shinseki introducing himself to our group of female vets. We, of course, thanked him for all the strides the VA has made, to which his only reply was, "we still have a long way to go." How true that is, and how refreshing that he seemed to mean it. Then we were honored to hear from Senator "Aloha" Akaka, Sen. Patty Murray (the first female member of the Senate Committee on Veterans' Affairs) and Congressman Filner who took Veteran Service Organizations (VSO) to task on their female auxiliaries and announced that he is dropping the bill for the "Women Veterans Bills of Rights" tomorrow to coincide with the VA Women's Forum. It was also announced that the National Summit on Women's Issues has been moved up a year from 2012 to 2011 at Sec. Shinseki's request.
So, I was revitalized. I AM revitalized. I want to continue to help veterans and don't ever want to lose sight that I am extremely lucky that I have this opportunity. There are some amazing things that have happened since I became a veteran and improvements are happening every day. I am ready to take the VA to task for everything they do wrong, but am also ready to celebrate every achievement.
To conclude, the emcee said tonight said, "if you've ever been in war you need to share that [with other female vets], and you share the need to share that."