Hi plf515 here.
I'm learning disabled. Always have been. Always will be. That's disabled, because there are some things that almost everyone can do that I cannot.
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A while back, in reaction to the upcoming movie "Tropic Thunder" there was a lot of discussion of the use of words, in particular, the word "retard" which is apparently used a lot in the movie. Some people are proposing boycotting the movie. Some people want to try to ban the word, or make is socially unacceptable.
Growing up, I was called 'retard'. Also 'spazzo', 'brain damaged', 'stupid', and so on. Names hurt. The saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me" is, frankly, stupid. I am well-aware that names hurt. Names can even help cause suicide.
But what should we do about it?
If we could wave a magic wand and make the word 'retard' disappear, would it help? I don't think it would. Because it's just as bad to be called "brain damaged". That's my experience, anyway.
And will boycotting movies that use words like this help? I don't think so. Because, while a movie may increase use of a word like 'retard' I don't think it will fundamentally change any behavior --- kids are going to be cruel to each other, and so will adults (usually to a lesser extent), and no movie or boycott of a movie is going to stop that.
So, what should we do?
Rather than trying to ban certain words, why not work on healing the wounds they cause, or on preventing them from harming us in the first place?
Why do words hurt? Because we think they might be true. As a child, I was never called e.g. 'fattie' because, in fact, I was very thin. Being called 'fattie' would not have hurt, because I knew it wasn't true. But 'retard' --- well.... I certainly was far behind my peers in some things; "spazzo" --- oh, definitely. I was surely that. (I'm still clumsy). "Brain damaged" --- yeah, there is something the matter with my brain ---- I'm learning disabled.
So, what we need to do is to build up our children (my son is also LD) so that they have defenses against these attacks. This can happen, I think, in two ways. One works against the ignorant application of labels that are inaccurate. Someone called my son stupid. Later, he told me: "He called me stupid! I'm not stupid!" Bravo. Indeed he is not stupid. If we work with our kids so that they know what they will not be so easily hurt by the untrue.
The other is to work with what is true. Sorry, but some people are whatever name you want to use. Changing the word from "retarded" to "developmentally disbled" doesn't change what is. But, while labels do describe people, they don't completely describe people. If we are to like ourselves, we have to like all of ourselves, because that's how people are: Complete. I'm LD, I'm also a father, a liberal, an atheist, and so on. I like me. But I couldn't really like me until I accepted that I am and always will be, disabled. So, that should be our task. Indeed, sometimes, a label can be empowering, because once you know what IS wrong you also know what is NOT wrong. I am learning disabled. Not stupid.
Some people have compared the word "retard" to words like "nigger" or "faggot". But there is a key difference: Someone who is 'retarded' (or learning disabled, or developmentally delayed, or whatever) does have some problem. Being LD (or retarded, or whatever) imposes burdens on a person; it makes some things hard or impossible to do, that others can do easily. I've seen people who had various levels of developmental disability; people with severe and profound disabilities are extremely limited in what they can do. One girl I knew who was in this category could not speak, read or write. She seemed to understand her name. She could focus her eyes. She could turn her head. She couldn't feed herself. Those limits weren't imposed by society, they were imposed by ... well, God, evolution, genes, hypoxia at birth - I dunno, but they were part of her.
Being Black or gay is not like this, unless society does it. There's nothing wrong with gays or Blacks, as groups. There is something wrong with those of us who are disabled.
Words like "nigger" are offensive because they attempt to make it appear bad to be Black, when this is simply nonsense. But it is bad to be LD, or retarded. It's not the end of life; it doesn't mean our lives can't be good (I like my life, mostly) but it does mean something is wrong. Just like being blind, or deaf, or nearsighted, or hard-of-hearing, or missing a sense of smell means something is wrong.
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I'll close with a story.
When my mother was starting a school for me, she needed to raise money. So, she got together with other women who had kids like me. One woman said she didn't want her son to go to a school like that because he wouldn't be considered "normal". At this point, Mrs. Napier White, a very proper Victorian lady, in gloves and lace up boots (and this was 1965) turns to this woman and says
I don't like 'normal' people. I never have.