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Welcome to the O'Reilly Factor,
Today's W.R. Grace Hero of the Day is Senator Olympia J. Snowe, who voted against health insurance for 9/11 first responders. She earned special recognition because unlike other Republican objectors, she was a noted moderate. No longer! It takes balls to stand up to the Democrats who selfishly support 9/11 heroes and their families for political gain. My good friend Ann Coulter said the 9/11 widows were intolerable, and Olympia J. Snowe has finally woken up and realized that Ann was right all along. Olympia J. Snowe, welcome to the dark side. You are back on my Christmas list. Anyway, the dust that filled the lungs of first responders looked a lot like snow, so I am sure there is nothing to worry about.

Speaking of snow, look at the east coast, won't you? Looks like Olbermann forgot to use Head and Shoulders on his inflated head. That Nazi with a German sounding name is getting on my nerves. He is probably mad that Sarah Palin shot a beautiful caribou on her reality TV show. The media reported that Sarah left the animal's corpse to decay without using it. Since Thanksgiving has passed, I think I can say without controversy that the native peoples of this land have lost, so get over it. The whites were nice enough to give them blankets for the winter and this is the thanks we get? Palin is just refusing to use the animal's skin to make blankets for the poor, because that would be socialist. God Bless Her!

Speaking of which, God has spoken, as a federal judge has claimed that Obamacare is unconstitutional. This is great news! The fact is that this happened right after Elizabeth Edward's passing, so we know where God stands on universal health care. I mean, it's not like Jesus healed the sick for free. He threw the money keepers out because they would not give Jesus his share of the profits. True story! I mean, I love helping cancer patients, but with verbal support, not financial. Hopefully my prayers for them will be answered. Anyway, Glen Beck is doing just fine without his meds, so there is nothing to worry about.

I am still waiting for my tax cuts. I earned every penny. Why should I give my hard earned money to fund schools, police departments, fire departments, parks, veterans and other social programs? If all my taxes went to war alone, I would have no problem. I am glad that the GOP is standing up for me and refusing to vote in favor of anything until tax cuts for the top one percent pass. Hey, they want to give citizenship to illegals who get an education or serve in the military. Hey, this is a great idea. If we send the Mexicans off to war, they will be doing a job that fewer and fewer Americans want to do. If you want to cross our border, you have to cross Iraq's, too, ya freeloaders!

Looks like Steeley DAAAMN is running for a second term as GOP chairman. What the hizzle, Ms. Frizzle? The problem here is that he has not raised money for the GOP, as rich wealthy white men are unwilling to give hand outs to a black guy. Also, he spent the money on alcohol and strip clubs.  Steeley DAAAMN is straight Pippen, if you excuse my street slang. At least he is not screaming for Mother F&%$ing Iced Tea while conducting a drive by.

Now I am not against gays unless they are motorcycling lesbian gangs, but now is not the time to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell. I stand with John McCain on principle. Now some argue that McCain flipped flopped on the issue, saying that he would change his mind when the generals and soldiers were okay with gay soldiers. Of course he did not change his mind even in the face of overwhelming evidence. Of course, NASA released a map showing that global warming is happening, so you know how reliable evidence is. I mean, they never found the loofah.

Moving on, I don't think that gays can serve in the military. That great distinction is reserved for patriotic tea baggers! So what if Alexander the Great was gay? He is dead. That shows how great a military strategist he was. Let's not forget that John McCain was tortured for years in a Vietnamese prison. I can only assume that sleeping with a gay person is a lot like what John McCain experienced in that prison. John McCain understands what the gays want to turn our military into; a perverted Vietnamese prison orgy. Remember this when you vote on the bill, Senators.

Last but certainly not least is the War on Christmas. So what if Sarah Palin shot down a reindeer? That is our patriotic duty. Santa Claus is launching an air attack and we need to duck into our freedom bunkers and shoot that jolly old pot smoking elf down to the ground. His belly will shake like a jello mold full of lead. Giving gifts to all children? I think Santa is a socialist who wants to give hand outs to the poor and needy. F&%k Santa Claus. That's right, I said it. Somebody had to. The next time you see this jolly old elf trespassing on your properly, tell him that you don't need his charity, and sick Fido on him. And make sure the cookies are tainted with laxatives. You may have to clean out your chimney and roof after wards, but it will be worth it. So you get on the naughty list, send the pounds of coal you receive to Peabody Energy and get paid for it. Trust me, I make a mint every Christmas.

This has been The O'Reilly Factor. Join me next week when we stuff Bernie Sander's head into the money presses. Then maybe he will learn the brilliance of unregulated capitalism and tax cuts for the rich.

This diary is dedicated to the memory of Elizabeth Edwards. May her dream of providing every American with affordable health care become a reality soon.

Originally posted to TheNextDylan on Thu Dec 16, 2010 at 01:51 PM PST.

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