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I know this is the 337th diary offering up the definitive explanation of why we got our asses handed to us last night, but after reading all 337 diaries on the subject, including any number of "I-told-ya-so" pieces that have hit the rec list ("Oh, if only you had listened to me!"), I have noted that none of the aforementioned diaries really hit the proverbial "nail on the head" in terms of why we had our asses handed to us last night.

Shocking, I know, that so many supposedly enlightened politicos could have missed something so glaringly, blatantly obvious. But it's true.

Read on for what so many of you idiots jackasses asshats "experts" missed...

The reason we got our asses handed to us last night is simple -- and it's been sitting there, right in front of you the whole time.

The reason we got our asses handed to us is:

LIBERALS DO NOT KEEP THEIR ASSES ATTACHED TO THEMSELVES AS SECURELY AS THEY SHOULD!

So, yes, if your ass is currently unattached and sitting right there in front of you either on your desk, the floor or over on the sofa, then you know why we had our asses handed to us!

And if you diaried on this subject today and offered up some weak-tea bullshit like, "We lost because of the bad economy," or "We lost because Obama didn't fight," or "We lost because Karl Rove and his evil minions on the Supreme Court allowed big money to drown our candidates," all while your ass was sitting right there on the kitchen counter next to the coffee maker then I have to wonder just how clueless you are!

Let me make this clear:

If we want to win moving forward, we must be serious about attaching our asses more securely before election nights!

And I'm not talking duct tape and Elmer's like most la-de-da, "live-and-let-live" liberals use to keep their asses attached.

I'm talking bolts, nuts, six-inch cement screws and metal plates. GET SERIOUS PEOPLE! ATTACH YOUR ASSES!

Until we liberals treat ass attachment the same way the Tea Bagging rightists do, we're doomed to suffer ignominious, crushing defeats like we did last night.

My ass is locked, loaded and ready to roll!

I hope yours is, too!

Originally posted to Bob Johnson on Wed Nov 03, 2010 at 02:34 PM PDT.

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