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Professor Plum offered the BPI Squirrel a set of blueprints for a tree house. The Squirrel noted there is no such thing as a Blogiberry Tree.

"But if there were," Plum said, "this would be perfect!"

Maybe it was a sappy attempt to endear himself. Or maybe he'd found this week's mail.

More below the fold....

The BPI Squirrel thought Professor Plum was being nice, insisting he hid the mail in his poker diary, which he keeps among Chef's cookbooks. Chef respects his privacy, and didn't need to read his diary to know he was bluffing a Heart flush at the river. He made the classic mistake of checking his hole cards. Knowing he had only one Heart and not wanting to break it, she merely called. The Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling, perhaps because Chef would have raised had he made the Squirrel's mistake. She smiled and headed to the kitchen to try an imaginative recipe - Cinnamon Raisin Bread Pancakes - leaving your lowly mail room clerk to sort the imaginative from the imaginary in this week's mail....

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

Paging the Church of Satan: Our founding principles demand Barack Obama support your rights to human sacrifice. And Islamofascists: Our founding principles demand Barack Obama support jihad. Carry On.

Erick in GA

Dear Erick,

We think you might object if we called you a Klansman and said you endorse lynching. While at least a few white conservatives in Georgia are or were Klan members and do or did endorse lynching, we are confident you would demand that we either produce evidence that you are among them, or that we apologize and retract the accusation. Thus we suggest you produce evidence that the Muslims seeking to build the Cordoba House engage in or endorse violent jihad or human sacrifice. Unless you can produce such evidence, your statements are no different from imaginary claims that you are a Klansman who endorses lynching.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

What is it about you liberals and evidence? This isn't a courtroom. We're trying to protect America. That's why I worry about Muslims coming here to have their terror babies, then taking the babies back home to train them so they can come back to the U.S. in 20 years and kill us. And that's why I want to change the Fourteenth Amendment to end birthright citizenship.

Louie in TX

Dear Louie,

If we understand you correctly, you claim evidence only matters in court and that we should change the Constitution based on threats that exist only in your imagination. We suggest you imagine what it would be like to be reasonable.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

These threats aren't imaginary. I produced a report that proves police in Texas responded to an invasion by Mexican drug gangs, and still liberals don't believe that one of the most brutal drug cartels crossed the U.S. border and took a ranch from its lawful owner. It's well-confirmed that media blackouts of drug crimes happen in Mexico because the cartels intimidate reporters. But why the media blackout here?

Kimberly in CA

Dear Kimberly,

There is no "media blackout." You reported this in your newspaper's political blog, and admit that it caused a "media firestorm." Then it was debunked. You did not prove police responded to an invasion by a Mexican drug gang. You proved they responded to a tip alleging such an invasion. They did respond to the tip, and found no evidence of any criminal activity. The tip was wrong. We suggest that refusing to report about imaginary implications of an event that did not happen is not a "media blackout." It is responsible journalism, a concept with which you are obviously unfamiliar.

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Dear Ms. Crissie,

I have no evidence, but I imagine those Cinnamon Raisin Bread pancakes are delicious. How could I gather evidence to test my imagination?

Imaginarily Hungry in Blogistan

Dear Imaginarily Hungry,

You can test your imagination by following Chef's recipe. Trim the crusts from 8 slices of cinnamon raisin bread and cut the bread into cubes. Place the bread cubes in a bowl and pour 2 cups of milk over them. Let them stand for 10-15 minutes, until they are very soft and begin to crumble. Then stir in ¾ cup of flour, 2 tablespoons of sugar, 1 tablespoon of baking powder, and ½ teaspoon of salt, until the mixture is blended well. Finally, stir in 2 lightly beaten eggs and 3 tablespoons of melted butter.

To cook, preheat a lightly oiled griddle to 350°. Use ¼ cup of batter for each pancake. Cook for about 3 minutes, until bubbles form on top and the bottom is golden, then flip and cook for another 2 minutes until done through. Serve with your favorite syrup. But not Blogiberry. That is only imaginary. Bon appétit!

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Sources:

Erick in GA.

Louie in TX.

Kimberly in CA; debunked again.

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Happy Sunday!

Crossposted from Blogistan Polytechnic Institute (BPICampus.com)

Originally posted to NCrissieB on Sun Aug 15, 2010 at 04:01 AM PDT.

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