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I was sitting at a stoplight today, waiting for Big Gubmint to give me permission to drive across the intersection, when it occurred to me that traffic would be better managed if it were left up to individual initiative and the free market.  Why do Socialists have the power to tell me not to drive into a busy intersection whenever I feel like it?  Why do I have to yield to pedestrians who are too lazy to work hard enough to afford a car? Who are they to say I'm not allowed to drive on the sidewalk? My tax money paid for that sidewalk, pal!  Shouldn't all the lazy people using it on my dime get out of my way if I feel like driving on it?

So I began thinking, wouldn't it be great if there were no stoplights, stop signs, yield signs, or other Big Gubmint limitations on my liberty as a self-motivated driver? People would naturally self-organize at intersections, and carefully pursue rational self-interest. Anyone who failed to do so would be removed from the roads by natural selection, and any others they killed in the process...well...they just weren't fast enough to get out of the way, so it's just that many fewer people to worry about. Hey, more road for me!

Now what, you may ask, are we to do about the crashes that do happen? Wouldn't they obstruct traffic? Well, I have the solution to that too - eliminate lane lines, center-dividers, and curbs so that drivers can drive anywhere they please, be it on grass, on sidewalks, or weaving suicidally through opposing traffic. If a hard-working, tax-paying free-market Ubermensch wants to use the right-hand sidewalk as a left-turn lane, that's between him and the half-dozen cars and pedestrians he's on a collision course with, not the Gubmint. If I decide that an intersection is a parking lot, just move around me instead of crying to the Nanny State to come steal my property by towing it away. Maybe I feel like driving on the "wrong" side of the street; maybe I feel like driving through a wilderness preserve and catching me some endangered species dinner. Isn't that my natural right as an American?

Come to think of it, there are a lot of Big Gubmint impositions on free traffic flow that we can do without. For instance, speed limits and "street legal" requirements. If I want to drive at 200 mph with spinning blade weapons extruding from my hubcaps, shouldn't I be free to do it? I mean, it's not like I'd be forcing anyone to put themselves in the path of my gore-covered Death-mobile - they'd be perfectly free to spot me with binoculars in time to get out of the way. Thus the true Libertarian meaning of freedom is asserted: My freedom to put your life in danger for my own amusement, and your freedom to get out of my way before I can kill you.

Come to think of it, let's also get rid of lampposts - all that free light being provided at taxpayer expense reeks of Socialism. But then, if we let cars drive wherever they want, we can take care of the lamppost problem without spending a single additional dime of taxpayer money, so it all works itself out: The lampposts get knocked out free of charge to the taxpayer, and the world is rid of genetically inferior drivers. The beauty and elegance of the free market are astounding, are they not?

Working prototype of an intersection managed on Small Government principles:

Prototype Libertarian Traffic Management System

Note: I wrote this on another forum before posting it here.

Originally posted to Troubadour on Fri Nov 05, 2010 at 12:11 AM PDT.


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