I mean, yeah, we all knew this already, but Jon Stewart just does such a good job of showing Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) to be the disgusting, racist, misogynistic, heartless asshole he really is.
Now normally, when Coburn cockblocks legislation, he doesn't care who knows about it. In fact right now, Senator Coburn has public holds on endangered animal protection legislation, food safety legislation, paying court-ordered settlements to African-American farmers, and allowing a private group to build a National Women's Museum, because Coburn felt women's issues were already covered by institutions like the Quilters Hall of Fame, a Cowgirl Museum, and the Hulda Klager Lilac Gardens.
Video and transcript below the fold.
Nine months ago, Haiti was struck by a massive earthquake. America quickly promised Haiti three things: $1.15 billion in aid, Sean Penn and Wyclef Jean. Well good news! Two of those three came through, because apparently only one of those options can die in the Senate.
BLOOMBERG NEWS (9/29/2010): Haiti is still waiting on $1 billion in aid from the U.S. almost nine months after the earthquake. The money pledged for rebuilding is still tied up in Washington.
AMY GOODMAN (9/29/2010): The measure to direct how the money is spent was held up after it was anonymously tabled for further review.
Anonymously tabled, also known in Senate terms as a secret hold, a process by which any one Senator can derail any piece of legislation anonymously because our system is stupid. You're probably wondering, well, who is this powerful, rich, well-fed, most likely indoor-shitting, clearly modest person? Is it perhaps, Batman?
To unmask, we go to our Washington Bureau Chief. Amy?
AMY GOODMAN: Republican Senator Tom Coburn has been identified as the lawmaker responsible for holding up over $900 million in Congressionally approved aid for Haiti.
Ah, so Tom Coburn, Senator, Oklahoma, is our international asshole of mystery.
I want to stop Haiti from getting... one billion dollars!!!
(starts picking at teeth) Ate strawberries in the green room.
Now normally, when Coburn cockblocks legislation, he doesn't care who knows about it. In fact right now, Senator Coburn has public holds on endangered animal protection legislation, food safety legislation, paying court-ordered settlements to African-American farmers, and allowing a private group to build a National Women's Museum, because Coburn felt women's issues were already covered by institutions like the Quilters Hall of Fame, a Cowgirl Museum, and the Hulda Klager Lilac Gardens.
"Eh, whaddaya gonna do, what more do these chicks want? We gave 'em a fucking lilac garden, know what I mean? Now they want a whole goddamn museum? How does that fucking muawawawa." That was my Oklahoma accent. Never been there.
For Senator Coburn to place a secret hold on this life-saving aid, he must have a really good reason.
AMY GOODMAN: Senator Coburn, a doctor, pulled the measure over concerns about a $5 million provision that he says could waste taxpayer dollars.
Oh! He was scared that the billion dollars in aid would have about 5 million dollars wasted in possible bureaucratic redundancy, amounting to one half of one percent of the aid amount. Well, OK.
So for any Haitian who right now lives on top of a pile of rubble washing their clothes in their own urine bucket while Sean Penn gives your kids cigarettes while regaling you with Fast Times at Ridgemont High anecdotes, hang in there! Cuz we need to sort this out so you won't have to fill out duplicate forms. You're welcome.
Jon also suggested we do a swap with Europe: they get our teabaggers, and we get the mobs who are protesting their new austerity measures. That'd be kinda fun to see how the teabaggers would REALLY handle real austerity. Methinks they'd be some of the first ones to start begging for some good ol' government handouts.
And Jon and Stephen both noted that Obama mentioned Jon's Rally to Restore Sanity at a recent event with kids, though he messed up the name pretty badly.