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From THE GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Good morning! Today's edition of "Cheers and Jeers" promises to be a sight better than yesterday's thin entry. And a better poll, too. My apologies for not taking into account those of you who don't agree with Ralph Nader OR his policies yesterday. But the point was made---94% have no intention of voting for him. Wait a minute...that means 6% will? Oh, brother, here we go again. At least today's poll is a little more cut and dried.
Tomorrow: A major C&J announcement that will bring back unresolved childhood separation anxiety issues...
Today's Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Copy section...rightnow!
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, February 24, 2004
CHEERS to Howard Dean. Democrats breathe sigh of relief as the Governor tactfully but firmly rebukes Nader announcement, urges supporters to continue riding the donkey. For that, my check to help retire Dean campaign debt is in the mail.
JEERS to bad jokes. Education Secretary Rod Paige brands NEA "a terrorist organization." Tom Ridge suffers chest pains over thought of airlifting 2.7 million people to Guantanamo.
JEERS to government shell games. Elements of cancelled Total Information Awareness program live on elsewhere in bowels of Intel world, says Federation of American Scientists. Time to re-check your heating vents for spycams? http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=533&e=2&u=/ap/20040223/ap_on_go_co/terro
r_privacy
JEERS to divine ignorance. Head of Springfield (Mass.) Diocese says sex with boys was thought to be "OK to do" from the `50s through the `80s. No punchline here---just the sorry, sorry details: http://abcnews.go.com/wire/US/ap20040223_825.html
CHEERS to Andy Rooney. Knocks Pat Robertson & Gibson down a peg or two, as only he can: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/02/19/60minutes/rooney/main601254.shtml
JEERS to screwy MPAA rating system. Ebert: "If it had been anyone other than Jesus up on that cross, I have a feeling that NC-17 would have been automatic." Even Nader?
CHEERS to Mardi Gras. The one day of the year you have total permission to get stone drunk at lunchtime, then come back and strip in front of the board of directors. Trust me...as long as you toss some beads their way, you're covered.
JEERS to Tom "Lay Down" Daschle. Rapid City Journal reports Daschle "praised Bush administration's war and nation-building work in Iraq and said he has no serious concerns about the lack of weapons of mass destruction." Get this guy to the Dean Clinic for the Treatment of Infectious Bush Lite Diseases. Stat!
CHEERS to public dissent. NY Times says up to a million people expected to protest the GOP convention at Madison Square Garden in late August. Karl Rove's `free speech zone': New Jersey.
JEERS to Pentagon waste. Comanche helicopter development is cancelled. Price tag thus far: $8 billion. Plus $2 billion cancellation fee. I love it when they throw my tax dollars out the window in nice even numbers.
CHEERS to shotgun sales. Secret Pentagon report predicts riots and other assorted signs of Armageddon in next 20 years due to climate change. All together: "Step one foot on mah propitty and I'm a-gonna BLAST you."
CHEERS to Oscar Fever. Latest bets from http://www.goldderby.com/index.asp : "Return of the King," Jackson, Theron, Penn, Zellweger, Robbins. Who cares? I'm only watching for Billy Crystal.
CHEERS to nature's alarm clock. Have you noticed? Sun's coming up earlier...goin' down later. And the daffodils are starting to get restless. But it's still a tad early to run barefoot through the meadow in Maine.
CHEERS to Monty Python redux. Word from John Cleese that "Holy Grail" is Broadway-bound, with new songs by Eric Idle. All those in favor say "Nee!"
What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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