For Renee: Ryan wanted to say something to you and he's afraid that you didnt see his comment below. so he asked me to put it up here. see below for the comment
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I had a very interesting experience with my ninth grade son, who was talking about something and said the "that's so gay" line. I sat him down and talked to him about homophobic hurtful comments. he looked at me like i was nuts. I now recount the conversation:
A message for renee from ryan
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This is Ryan. I've been reading a lot of these postings and talking them over with my dad. Yours really made my heart ache. I don't know why yours more than others, but it did. I just want to apologize. I didn't understand. I just never saw the word as meaning what people think it means. None of us did. That doesn't matter, though, because it did hurt, and it seems like this whole discussion hurt you in particular.
There was something I wanted to say to you, other than I'm sorry. It's something someone said to me when I was going through a very bad time health wise. Something about your post made me want to repeat it to you.
Whatever the challenges, whatever the threats, there is always a community of friends that love you and will carry you across the canyons. We all have the right to be happy and we can get there, if we see the love that surrounds us.
I do not know you. Do know, however, that I care for you. Please don't let my foolishness dim the power of that sentiment.
Sincerely,
Ryan
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Ryan: Dad, that has nothing to do with gay people. Mike is gay! (a neighbor he likes.) I don't care if someone's gay.
Me: Then why do you say it?
Ryan: Because it's not about homosexuals. I say, "that's so lame" but I'm not talking about someone walking with a cane.
Me; But that is offensive too.
Ryan: Dad, words evolve, they mean different things at different times. If I say something is uncool, I'm not saying it's warm. But would that be true 100 years ago?
me: But...
Ryan: And what about faggot? It used to me something like a bundle of sticks. People said it all the time. Now it means something horrible, so only jerks say it. But that is starting to change too (he makes long reference to some South Park episode.)
Me: I understand all of that. I understand what you are saying because it is about your intent. But it still should be hurtful.
Ryan: Well, maybe. But the meaning of the word has changed, so people aren't going to stop saying it. Some people may mean "gay" as in "gay people. But there's one thing you don't get.....
(this part i loved....)
Ryan: it's YOUR generation who worried about whether somebody is gay or not. My generation just doesn't care. I don't even understand why anyone SHOULD care.
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So I put that out there. I'm not sure what to think and would like to hear people's thoughts.