Following a tradition dating back to Delilah, the faculty and staff took their time revealing the curvaceous and coveted 2010 BPI Awards. Today we reveal the bottoms of our Bippies, political columns not written in the past year. And lest we be labeled Luddites, we expanded non-existence to include the internet.
More below the fold....
The Bottoms of Our Bippies - Political Columns
It was a poignant morning for the resident faculty and staff of Blogistan Polytechnic Institute. We took a moment to caress the memories of Bippies already exposed this year: the TV Ads, Movies, and TV Series. It was a brief caress, as the memories began to tingle and we dared not risk Christine O'Donnell questioning our purity of essence. Then we began to assay the field, as non-existent political columns - like curvaceous and coveted Bippies - are rare. With the scope of non-existence expanded to include the internet, it was difficult to find political droppings that were not excreted over the past year.
We tried yet again to schedule this ceremony at the opulent Kodiak Theater. And yet again, the parks department and ASPCA said no. It seems bears do this in the woods. We considered following their example, but found we needed both a WiFi connection and mosquito repellent. That exceeded our production budget, so yet again we reveal our Bippies online. As always, the voting was by secreted ballot and tabulated in BPI's state-of-the-art High-Energy Meta Mojo Eludication Detector (HEMMED) Lab, without touching that red button. The results were kept safe in Pootie the Precious' litter box. Pardon the smell.
So without further adieux, here are the 2010 nominees:
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War Isn't All Good, by Jeffrey Goldberg
Lead: Although I promoted the Iraq War and now promote war with Iran, I should note that war isn't all good. Wars offer meaty stories for young journalists eager to gain contacts in the corridors of power, but most wars happen in places that lack good coffee shops. Before the U.S. invades Iran, we must establish a Java for Journalists fund. War is too important to undertake lightly....
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I Can Be Brief, by Glenn Greenwald
Like President Obama, I am sometimes criticized for being too wordy. This isn't. Comments?
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Glennzilla Slams Obama Again, by RandomKossack
Lead: Glenn Greenwald can't even admit his own mistakes without slamming President Obama. Here is his latest:
"Like President Obama, I am sometimes criticized for being too wordy. Comments?"
Comment: This is completely out of context. You left out "This isn't," the central point in Glenn's argument.
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Obama Will Visit Mars, by William Kristol
Lead: As I have a perfect record to maintain, I'll make another prediction. President Obama will visit Mars this year in an effort to reach across the aisle of space to other planets. Like my past predictions, being completely wrong on this will not damage my credibility as a political expert among newspaper editors or cable news producers. But that last prediction will probably be true, ruining my perfect record. I should quit now....
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My Purity of Essence, by Christine O'Donnell
Lead: On lonely nights when my body aches for the touch of the man for whom I am saving my virginity, I open the Bible for inspiration. Passages from the Song of Solomon make my breasts rise like the full moon and my loins sparkle like the morning dew. Thy Rod And Staff - $19.99 at AltaredToys, chastity belt and batteries not included, campaign funds accepted - they comfort me....
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And the winner is....
More Noms Pweeze, by Pootie the Precious.
Leed: Hay Hooman. Get off dat puter and feedz me.
We're not entirely surprised. Maybe by next year we'll find another place to store the results. Who got your vote?
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Happy Wednesday!
Crossposted from Blogistan Polytechnic Institute (BPICampus.com)