(9 PM on Friday night before the Rally to Restore Sanity)
I was tired but decided to wait up for a call from a dear family friend who was going to be in town for the Rally to Restore Sanity.
The phone rang.
It was my brother.
Boy, was he excited...
( Phone rings and caller-ID lights up with my brother's name)
"What's up?"
"Ok. Listen. I'm in the airport and two girls just walked by wearing signs for the rally."
"Where are you?"
"Albuquerque."
"Wow. That's cool. I didn't expect people would travel very far for it."
"Me neither, but that's not why I'm calling. I'm calling about their signs."
"What do the signs say?"
"They are wearing small laminated cards of the online image Stewart and Colbert are using to promote the rally. You know, the one that looks like it was done by Shepard Fairey. They're really cool. They look like back stage passes. I asked them where they got them and they said they made them."
"That's nice."
"You don't get it. They printed their own copies of the online handbill. Then they laminated them and punched a hole through them so they could attach a lanyard. They look very professional."
"You been drinking?"
"That's beside the point. Listen, they did it with nothing. You could do it, too."
"Why do I want a fake back stage pass?"
"To sell! Here's what you do. Go online get the image. Go to Kinko's and print up 2,000 copies. Laminate it and punch a hole in it. Put some string through it and sell it for 5 bucks a pop. You'll make $10,000!"
"It's a good thing we're both on AT&T or I'd be paying for this call."
"You know this is a great idea. C'mon be reasonable. What's wrong with it?"
(In spite of my better judgment, I'm using my free hand to scan the web for the image he's talking about.)
"Well, for starters, it's a three color job. The image I found looks like a 4" x 5" with one half Colbert and the other half Stewart."
"Great! You print them two-up."
"I think it would look better with Colbert on one side and Stewart on the other. But that means you have to print both sides."
(I can't believe he's got me thinking about the logistics already.)
"Screw that, print them single-sided and fold them. It's cheaper."
"They'd still charge to score them."
"So how much would that cost?"
( He knows I'm already checking the prices, damn him.)
"Let's see... about 50 cents a pop for the printing. 10 cents a pop for the lanyards and another 5 cents a pop for badge holders."
"You don't need badge holders, I told you they punched holes in the laminated paper."
"I don't know what they would charge to laminate and cut, but it wouldn't be cheap."
"You gotta laminate them. It looks better."
"Ok... call it fifteen hundred to two thousand bucks."
"See? I told you, you'd make a killing."
"I'm not putting up the money for this."
"I'll pay for it."
"Forget it, man. I'd be up all night doing this."
"Aw c'mon. What else were you going to do tonight?"
"I dunno, sleep? We have friends coming in for the rally tomorrow. I want to get down there early. It's going to be packed."
"See! Think of the profit you'll make!"
"I gotta go."
"C'mon, be reasonable! Think about it."
"I am being reasonable, I'm not going to stay up all night, then spend the day wandering around the mall hawking shit you could make yourself for a fraction of the cost. Besides, who's going to pay five bucks for this?"
"What's a chocolate chip cookie at Starbucks cost?"
"I dunno. Too much. That's why I don't buy them."
"Try $2.50."
"I told you it was too much. Besides, that's an impulse buy when you already have your money out. Who is going to pull out their wallet and pay $5 for nothing?"
"I already thought of that. Here's what you do. After you print them out, you put a couple up on eBay for $20 and I'll bid on them. Then you make a sign that says 'As seen on eBay.' People will check eBay with their phones, see it going for $20 bucks and $5 will be a steal!"
"Oh, so now I have to post stuff on eBay. Then I have to make a sign to sell my sign? This is starting to sound a lot like work."
"You want my wife to help you? I'll call her and put her to work on this right now. It will be amazing."
"You make that phone call it will be amazing you don't find yourself sleeping on the couch until Christmas."
"This is what's wrong with America. Nobody wants to work. If you were Mexican, you wouldn't even be on the phone anymore. You'd be driving to Kinko's!"
"Look, there's a call I've been waiting for on the other line. How about I call your wife when I'm done?"
"Great! What are you going to tell her?"
"I'm going to tell your wife you just called me from an airport in Albuquerque and said you wished she was Mexican."