In a hairpin u-turn that defied human possibilities, President Obama proved this week that he is a messiah by creating an alternate universe. In one swift move, he silenced liberals, convinced the rest of his supporters to become the death panel that he and they had once vehemently denied existed, turned day into night and hope into despair, put a smile on Mitch McConnell’s botoxed face, and guaranteed solvency for eons of Waltons, Limbaughs, Becks, Cheneys, Bushes, and Hiltons. All he had to sacrifice were the disabled, the elderly, the poor, the middle class, the 99ers, his campaign promises, and what little was left of America.
To prove his bi-partisan generosity, compassion for all, and that he truly can do anything, he cleared up ugly rumors that had been circulating about Jan Brewer and turned one of Sarah Palin’s biggest lies into a truth. American People stepped forward to assist by vowing they will gladly trade their futures for the privileges of: 1) sitting on death panels that not only make transplants financially impossible in Arizona but in all states, 2) determining that a brief respite for some of the unemployed is more important than providing long-term employment, and 3) playing God long enough to decide who deserves to survive and who doesn’t.
President Obama reached out to Republicans and Tea Party masses by employing the buzzword and double-speak tactics they so embrace. The word framework alone should keep them in a nearly orgasmic state until all of their jobs have crossed the border and their last dollars are safely in the pockets of the top 2%, as well as provide them the talking point they need to troll every site on the internet. Sheer genius on his part!
The details of the framework have not been released. Until I see it with my own eyes, I refuse to believe that in place of "So your benefit will remain the same in 2010," the Social Security Administration’s update notice this year will read, "Rush, Glenn, Mitch, and Sarah appreciate your donations for 2011 and will consider it a true act of patriotism if you cease to exist."