Some of us are intricately familiar with the phenomena known as bullying. Unfortunately for those people, most of them probably experienced it in school. We know all of the emotional consequences related to bullying: rejection, alienation, emotional disconnectedness, depression, and lowered self esteem. But it cuts down to a deeper, more base level for those few who have truly experienced bullying. When I think back to those memories, the tears well up almost immediately. It is still hard to talk about in real life. I still have nightmares about some of the experiences I faced all throughout my education. And I am not alone.
The link between social rejection, homophobia, bullying, and the increased rate of LGBT teen suicide is worth exploring deeper. To prevent the cycle of violence and hate we must arm ourselves with the knowledge of the effects this vicious form of bullying and alienation have on the human psyche, especially during puberty, an already emotionally stressful and draining time in ones life.
Bullying, when combined with homophobia, is a killer cocktail of negative thoughts and aggressive actions. These are not one time occurrences, either. These experiences are accumulated throughout ones life, stacking on each other, and becoming a horrible monster that resides within ones psyche. I know this feeling intimately, as I too have battled the monster with in me as well. This amorphous blob of negative emotional energy sucks at your soul, with all the power of an industrial vacuum, until eventually, you see no other way out besides taking your own life.
I would like to introduce you all to one of the victims of homophobic bullying. This young man had everything going for him, he was a brilliant violinist, an accomplished student, and recent graduate of Ridgewood High School in Ridgewood New Jersey. This young man had was also openly gay. One day he and another man were having an intimate encounter in the privacy of his dorm room. Without this young man's knowledge, his roommate was filming, and streaming the entire encounter on the internet. Hours after the student found out about this horrid invasion of his privacy, he jumped to his own death of off the George Washington Bridge. This young man's name is Tyler Clementi.
Homophobia, Social Rejection and Suicide: A Vicious Cycle
Tyler Clementi's story is not an uncommon one. In fact, Suicide among LGBTQ youth is significantly higher than that of their heterosexual peers. Why is it that the suicide rates among our LGBTQ youth is so much higher than that of heterosexual youth? The link between homophobia, social rejection and bullying may have much to do with why these kids are killing themselves at such alarming rates.
Establishing and maintaining social connections in our youth is key to our psychological development. Feeling connected and accepted by our peers is a necessary element of the human experience. It can lead to feelings of joy, confidence and elation. The need for affiliation, to connect with another human being on a base level, is present through out our lives. It is through this that we learn aspects of our own personality, and grow as individuals.
Abraham Maslow theorized that our motivations come from much more than the physiological needs (sex, food, water, etc) and safety and security concerns (shelter, security, stability, etc). He posited that human beings have a psychological need for love and belongingness as well. This, in fact, is the third level in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. If this need goes unmet, it can lead to feelings of rejection. Like feelings social connection with ones peers and family, rejection can also have some powerful effects on the psyche as well.
Feelings of rejection can be particularly dangerous for our emotional state. Not only does it lead to a general sense of alienation if the feeling is prolonged across a few months, but it also leads to increased incidence of depression as well. Social rejection by our peers, especially for an aspect of ones personality or sexual identity that they cannot change, leads generally to a feeling of disconnectedness. That can be a very powerful emotion to deal with for a young person who is just experiencing the world for the first time.
Homophobia and the feeling of social rejection go hand in hand. A persons sexual identity is a key aspect to who that person is as an individual, and if a person feels as if their peers reject that aspect of their personality, they are rejecting them as a human being. Homophobia, in other words, is causing the feeling of social disconnectedness amongst LGBTQ youth, thus alienating them further from their peers, and increasing those feelings of depression and despair.
Direct homophobia (person to person), institutionalized homophobia (legalized homophobia like DADT), internalized homophobia (homophobia learned in the home, and taken as an aspect of self), and our heterocentric society (homophobia accepted in society) all play a role in this dangerous and vicious cycle. We have discussed direct homophobia, but what role do the others play here? Well, as I have said before, homophobic laws like DADT create an environment where it is acceptable for regular people to hate gays and lesbians. It is intentionally divisive, and thus creates the feeling of rejection amongst the GLBT community. A GLBT youth looks at policies like these, and automatically they devalue themselves as a second class citizen. Internalized Homophobia plays a role as well. Generally, this is taught in the home, and reinforced by the family. Statements like "I will disown you if you ever turn gay" can really have a negative effect on a child's emotional state. Lastly, our heterocentric society plays a large role as well. Most people hear the word "faggot" and think nothing of it, but to the LGBT community this word has a devaluing effect. The fact that this word can be said in polite society with out nary a bat of the eye really has negative consequences for youth who have identified themselves LGBT.
Homophobia can also be a gateway to bullying. Bullying is a form of abuse in which the bully tries to create an "imbalance of power", where the target of the bullying has no control over the situation, and the bully becomes more powerful. Bullying can take many forms -- emotional, physical, verbal, and viral. Bullying can be done in groups, or one on one directly. Bullying is a logical extension of homophobia, in which repeated emotional or physical harassment devalues an individual much to the elation of the bully. Bullying can reinforce internalized homophobia, thus lowering the individuals self esteem even further. One of the newest forms of bullying, viral bullying, is much like what we saw in the case of Tyler Clementi where the bully uses the internet and social networking websites to humiliate and defame the target. All of these can have an exponential effect on an already fragile emotional state.
All of this leads back to the idea of suicide. When combined, these negative and hostile emotions, and the body's natural processes (such as puberty) can lead to very deep and real thoughts of suicide. Some people simply carry on, for others, it is too much. Alienated from a world that rejected them, the youth takes their life and everyone asks why, and the whole vicious process repeats itself.
Homophobia, social rejection, bullying, and suicide are most certainly linked. The question is, who will finally stand up and break the cycle.
The Big Picture
The big picture, of course, are the loved ones that are lost to this phenomena, and the families who are left to pick up the pieces. Tyler Clementi's family will never get their son back, and so many other families will never see their loved ones again. That is the ugly consequence of a society that allows homophobia and bullying to continue unabated. The loss of life will continue as long as we as a society continue to accept homophobia not only in political discourse, but in polite conversation as well.
Homophobia and bigotry must become insults in our society. They must become attacks against ones honor and integrity. Those words can carry a lot of weight when used in the right context. We must stand up, and collectively reject homophobia in all of its forms. We must address bullying in our schools, and develop better plans for children to come talk to educators and counselors about bullying and harassment. The establishment of open lines of communication between students and faculty, and between faculty and parents is key in the war against bullying in our schools.
Another key to success, I think, is to start the conversation about tolerance and acceptance early. If counter acted early enough, internalized and externalized bigotry can be stamped out of our schools. If the ideals of diversity are taught early enough in ones life, it will carry on throughout that individuals life forever. Recently, in my psychology class, we watched a powerful PBS special called "Frontline: A Class Divided". A teacher in the early seventies taught her class a lesson in acceptance and racial tolerance by dividing the class up between "brown eyes" and "blue eyes" and essentially created a second class. One day, the brown eyes had the special privileges, and the blue eyes accosted and singled out, the other vice versa. I think that if we did something like that, with every 3rd grade class in the country, and specifically made a point about sexual orientation, perhaps some of the homophobia would go away.
I think that there are changes in our everyday lives we can make as well, to make the environment generally more friendly towards our LGBT allies, and especially our LGBT youth. One thing that you can do is squash the homophobia whenever you hear it. If you hear someone say "faggot" or "fag", correct them. Inform them. Accost them. Make sure they understand their words have power. If more people stand up and declare themselves allies to all GLBT people, perhaps the society would slowly start to change, and our heterocentrism would become a thing of the past. Another thing you can do is make sure your children have a safe way to talk to you about important issues in their lives, especially if they are LGBT. If they complain about bullying, BE SERIOUS ABOUT IT. Be there for them. Make sure they feel loved and accepted unconditionally. Maybe spend some time with your kids, go on a camping trip, get away from it all. Anything to lower the stress, ya know?
We must stop the bleeding, right here, right now. Talented youths like Tyler Clementi are already gone, but if we act now, we may be able to save the next young victim of homophobic bullying. Through our actions, we can make this world a little more livable for someone who may be in pain. We can change the world, for the better, if we just work at it. Piece by piece. Brick by brick. Wall by wall. Street by street. City by city. State by state, we will destroy bigotry, and ensure that our youths have a safe place to grow up.
Thanks for listening everyone.