From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
A Massey Business: A Play in Two Acts
Act I: September 28
[Ding Dong!]
[Mine manager, in bathrobe and shower cap, opens door]
Manager: Yes?
Inspector: Good mawnin'. Is this the Seng Creek coal mine owned by...[flips up papers on clipboard]...Massey Energy?
Manager: Um... May I ask who wants to know?
Inspector: I'm sorry. Where are my manners? Yes, I'm from the Federal Mine Safety and Health Administration. Here's my ID. I'm just here for a little surprise inspection, is all. Shouldn’t take more'n a few minutes.
Manager: Well, this is surely a surprise. Normally we're told in advance of your arrival.
Inspector: Well, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, my good man, seeing as you've so steadfastly cleaned up your operations after all those accidents and explosions and deaths and whatnot. In fact, we were just sayin' this mornin' back at the office how wonderful it was to know that, of all the inspections we're doing this month, we could count on at least one mine operator---Massey Energy!---to pass with flying colors!
Manager: Um... Could you excuse me for just one moment?
[Manager, smiling, closes door.]
[Manager pulls out Blackberry and texts, furiously: CODE RED! CODE RED!]
[Manager opens door, still smiling.]
Manager: Well, you look like you've traveled a long way. Would you like some coffee? Tea? Pot roast? Game of chess?
Inspector: Thank you, thank you, but I think I just wanna do my little inspection and leave you to your mining.
Manager, under his breath: I think I want my mommy.
Act II: October 7
[The stage is bare except for a radio on a stool.]
Radio newscaster's voice: "A surprise inspection has turned up serious safety violations that could have caused an explosion at another Massey Energy Co. coal mine in West Virginia, the federal Mine Safety and Health Administration said Thursday.
Inspectors caught Massey illegally cutting too deeply into the coal seam at its Seng Creek Powellton Mine about 40 miles south of Charleston in Boone County, the agency said. A foreman also admitted skipping mandatory tests for explosive gases, and inspectors caught Massey cutting coal with ventilation curtains rolled up and left out of the way, MSHA said."
Mine manager, in bathrobe and shower cap, enters from stage right, holds up the loofah in his hand, and shakes it vigorously: Damn you, big government and your meddling ways! Daaaaamn Yooooooooou!!!
[Curtain!]
Please stay and meet the cast in the lobby! Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Note: Meteor Blades says: "Only you should win Sara R's historic 'n snuggly autographed Netroots Nation '07 quilt by entering the drawing to benefit the Jerry Brown campaign. Your donation could be the one that keeps Meg Whitman out of the California statehouse!" And that's what Meteor Blades says. In my head. When I've drunk too much sarsaparilla.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Thanksgiving: 43
Days `til the Georgia Sweet Potato Festival in Ocilla: 17
Expected forecast of U.S. economic growth this year and next year, down from economists' original May prediction of 3.2%: 2.6%
(Source: National Association of Business Economics)
Anti-government militias active in the U.S. in 2008: 42
Anti-government militias active in the U.S. in 2009: 127
(Source: Time)
Amount donated to the Bureau of Public Debt last year to help retire our $13.4 trillion debt: $3.1 million
(Source: The Week)
Rank of Lady Gaga, Michael Jackson and Katy Perry on the current list of most-searched-for celebrity Halloween costumes: #1, #2, #3
(Source: Yahoo!)
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 173 (including 3 Tribulation Temples and 1 Faithpalm). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Worst synchronized puppy routine ever.
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CHEERS to going out with a whimper. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Those four words, in that order, will soon be uttered only in the context of a dark and shameful time in our country's history---a 17-year Congress-sanctioned tease that gave gay and lesbian servicemembers the falsest sense of security about their ability to serve without being witch-hunted out of the military. Yesterday a federal judge drove what will likely be the final nail in DADT's coffin, ordering an immediate suspension of the policy. In response, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) wrote a letter to Attorney General Eric Holder. Then she and 20 other senators signed it. Then they slipped it into an envelope, added a handful of sparkle glitter, sealed it with a glob of melted red wax, and gave it to the Senatorial carrier pigeon for delivery. A snip:
Dear Mr. Attorney General, [...]
Thank you for your attention to this urgent matter. We look forward to hearing from you.
I take it from the shoe you just threw at my head that you might appreciate another little snip for context. Picky picky...
DADT harms military readiness, as well as the morale and the cohesiveness of our armed forces, at a time when our military’s resources are strained and unity is critically important. For every person discharged after ten years of service, six new servicemembers would need to be recruited to recover the level of experience lost by that discharge. This not only weakens our military, but neither is it an effective use of our government resources or taxpayer monies.
Read the whole thing here. Last night on NBC news, legal eagle Pete Williams said that he expected the military would just quietly stop enforcing the policy. It may, in other words, simply die a quiet and oh-so-anticlimactic death. But, for the record, I won't be satisfied until there's a surrender signing and all-night rave on a battleship.
P.S. History will now give the Judicial branch credit for neatly and tidily demolishing DADT, while the Executive and Legislative branches will be given credit for dithering. They should all pat themselves on the back for jobs well done.
CHEERS to the world's newest mine ride. They've started bringing up the 33 Chilean miners---who have each lost an average of 20 pounds since they were trapped 70 days ago---on their half-mile journey in a tiny capsule through a tunnel bored into the hardest rock in the world. So far, so good---but earlier there was an unforeseen, um, complication:
"Wheeee!!! Let's do it again!"
"Um, Florencio? Look, we'd love to let you ride this all day, but...we got 32 others down there who really, really want to come up and..."
"Wheee!!! It tickles my tummmmmmmy...!!!"
"Dammit, he's gone down again! Florencio! This is not good! You're starting to piss us off a little bit! Florencioooooo...!!!"
You can take the miner outta the kid (Yay child labor laws!)...but you can't take the kid outta the miner.
CHEERS (if we must) to stiff upper lips. Margaret Thatcher---`The Iron Lady'---gets 85 candles in her kidney pudding today. She led Britain from 1979 to 1990, breaking the trade unions, invading the Falkland Islands, and drooling over Ronald Reagan. (TMI?) She has a not-so-secret bigshot admirer, y'know: Sarah Palin, who calls Thatcher "one of my political heroines." Yes, one of her political heroines. A political heroine she had no idea existed until late 2008. When Palin was 44. Better late than never, I guess, you betcha!
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Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. Over at Balloon Juice, John Cole is suffering from Senate Derangement Syndrome (I am, too!) and asks: Can you imagine the progress we would have made the last two years with all the solid legislation passed by the Pelosi-led House that will never see the light of day because of the obstruction of the 100 preening assholes in the Senate?
Grrrrrrr.......
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!
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JEERS to celebrity (non-)power. On October 13, 1957, entertainment titans Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra introduced a new car on ABC-TV. The hour-long special was a big ratings hit. Unfortunately, the car they were hawking was the Ford Edsel. And not even God could move that thing.
JEERS to blowing up the ol' homestead and then dropping a bomb on the rubble. Never owned a house. And after watching the current foreclosure mess-within-a-mess, I don’t think we'll ever want to. On the other hand, I'm starting to think we all might be able to buy a McMansion for a bag of magic beans if we wait long enough. I don’t understand much about what the hell's going on (besides knowing it's really bad), but this bit by AP real estate writer Michelle Conlin makes spells it out in plain and simple vulture terms:
Allegations of possible mortgage fraud against financial giants GMAC, JPMorgan Chase and Bank of America read like a corporate thriller: forged documents, faked Social Security numbers, phantom titles, disappearing paper trails, "robo-signers" and mortgages sliced and diced so many times that nobody really knows who owns them. [...] The alleged document fraud could open up the entire chain of foreclosure proceedings to legal challenge. Some foreclosures could be overturned, others deemed outright fraudulent. Before a housing recovery can occur, all those foreclosed properties have to be re-scrutinized by the banks and then sold.
Or, in nine words of my own: We trusted the banksters again...and got fucked again. I'm sensing a pattern here.
CHEERS to naval gazing. 235 years ago today, the Continental Congress said, "Sure, why not?" (or, more accurately: "Sureth, why noteth?") to arming two ships with cannons. Little did they know that they had just formed the United States Navy. Their first official slogan is still in use today: "Beat Army."
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Five years ago in C&J: October 13, 2005
This is from our "By the Numbers" section: Percent of Americans who agree with this statement: "If President Bush did not tell the truth about his reasons for going to war with Iraq, Congress should consider holding him accountable by impeaching him.": 50%
(Source: Ipsos Public Affairs poll)
JEERS to the looming epidemic. No, not the avian flu, silly. People colliding with telephone poles, lamp posts and each other because they're watching Desperate Housewives on the just-announced video iPod. Order now and Apple will send you a free coupon good for resetting one broken nose.
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And just one more...
CHEERS to speaking the truthiest truth to the poweriest power. Obama. Some of us love the job he's doing! Some of us hate the job he's doing! The rest of us...um...kinda like some of the job he's doing and kinda have a quibble here and there with some the job he's doing! It's all so confusing! Maybe we should be liking him more...or less...or the same! If only there was someone we could trust who could give us a roadmap for knowing when to properly be an ally at his side...or a burr in his shorts. Like, say, a Teddy Roosevelt-like figure from 92 years ago:
"The President is merely the most important among a large number of public servants. He should be supported or opposed exactly to the degree which is warranted by his good conduct or bad conduct, his efficiency or inefficiency in rendering loyal, able, and disinterested service to the Nation as a whole. Therefore it is absolutely necessary that there should be full liberty to tell the truth about his acts, and this means that it is exactly necessary to blame him when he does wrong as to praise him when he does right. Any other attitude in an American citizen is both base and servile.
To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Nothing but the truth should be spoken about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one else."
Teddy Roosevelt. 1918. Thanks, man. And, if I may say: impressive stick.
Have a nice Wednesday. And re-enactors: store those rations carefully! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Is Cheers and Jeers some kind of homoerotic thing they do, they put on these uniforms and dance around? What do they actually do?"
---Chris Matthews
10/11/10
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