(Lincoln Memorial) Under heavy security, television and radio talk show personality, Glenn Beck, walks through a large crowd to take the stage in front of the imposing Lincoln Memorial. Instead of following others slated to speak before him, a solemn Beck takes the podium and begins to speak.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I came here today to speak to you about the dangers facing our nation and the threats to our country from our first black president. I have even called him a racist.
I have done much to stir up controversy and fear-mongering. No democrat has been safe from my demagoguery. My denouncements isolating Islam as a rogue religion could be viewed as ironic given I have adopted a religion that claims gold tablets discovered in upper state New York back in the 19th century are the inspired word of God.
And speaking of gold, a good portion of my wealth comes from undermining my listeners' belief in the solvency of the banking system while selling those same listeners gold coins. Kind of Biblical, don't you think? You see, I do believe in prophecy as long it is self-fulfilling and self-satisfying.
But I warned you. I told you I was nothing more than "a rodeo clown" and was put here for entertainment purposes. But my over the top clowning around kind of went to your heads and it surely went to mine.
I now compare myself to Washington, Jefferson and the man who sits behind me in stone (without the public service or the long history of drug and alcohol abuse). I even claim to have a direct line to the Big Talker Above.
It is true that besides a recent diagnosis that I have a condition that may lead blindness, I have been diagnosed as ADHD. I guess I could blame my inattention to detail, my inability to listen to others and my hyperactivity to my condition. Surely the impulsivity of scheduling today's event would be a good example. I did not bother or care to think through how today's could be interpreted as making a mockery of the anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech made on this very spot so many years ago.
But today is not my turn to be the victim or for you. I have already done that, firing up white middle-class and wealthy Americans into believing their country was under attack and had been stolen by a man and a party that won the 2008 election fair and square. I did everything in my power to destroy President Obama and to lead a public, some gullible, some ignorant, some racist, some greedy and some who believe that they are, like I believed, to be like kings of old, divinely right with the God-given right to rule.
Ladies and Gentlemen. I had a dream. A megalomaniacal dream. As I look to my side, I want to thank you Sarah, for helping to make this dream possible. I know you share this same dream. But we must stop now. We can still exercise our freedom of speech on this beautiful day without the hate, the lies and the division under the guise of religion and family. Surely the wise among you only need look at our family histories to know you are looking at the wrong place for such guidance. Families are not built on broken homes or models of wild animal behavior.
I will stop now as I have already said much too much. I am sorry for all the pain and hurt I have caused this great country of ours. I have decided to take a vow of silence for the next year. I will be devoting half of all my wealth to those in need. I may return to my radio and television career, but I promise you, I will be a different man than the one you have seen and heard in the past.
Finally I apologize to those who thought I was some kind of messiah or holy man. That was my most obscene act of all. Trust me now on this: Clowns are not destined for divinity.
Thus, the only miracle left to perform will not be mine, but yours. Forgiveness.