Everything is bigger in Texas. The miles between gas stations. The years, sometimes a decade or more, between Texas Department of Agriculture inspectors ensuring the pumps have been checked for accuracy. The gigantic brass balls of the State's current Agriculture Commissioner, Todd Staples.
What ought to have been a simple “Yes, we could use more enforcement dollars” question in a newspaper editorial board interview has turned into a statewide scandal for Staples, complete with TDA inspectors being pulled from all over the state to cover up the mess, camera crews catching them in the act, and testy, inappropriate letters from the Texas Agriculture Commission's general counsel to the media who are just doing their duty in reporting the story.
It’s all good for John McCain ... but not nearly as good as it is for Staples’ Democratic opponent, Hank Gilbert.
The Dallas Morning News does side by side interviews of candidates for state wide offices. The pair come in, sit down, and they take turns answering a prepared set of questions. Staples took exception to The Case For Competence, Gilbert’s plan for the Texas Department of Agriculture.
It seems that Staples has been derelict in inspection duties, even by the very broad standards of Republican dominated Texas. Pumps, some still bearing thirteen year old sticker from when Rick Perry held the Agriculture Commissioner’s office, have been found cheating consumers by as much as $0.14/gallon. 40% of pumps statewide have not been inspected in the last four years.
Then the race was on. Gilbert held a press conference in Tyler, across from the station with the thirteen year old inspection stickers. While they were filming a Texas Department of Ag inspector pulled up and began examining the pumps.
And they just kept coming. Employees from Dallas. From Austin. From as far away as Amarillo. That’s 459 miles. They came to Tyler, not to protect consumers, but to keep consumers from knowing how badly Staples has been doing his job.
Could this get any sillier? Sure could – Staples had a cease & desist letter sent by the general counsel of the state department of Agriculture to the media for daring to cover this story. We don’t have a copy of this gem yet but I’m sure we’re on the path to getting Staples an entry in Encyclopedia Dramatica.
Let's review. Basic governance issue not being addressed? Check. Customers ripped off? Check. State employees driving thousand mile round trips in an attempt to cover the Texas Agriculture Commissioner's ass? Check. Use of taxpayer funded attorney in an attempt to intimidate the media? Check.
When I first heard this last night I figured there was going to be a punch line – it's not unheard of for campaigners to blow off steam with elaborate practical jokes on their fellows. Only this time the joke is on the Texas taxpayers, and no one is laughing.