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No, seriously. I know several of you think I exaggerate 24/7, but I really do hate Wisconsin.

OK, maybe not the whole state, but just the east half.

OK, maybe not the east half, but just the Green Bay area.

There ya go! I fucking hate Green Bay! That makes more sense than hating the entire state, I assume. Because I love Madison. And I have a soft spot for the Dells. And I rather enjoy Eau Claire and La Crosse. And, of course, the cheese. I heart cheese like nobody's business.

But Green Bay can suck it.

I was born and raised in Green Bay. I lived there for 24 years, and loathed just about every single, solitary minute of it. I spent several years in therapy just trying to get over the nasty childhood I'd endured. For many years now, I was under the false impression that I'd made relative peace with my past.

For the most part, though, that was probably true. Until I had to vacate the premises here in Colorado and move in with my parents in Wisconsin recently. (I'm now back in Colorado, thank God!)

I rarely go back to Wisconsin, because I find my family (and Green Bay in general) extremely toxic. I can count the number of times I've been back, since I moved to Colorado in '97, on one hand. And there was, of course, good reason for that.

Needless to say, not much has changed.

For example:

A state-by-state comparison by a Wisconsin newspaper concluded that the Badger State is the most deeply affected by alcohol use in the U.S.

The Appleton Post-Crescent reported July 6 that the analysis included 10 key measures of each state's drinking culture, including price, availability, consumption, and related criminal-justice, social and health impacts of use.

"Looking at the measures the way you did, Wisconsin is the worst," said Traci Toomey, an associate professor and epidemiologist at the University of Minnesota.

Alcohol is very much a cultural thing in the Green Bay area; you're sort of looked at as a freak if you choose not to drink. Also, alcohol makes people do extremely stupid shit. Sadly, Wisconsin's DUI laws are some of the worst in the country:

First Wisconsin OWI Offense
Fine – From $150 to $300
License Suspension – From 6 to 9 Months

Occupational License Possible
SR22 Insurance Required
Alcohol Assessment
(notice no jail time)

2nd Drunk Driving Conviction
Jail – From 5 Days to 6 Months
Fine – From $300 to $1,100
License Suspension – From 12 Months to 18 Months

Occupational License – After 60 Days
Occupational License – After 12 Months (If within 5 Years of 1st.)
SR22 Insurance Required (For Occupational License)
Vehicle May Be Immobilized or,
Ignition Interlock Device Required
Alcohol Assessment
(What, that's IT?!)

3rd Drunk Driving Conviction
Jail – From 30 Days to 1 Year
Fine – From $600 to $2,000
License Suspension – From 2 Years to 3 Years

Occupational License – After 90 Days
Occupational License – After 12 Months (If 2 Offenses within a 5 Year Period)
SR22 Insurance Required (For Occupational License)
Ignition Interlock Device or,
Vehicle May Be Immobilized or,
Vehicle May Be Seized
Alcohol Assessment
(Only 30 days and a really low fine for the 3RD offense?! Sounds like a slap on the wrist to me!)

You can compare those stats to virtually any state in the nation, and Wisconsin is bound to come away the loser. Let's take, oh, I don't know, Arkansas:

First Drunk Driving Conviction in Arkansas
Jail: From 24 Hours to 1 Year or Public Service
Jail: From 7 Days to 1 Year or Public Service (Child Under 16 in Vehicle)
Fine: From $150-$1,000
License Suspension: 6 Months

Ignition Interlock Device May Be Allowed by Court
Alcohol Education or Treatment Program (Possible $125 Fee)
Attend Victim Impact Panel

Second Drunk Driving Conviction (Within 5 Years of 1st)
Jail: From 7 Days to 1 Year
Jail: From 30 Days to 1 Year (Child Under 16 in Vehicle)
Fine: From $400-$3,000
License Suspension: 24 Months

Ignition Interlock Device May Be Allowed After 45 Days of Suspension
Complete Alcohol Education or Treatment Program (Possible $125 Fee)
Attend Victim Impact Panel

Third Drunk Driving Conviction (Within 5 Years of 1st)
Jail: From 90 Days to 1 Year
Jail: From 120 Days to 1 Year (Child Under 16 in Vehicle)
Fine: From $900-$5,000
License Suspension: 30 Months

Ignition Interlock Device May Be Allowed After One Year by Court
Community Service: Minimum 90 Days
Community Service: Minimum 120 Days (Child Under 16 in Vehicle)
Complete Alcohol Education or Treatment Program (Possible $125 Fee)
Attend Victim Impact Panel

Right. So Wisconsin sucks shit in this department, essentially.

I was also wondering about domestic violence since alcohol tends to make people, ya know, angry. A study published recently provided some scary numbers:

MADISON, Wis. (AP) -- A new report says 67 people died in domestic violence incidents in Wisconsin last year.

The Wisconsin Coalition Against Domestic Violence report notes the tally is the highest since the group started tracking data in 2000.

Well. That can't be good.

And can you take a wild guess as to who the alcoholics and domestic abusers in Wisconsin take an extreme shine to? Yup, you pegged it: Ron Johnson. In a move in 2009 as a private citizen, that can only be described as "cold and callous", Mr. Johnson voiced support for everbody's favorite people: Catholic child molesters.

In his testimony before the Wisconsin legislature, he said it was "extremely important to consider the economic havoc...and the other victims" that the new law would "likely create" -- ridiculously comparing child abuse victims to the economic damages faced by employers being sued. Johnson warned that the Child Victims Act would lead to businesses or other organizations that work with children to be "damaged or destroyed" by civil suits and that it would "send a chilling signal" to civic-minded organizations like the Boy Scouts to not work with children in the future. He then opined that if the bill were passed, "I have no doubt trial lawyers would benefit, I'm not so sure that the actual victims would."

Pathetically, there's some video footage:

Even Nellie Oleson said:

"Do you have to flunk a course in logic to run for office?"

Apparently, in Wisconsin, you do. Not that that's really different than anywhere else in the country, but I'm just saying.

Ron Johnson is a boil on the butt of humanity. Just reading about him gets my dander up, I swear. He reminds me of most of the guys I grew up with in Green Bay: too "macho" to know that "macho" actually means, ya know, weak.

Plus, and I totally intend to be both rude and mean here, I fear for the size of this man's penis. It's been my experience that "tough guys" like Ron Johnson truly have nothing to offer in terms of sex and so, of course, they completely overcompensate in other ways.

While I was in Wisconsin for a month, I saw a bumper sticker that reminded me of the Ron Johnsons of the world:

Nice truck. Sorry about your penis!

It was awesome. :)

Anyway. Ron Johnson is a virtual unknown in Wisconsin, a real uncertainly, but he's still crushing Russ Feingold in the polls. And that scares me because, where I come from, education means squat. But a real "man's man" scores serious points.

Wisconsinites are worried about the economy, and more of them think Oshkosh businessman Ron Johnson is the best Senate candidate to help fix it, according to a new poll released by a Madison multimedia partnership.

Johnson, the Republican nominee, leads Democratic U.S. Sen. Russ Feingold 49 percent to 41 percent — although the lead is within the poll's margin of error of plus or minus 5 percent. The numbers square with several other recent polls in which the political newcomer leads the 18-year Senate veteran.

Feingold said Thursday that he has internal polling numbers that show him with a slight lead.

Depending upon the survey, Feingold is trailing Johnson by anywhere from 9 points to 15 points. I have no clue why Feingold's "internal polling numbers" show him with an edge, but I'm certain that it's wishful thinking on his part.

Russ Feingold needs our help!
We can't lose this stellar senator and dog-eared advocate for the little guy!

For someone like me, who truly hates where she comes from (geographically speaking), Russ Feingold is a bright light in a sea of darkness. Russ is a hero of mine for, among other things, being the only senator to vote against the PATRIOT Act, and one of the few senators to vote against the Iraq war.

Feingold also:
    * co-sponsored the McCain-Feingold Act;
    * worked for Mo Udall;
    * became a Rhodes Scholar:
    * voted to dismiss the impeachment of Bill Clinton:
    * voted against the confirmation of John Ashcroft:
    * is an opponent of NAFTA;
    * is a proponent of immigration reform;
    * is anti-death penalty;
    * voted against the confirmation of Timothy Geithner;
    * is pro-veteran;
    * tried to prosecute George W. Bush;
    * is an advocate of a single payer healthcare system; and
    * is all for same-sex marriage!

Russell D. Feingold is a good, true man. Ron Johnson is a fucking poseur. Please do what's right here, Wisconsinites!

Donate here to Russ on ActBlue!
UPDATE (from the comments, h/t JekyllnHyde) - Phone numbers for helping out the Feingold campaign!

   Appleton Office: 502 W. College Avenue (920) 997-4721

   Ashland Office: 316 W. Main Street (715) 682-2691

   Eau Claire Office: 405 S. Barstow Street (715) 836-7915

   Fond du Lac Office: 51 N. Main Street (920) 922-0485

   Green Bay Office: 1061 W Mason St (920) 497-1375

   Hudson Office: 206 2nd Street, C-1 (715) 381-3525

   Janesville Office: 321 East Milwaukee Street 608-756-4099

   Kenosha Office: 6132 22nd Avenue (262) 657-8411

   La Crosse Office: 116 5th Avenue South (608) 782-1588

   Madison-Campus Office: 125 W. Mifflin Street (608) 251-3500

   Middleton Office: 8309 Greenway Blvd (608) 831-7877

   Milwaukee (Oak Creek): 7435 S. Howell (414) 764-6042

   Milwaukee (North Side): 7980 W. Appleton Ave (414) 393-3270

   Milwaukee (South Side): 808 W. Mitchell St. (414) 645-9720

   Milwaukee Office: 207 E Buffalo St, Ste 302 (414) 727-5682

   Platteville Office: 150 McGregor Plaza (608) 348-6690

   Porterfield Office: (715) 735-7811

   Racine Office: 2005 Lathrop Avenue (262) 633-4240

   Sheboygan Office: 812 Erie Avenue (920) 208-4553

   Stevens Point Office: 929 Main Street (715) 344-8702

   Waukesha Office: 251 W. Broadway Street, Suite 100 (262) 446-0697

   Wausau Office: 120 Clark Street (715) 842-3900

Originally posted to I don't think you're ready for this jelly. on Sat Oct 09, 2010 at 10:31 PM PDT.

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