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I haven't been around lately, but I lost my Mom today and I need to talk. She went in the hospital on Sept 1, 2010 to get a breathing treatment, she had COPD, and ended up having a massive heart attack. She was in intensive care for about a month and seemed to be doing much better. She was transferred to a different hospital which specializes in weaning patients off ventilators. There, they had her sitting up on the side of the bed, sitting in a chair and were even going to start getting her to try and walk today. She was incredibly anxious to get home.

They did a procedure this morning that took samples of the fluid in her lungs for examination and apparently this caused her lung to collapse and she ended up having another heart attack. They couldn't bring her back this time.

We had made so many plans for this fall. A trip to the mountains. A trip to the zoo. Everything in this house has her stamp on it. I don't know if I can continue living here anymore. Everything reminds me of her. I see her cooking at the stove, playing with the cats. I see unfinished projects. Christmas decorations that she loved putting out at the holidays. Books she liked to read. Her reading glasses. I know that with time this will get better, but I can't begin to describe the intense pain I'm in right now. She was my best friend.

We talked everyday when I was at work, sometimes several times a day. She was the first person I called when I got news, good or bad. When I'd take a trip for work, I'd call her to let her know what the city was like, the tourist spots, etc. When I went to New York for the first time, I called her from Times Square and she was so excited that I got to go. She was my life.

I can't imagine ever going to the movies again without her. Or eating at our favorite restaurant. Doing anything without her seems like a little slice of hell right now.

She devoted everything to me and me to her. To give you an example, there was a Spider Man comic book that came out with Obama on the cover. She stood in line for 2 hours at a comic book store to get me a copy. That was typical for her.

I just feel so incredibly alone and I needed to get this out. Thanks for listening.

UPDATE

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts. You helped me get through a lonely night. I was finally able to get some sleep. Give your loved ones a hug and a squeeze today and tell them that you love them. Peace.

Originally posted to DJShay on Fri Oct 08, 2010 at 10:00 PM PDT.

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