I was never bullied in school for being gay. That's mostly because I hid it exceptionally well. One thing you need to know about gay people is that we learn to be actors from a very young age. I don't mean this in a sinister way - it's just that when the whole fucking world hates you because of a single attribute you possess, you learn pretty fucking quickly how to hide that attribute. For awhile. And then you can't anymore. It's too much. There's not only the external pressure from everyone else, but the internal guilt.
For me, I couldn't take lying anymore. I never had many friends and anytime I got close to people, I felt horrible for being the "actor" I was. They were nice enough to be open with me, so why couldn't I just do the same? And then the guilt becomes too much and the need for self-expression becomes to great and you just snap and you have to tell someone.
This is all very basic stuff that all - or most - gay kids grow up and deal with. There's fear of rejection by friends, and by your family that you live with. Fear of being kicked out, or violence against you, or dealing with mental and emotional abuse. From the people you see every day. The people who are supposed to love you. And you love them and you want to be honest with them because you feel like they deserve it. And these things tear at you every moment.
And then when you tell someone at school, you get fucking bullied at school? Who could handle that? Who could come out of that without attempting suicide or at the very least having lasting mental or emotional damage? I don't see how it's possible. And the bullying continues, and yet more people who are supposed to be on your side - school officials - look the other way or join in the mental abuse. More people you're supposed to be able to trust. More people you see every day. The bullying never stops. The fear never stops.
I can understand why people like Seth Walsh decided to end it all. And I can understand why in his suicide note he said to ""put my body in burial, and visit my body, and make sure to make the school feel like shit for bringing you this sorrow."
Somebody has to do something. Somebody has to take responsibility for not only a child's well-being, but also the child's very fucking rational and understandable fear that parents and administrators may actually not care too much about the child's well-being if the child is gay, because that's just the way society is. No matter how loving someone's family is, it's impossible to not be afraid at some point that they won't accept you. The same goes with friends. And then, personal experience of gays shows that schools or bosses at work or even government officials tend to either look the other way or make things drastically worse.
This kid was thirteen years old. Can anyone expect him to deal with all of that, and to try to make all these people do the right thing? He was just a child.
Seth's 11 year old brother did an interview on TV to warn kids about bullying. He said, "I want people to remember that bullying isn't okay, because one word can make them have suicidal thoughts."
It doesn't even have to involve schools or bullying. Those of you who are parents should know it involves you, too. At least in my case, and in a lot of other instances with gay teens, who are routinely kicked out of their homes (LGBT homelessness is exceptionally high.)
I mean, what did my mother think, for example, when she asked how I could "do this" to god, or said she couldn't love me the same? What did my stepfather think when he started calling me fag and queer all the time, and suggested for years that I'm not "manly" enough, because he enjoys doing outside-work and I enjoy reading and learning stuff? Do people really not understand how that made me suicidal for three years? Do they not get how parental support is important, or at the very least, some> support somewhere is important? It would seem obvious to me.
Words hurt. And words matter. In fact, experience proves that words hurt the most coming from those who are supposed to love and support you. You don't even need to be gay bashed or beaten to death by a family member, all they have to do really is call you a fag once or twice, and you're just as destroyed and you want to die just as much.
I can't know fully what it's like being bullied at school for being gay, but I'd imagine it's the same concept. If you're at school every day and you can't ever escape someone hurting you or calling you antigay names, in the middle of everything else any other teenager deals with on a daily basis I can see why people would have lasting psychological scars.
Even if it's just a word. One word.
I guess the point of this, of basically everything written about gay rights really, is that the stuff you do or say matters. And it matters just as much if you don't speak up. It would take a massive cultural shift for kids to grow up without that guilt or fear, but just speaking up as much as possible will let those of us who struggle see that not everything is so dark and hopeless. Or as a song I like suggests, not everyone here is that fucked up and cold.
But people don't know that unless you tell them.