This started as innocently as it possibly could. I was sitting around with friends and somebody asked if any of us had ever seen the color skin the John Boehner has. We all thought of it trying to come up with an example. Many of us had travelled all over the world and never seen anything like it. Somebody at the table said it was a tan. But many of us had done some tanning in our time believe you me. One of my friends, I will call him Harry (because that's his name) is obsessed with women with tans and used to hang out out beaches and tanning parlors with rented puppies. Harry claimed he had seen over a million tans and never quite seen one like that. "You know it sort of glows," Harry said. And then it sort of came to everybody at once. There is a possibility that John Boehner is an alien. There doesn't seem to be anything else to explain it. I don't mean like you know illegal alien. I mean like E.T. alien.
Have you ever known anybody whose eyes are quite set in his head like Boehners? Or that voice which is just a little bit too much of a combination of schmoozy and stupid to be human - sort of like a Pauly Shore imperosnation of a used car salesman. I mean isn't there something just a little bit off about the guy? It's like somebody or something somewhere was trying to build a reasonable fascimile of a human being, but they were sort of like our military contractors (you know they probably have military contractors in different universes) and they got it just a little bit wrong. Now I'm not saying that John Boehner is an alien. I just saying there of some curious things about it and I think it would just put everybody at ease if he produced his birth certificate. Now I'm not talking about one of those Ohio birth certificates, because I'm pretty sure that his alien overlords already came down and sneakily put one of those on file (didn't they already do that for Robin Williams?). I'm talking about a real birth certificate that can be verified that the man is actually a citizen of earth.
Just a few more things here that suggest Boehner might have only a passing acquaintance with the human race. First think about his name. The first name is like the most common name possible for the United States - John. But then his second name is Boehner - which has the exact same sound as Boner. This is only the type of thing that an alien overlord who has been watching too many of those Redneck comedy shows on the comedy channel in order to understand earth could come up with. No, that's not a real name. That is a name made up by an alien overlord. And Boehner claims that his skin color comes from a "tan", but have any of you ever actually seen a picture of Boehner tanning himself. I challenge you to find one. I did a google search of John Boehner and tan and all the hits talked about how wierd the tan was but that's it. And why is he spending all that time of golf courses. Over a hundred rounds of golf in a year. Does anybody like golf that much. I think not my friends, I think not. No, it is a well known fact that aliens need green and large swaths of open space to contact their home base. While other people are golfing Boehnere may be contacting his alien overlord and giving him our military secrets like the surge and that stuff.
There are some questions here. I'm not saying absolutely Boehner is an alien. But let him produce a birth certificate certifying he is a citizen of earth and clear all this up once and for all. Then we can move on - possibly to Sarah Palin. But I don't think even the aliens would admit to her being part of their species.