"You know, I don't care if you're gay, just don't flaunt it in my face"
I am sure many here are familiar with this wretched phrase. I am sure many people here have had this phrase employed against them. "Just don't flaunt it in my face". What a statement. There is so much said in this one little phrase. Mostly, though, this phrase demonstrates just how good people can consent to bigotry. By either saying this phrase, or allowing it to go unchallenged, people indeed lend their consent, and even sometimes support to an environment that is hostile to gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transmen and women.
But why do good people sometimes react so viscerally to a GLBT person? Why don't people speak up when this phrase is casually tossed out there as if it were the most brilliant political analysis ever uttered in the history of humanity? Why is it acceptable in polite society to not only hold such opinions, but flaunt them in public?
Bigotry as Political Ideology
"Its just my opinion, and I have every right to it"
I was in a politics class once, and we we're discussing what the instructor called "gay marriage" (I just call it equality). I was sitting in class as the professor took roll and asked his question "Do you feel that gays and lesbians have the right to marry, just like straight people". I was at the top of the role, of course, my name being Adam Brown, and I gave my opinion. I told him that I thought it was asinine that we extend rights to straight folks that we don't, at the same time, extend to GLBT folks. I said that I didn't think it was fair that my GLBT friends couldn't enjoy the same benefits the government extends to straight folks.
Thats when he interrupted. The self-described "anarchocapitalist" and right wing hack that had become my adversary that term in political science. It was evident as soon as the term started that we would not see eye to eye on social and economic issues, but I never anticipated this much hate to come out of this guy. It was out of control.
The first thing out of his mouth was "I don't care if you're gay, just don't flaunt it in my face"
I knew I was about to get very, very angry. So, I braced myself for the eventual onslaught of bigotry that spewed forth from this person's gullet.
"I am so sick of these people flaunting their sexuality wherever they go. I don't flaunt my straightness in everyones face. I don't demand special protections and rights. I don't demand that we bend the meaning of words to fit their preferred perversion. I don't care what you do in your bedroom, but keep it there"
At this point, my face, neck, and ears turned beat red. I could feel the blood rushing to my skull. I knew that I had just come across a bigot of the first order.
So, sort of under my breath, I say "bigot"
He raised his eyebrow at me, his narcissistic attitude hitting me like a ton of bricks. This guy was real nasty.
"What did you just call me?"
"You are a bigot." I said, sure of myself. Its all I could do. I knew this was coming for a while.
"Oh really. Isn't that just like liberals, to ATTACK ME for MY political ideology" he said, with an indignant tone. Clearly this guy drank enough right wing kool-aid to fill an olympic size swimming pool.
"Look, you are a bigot, and your opinions are an extension of your homophobia. You are prejudiced, you generalize. You're opinions are hurtful. Your opinions are hatred masquerading as intelligent political discourse." I said in a sour tone.
At this point, the instructor stepped in and told us to knock it off. He saw that he had hit a nerve and didn't want to exacerbate the situation. I cooled down a bit after leaving class and having a smoke with my buddy Phil. He talked me down from the situation, telling me that his bigoted ass wasn't worth it. He told me that everyone saw right through his act, and now the class knew what he truly was: a tiny, hateful person. There was some wisdom in those words, but the "anarchocapitalist" just wouldn't let it go.
After class, he walked up to me and said "You think I am a bigot."
"Yes, and I think that drives you crazy, because you know its the truth. Good day" I said.
He grabbed my shoulder and whirled me around. "I am NOT a bigot, if anything YOU are the bigot. How dare you not accept me as who I am"
I laughed at him, and he grabbed me by the collar and looked as if he was going to punch me. His fist cocked back, and I braced for my beating.
And then, my friend Phil and three other guys stepped in and threw Mr. Anarchocapitalist to the ground, and he got up and dusted himself and walked away.
After that episode, I desperately needed another smoke. So, me, Phil, and the three other guys all lit up and talked for a little bit.
One of the guys looked extremely sad and I asked him what was the matter.
He simply said "As a gay man, this is what I have to face every single day."
And all I could say was "I am sorry"
I was at a loss for words.
This guy, for all intents and purposes, was not a good person. He barely had a shred of humanity in his body. Not only was this guy an "anarchocapitalist" (basically an extreme voodoo economics koolaid drinker), but he published a weekly newsletter telling us of the coming race war against the "muslims".
The fact that this man could even say this without more people jumping in, INCLUDING the instructor, is just another example of how good people consent to bigotry. They think because the bigot says "oh its my political beliefs and if you challenge me on them then you are the bigot" they are supposed to remain silent when this person goes on a tear about giving people special rights. Well, guess what: bigotry is not an ideology. Homophobia is not just a "fear". And everyone should speak up when they hear it.
I wonder sometimes: If I hadn't been there and spoken up that day, would anyone have challenged that guy on his beliefs, or would his words simply had sunk into the conversational miasma, lost on all but the GLBT folks in the class?