I went to Georgia at the beginning of the month to visit someone dear. I met her when she was 12 and she tickled my heart in ways she probably still isn't aware of. Blue eyed and blonde with porcelain skin and a smile as sweet as a cherub's, along with a mischievous sparkle in her eye that made me smile and remember . . .
We'd become fast friends since our initial meeting and she sealed the deal, two years later, when she came to stay with us for a weekend just after I'd married her brother and I found her trying on every stitch of clothing in my closet, never having asked me . . . I was so shocked and taken aback by what I thought then to be her brazen disregard that I wanted to spit nails and, at the same time, couldn't help but smile at the wide-eyed delight she took in carefully choosing the feel and line of the clothing she was trying on and modeling for no one other than herself.
She's the ex's sister and she'll be my sister-in-law and friend until my body gives out, I suspect.
I arrived Thursday evening and was staying until Monday morning. We'd made some loose plans of how we wanted to spend our time together, but nothing was written in stone.
I've been a bit of a recluse for longer than I care to remember and, for me, it was just nice to spend time with someone who knew me well and still liked being around me, given the trial by fire the last two years or so have been, the effect it's all had on me, and the new normal that's been left me.
We decided to go the Georgia Aquarium the next day, something I was really looking forward to. I'm not your standard sight-seer. Couldn't care less about Gettysburg or The Grand Canyon. Show me Beale Street or the crossroads though, and I'm good.
For reasons I can't express verbally, the Aquarium had me intrigued, sight unseen.
Daniel and OPOL met us there; we had lunch, visited, and shared some thoughts and giggles. Those who know me know that I'm a bit of a social misfit and socializing and small talk tend to make me uneasy and anxious. I wanted to try to do this without anxiety meds beforehand and while I think it went fairly decent, I was nervous and proceeded to babble nonstop on all the variants of nothing as though I had a tic . . . ::::sigh:::: In any case, it was truly lovely to see my friends again and I'm grateful to them both for taking time out of their days and their lives to meet and visit with us.
The aquarium proved to be a needed balm to my soul. I gazed in awe as three whalesharks glided effortlessly and with such grace along with the giant ray, the sawtooth and hammerhead sharks and hundreds of other fish, with plenty of room to spare. Everyone co-mingling and co-habitating in relaxed and comfortable harmony. We humans could stand to take notes from these beautiful, peaceful creatures.
We happened to be there during feeding time for the rays and whalesharks and the immenseness of their size and the amount that they take in is staggering. A female employee of the aquarium was giving a narrative while the whalesharks fed. Interestingly, she noted something I was thinking as I observed. What if one of the other fish swim into the whaleshark's mouth while it's feeding? No worries . . . it's happened before . . . the fish just swims out of one of the whalesharks gills.
Saturday took us to Helen, an adorable little alpine village that summons Hansel and Gretel in my mind. The trip there took over an hour and took me on a journey all my own. The drive was beautiful and peaceful.
.
I watched as hawks gathered in the sky and caught the air currents, gliding effortlessly. And out of the corner of my eye I saw it, over to the left, off the road about 20 feet . . . a revival tent.
And I went back in my mind . . . .
It was 1975, I was 18 and recently released from the hospital. I’d had a kidney stone that’d gotten lodged in my ureter that had to be removed surgically. They had to pretty much cut halfway through my body via a 5" long incision. After a four hour surgery, a two hour stay in recovery where I stopped breathing three separate times (my body loves anesthesia) and twenty-one days in the hospital, I was home. I'd been seeing a guy from the next city over. A beer-drinker and hell-raiser found Jesus who wanted to save me . . . Danny.
What Danny didn't know was that I cut my teeth in church. I was Greek Catholic. Growing up, when I wasn't in school, I was probably in church. Greek Catholic is very, very close to Greek Orthodox. We had nearly as many holy days, outside of Sunday mass, as there are blades of grass on the planet and my Dad saw to it that I was at mass for nearly all of them. Saturdays were catechism followed by confession and mass. At 7, I was making up sins because I couldn't go to confession without something to confess. At 9, I was seriously considering a vocation. I wonder if they have me now, a multi-pierced and tattooed woman? Sister Dark Dreams of the Black Lipstick Order - notably one the cloistered orders, taken to vows of silence.
And so, I let Danny try to save my lowly soul. He took me to, what was then, one of the up-and-coming mega churches. We walked into a packed house. Everyone, filled with love. A little much for me, but I was trying to be open-minded. The service got underway and the energy was palpable, the music, loud and overpowering. The preacher was preaching fast and hard and the crowd responded with enthusiastic fervor. And there I stood, quietly observing.
A woman in her late 30s, standing behind me, arms outstretched, began to speak incoherently and quite loudly. I turned to look at her and to my complete surprise, her eyes had rolled up in her head and she looked to be having a mini seizure, speaking in a language all her own. Danny smiled reassuringly and explained that she was talking in tongues.
All I saw, through my 18 years old eyes, was a woman possessed and not by anything divine.
The next thing I knew a large man came over and wrapped his arms around me in an embrace I was not expecting. And while I wanted to believe Danny that this person was "filled with the spirit", I was horrified that a stranger was pulling me into an uninvited and unexpected embrace.
I left confused and freaked out, but tried to be open minded in my response when Danny asked my thoughts on the drive home.
About three weeks later, Danny ended our summer romance. At the time, all I could think was that I wasn't "saving material". He tried to explain the best he could and I was left astonished.
He handed me a picture of a beautiful woman with long, dark hair, topless. She had a blonde boa constrictor draped around her neck, her arms folded confidently in front of her, looking directly into the camera. Nothing sexual about it, from my view. She simply depicted strength and confidence to me.
He told me this was why he was breaking up with me. And I understood that he saw me as clearly in league with the Morning Star, who’d obviously taken the form of my new pal, the snake. What I saw, however, was something completely different.
To this day, when I think of Danny, I smile.
Helen was as cute as I remember, all the little shops bustling and alive, preparing for Oktoberfest. It was a bit more crowded than I was comfortable with, but I kept my focus where I needed it to be to avoid overload and anxiety.
I left on Monday filled with memories still forming. And I found myself grateful and thanking the universe for time well spent with people I enjoy and care enough about to let in a little.©