Meta-wars. Cranky diaries. Beta testing. Acrimony. Bad news out the ying-yang. Lost of that sort of going on in these parts lately.
I figured I would post an almost completely irrelevant, feel-good story with (as far as I can tell) no down-sides or political implications whatsoever.
So follow me past the break and perhaps you'll have a smile.
I tend to post diaries here on World AIDS Day. It's what I started with and it's a tradition I've kept up every year since my first on Daily Kos.
Anyway, last year I posted this diary, in which I mentioned some people from my distant past who died early on in the epidemic. If I remember correctly (and I don't want to go back to look again so we'll just assume I'm correct), that particular diary, unlike this year's, didn't get much notice.
Last Thursday night I received an email from someone. I didn't recognize his name but the subject line of the email was the name of one of the people I'd memorialized. The writer had been his partner from the late 1970's until 1984, when that person had passed away. He basically had messaged me simply to thank me for what I had written. And to correct one piece of information. We began exchanging emails. We wondered if we had ever met in person. Most likely we had but it was a really, really long time ago. I noted with amusement that he now lives in the town where my sister had been born; when I discovered this I mentioned some local nearby landmarks, one of which (the first diner I ever ate in when I was maybe four years old) is still in existence and is a regular haunt of his. The area is now what would be considered a suburb of Baltimore. When I was little, and when my sister was born, I-95 hadn't yet been built; it was essentially out in the sticks and a good ninety minute drive to the big city.
I then started to quiz him on people from the past. When I first came out of the closet, back when dirt was new, my one-and-only girlfriend had introduced me to a gay friend of hers (I think in part to get me out of her hair and also in part because she's just nice that way). The fellow introduced me to any number of other people, including his roommate, who later become an early victim of the AIDS epidemic. Another of the people introduced me to during my weekend visit from New York to Baltimore, shortly after became my first serious boyfriend. We were involved for about six months, after which we broke up quite amicably. We stayed friends; in the interim I moved from New York to DC, so we actually saw more of each other than we had when we were dating. Relationships came and went for both of us. Not long before I left DC for San Francisco I took the train up from DC to Baltimore to help him and his partner celebrate their second anniversary.
Then I moved west. Without being overly specific, there was a fair amount of turmoil in my life during my first year or two in San Francisco. As a result I lost touch with a great many folks who'd been part of my life for longer or shorter periods of time, including the aforementioned girlfriend and the aforementioned boyfriend.
I was able to reconnect with the ex-girlfriend in 2000; she teaches at a major university and once I gained internet access (I was relatively late to the party) I didn't have that much difficulty finding her. We've been in reasonably consistent touch since then. The former boyfriend was a different story. I did internet searches for him over the years. About five years ago I found a mailing address for him and the partner he'd been with back in 1986. Assuming the address was reasonably current, I wrote and sent him a letter. Nothing happened. I figured he had either forgotten me or had written me off as a not-very-good friend; at that point I wasn't could have blamed him if the latter was his judgement.
I joined Facebook (after considerable prodding). Once again I attempted to find the ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately he has a fairly unexotic name. I got plenty of hits but the single one that seemed worth following up on turned out to be someone quite different (and considerably younger). So I put it aside once more.
We now return to the message I received last week. Both my ex-boyfriend and the fellow I'd memorialized had been quite active in Baltimore's gay community, and had both been seriously involved in the founding of that city's gay community center. So, since I now had a link to that particular circle of people, I asked the fellow who'd messaged me if was in touch with any of those folks any more. He really wasn't, with one or two exceptions. And...whaddya think? One of those people was my ex! Turns out I kept pursuing blind alleys in finding him because he had re-located to Boston in the very early 1990's. And frankly even if I had somehow stumbled on a Facebook profile with his picture, it mightn't have mattered. When we first met, I was 26 and he was 19. I'd last seen him shortly after his 27th birthday. He's now in his early 50's.
I sent him a friend request on Facebook. A day or so later I received a message saying he'd accepted the request and I went into his profile. Back when I'd known him we were both, let's say, somewhat messy. In the interim, I'd faced many of my personal issues. Turns out he'd done the same, and although it took him a few years longer to get to that point, from the way things sound, he's accomplished at least much as I have.
One of the great things about our early relationship is that we had corresponded extensively by means of multi-page letters (remember those things?). We began exchanging almost equally wordy emails. He actually is a very good writer, was back then, is so now as well.
Finally we talked on the phone the other night for close to an hour. It was almost as though we'd never lost touch with each other. There was plenty to catch up on for sure but otherwise we might as well have had a conversation last week. He'll be coming to visit Trapper and me next spring. I am truly overjoyed to have him back in my life.
Having lost so many friends over the years, and having reached...um...a certain point in my life (I'll be turning 60 next year), I having been finding it more and more important to be able to resurrect any meaningful connections I can find to my past. Say what you will about Facebook, when it comes to finding old friends, it's a terrific resource. But I'd never have been able to find this particular, very important link with my earlier life had it not been for Daily Kos.
I hope this makes someone here smile.
I'll be offline for about the next ninety minutes or so but I'll check back in as soon as I'm able.