OK, as part of an ongoing effort to reduce tensions on the Great Orange Satan, and being too damn busy to go look for something good to diary about, I hereby launch an "Insult Republicans Thread".
Wherein we launch insults of various sorts at Republicans, most especially Republican politicians.
Any Republicans who might wander across this thread, it is meant in fun, as humor. I, myself, do not hate any Republicans. I'm too busy.
Follow me below the fold, and on my signal: unleash hell snark!
And, of course, as Plubius observed:
This diary is good news for John McCain
Rules:
- You have to be funny. Unless you can curse like Steve Martin in "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles", a profane rant against someone is not likely to be teh funny.
- Your target must be a Republican, and preferably a Republican officeholder or talking head. Those insulting Democrats have to explain themselves to The Kossack Police.
2a) A very explicit exception is made for Joe Lieberman, Ben Nelson, and Blanche Lincoln. Please - fire at will.
- You are forbidden from saying "That person claims to be a Democrat, but really is a Republican", except as noted in (2a), above. This explicitly applies to President Obama, Vice President Biden, Rahm Emmanuel, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi. Also, I like Bernie Sanders, so he gets a pass even if he's a Soculust.
For those wondering what the Kossack Police look like, it's this:
If any trolls come in and start trouble, they shall be fed to The Fluffy Antichrist:
And anyone who doesn't like my rules:
I reserve the right to add new jokes culled from the comments at my capricious whim.
Q: How does Sarah Palin change a light bulb?
A: She grasps the burnt out bulb and waits for the world to revolve around her.
Q: Why doesn't Jim Inhofe believe in global warming?
A: Boy, summers just doesn't seem as warm as they were when he was a boy. Before the invention of air conditioning.
Q: How does John Boehner maintain his healthy glow?
A: His tanning salon smears him with by-products from the manufacture of Orange Julius after every session.
Q: Why doesn't Rush Limbaugh retire?
A: He owes his soul to the Clear Channel store.
Q: Why won't Dick Cheney go away and be quiet?
A: He can hear the beating of the tell-tale heart, and it's driving him mad.
OK, your turn.
Updates:
To Republicans of the Boehner, Kyle, Bunning, Beck, Limbaugh, Bachmann ilk:
"Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon."
gchaucer2
How does Rush Limbaugh commit suicide?
He piles up his hate and jumps off.
What's the difference between a pitbull and a hockey mom?
The pitbull gets vetted.
(I have to credit Bob Barr for this one)
Two Republicans are walking down the street and they see a gorgeous girl. The first Republican says, "Wow, I'd sure like to fuck her!" and the second says, "Out of what?"
Front Towards Enemy
Rush Limbaugh is on a new drug called Goldotcyn(tm).It combines all the qualities of fake gold investment with the soothing qualities of narcotics. You feel rich and think you are going to heaven...even as your soul rots.
ems97007
George Bush's dreams from August 2001:
On the first night, the ghost of G. Washington visited him. G. Bush poured out his woes and asked how he could best help the American people. "Be a father to your country," replied our first President.
That didn't seem quite right (didn't Clinton try something like that?). The second night, Thomas Jefferson's ghost wandered in, and again Bush asked for help. "Return America to its agrarian roots with small government."
What does that Democrat know, Bush thought, disregarding his advice. The third night, Abe Lincoln himself visited, and Bush listened. After all, the founder of the Republican party would have the answer! "How can I best help the American people?" he implored the tall ghost.
"Go to the theater," Abe replied.
(okay, so it's old, but trashing Bush never goes completely out of style)
RLMiller
My turn: Republicans are anti-science,anti-evolution, anti-education, flat-earther, birther, screamer, dittohead, teabagger, bigoted, corporatist mouth-breathers.
Cenobyte
Karl Rove talks to Bush every day on the phone:
Monday: No....No...You're not the president anymore....No you can't ride the helly kopter....No they won't film you clearing brush anymore...
Tuesday: No....No...You're not the president anymore....No you can't ride the helly kopter....No they won't film you clearing brush anymore...
Wednesday: No....No...You're not the president anymore....No you can't ride the helly kopter....No they won't film you clearing brush anymore...
Thursday: No....No...You're not the president anymore....No you can't ride the helly kopter....No they won't film you clearing brush anymore...
Friday: No....No...You're not the president anymore....No you can't ride the helly kopter....No they won't film you clearing brush anymore...
Saturday: No....No...You're not the president anymore....No you can't ride the helly kopter....No they won't film you clearing brush anymore...
Sunday: No....No...You're not the president anymore....No you can't ride the helly kopter....No they won't film you clearing brush anymore..
logsol
Why does John McCain so often contradict himself? Because forgetting things like how many houses you own and important policy statements that you made 2 or 4 years ago is being a Maverick.
Also he gets cranky when he can't get his Grand Slam breakfast at Dennys at 6:30 a.m
pistolSO
Right wing fundies know that Dinosaurs and Man walked the earth at the same time because the swa the documentry called "The Flintstones."
Miller415
GOP= D.E.N.I.A.L. (Don't Even NO! I Am Lying)
Tulips4Dolphins: sig line
The light bulb series:
How does Glenn Beck change a lightbulb?
He doesn't. He just cries and cries because the lightbulb is progressive.
"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." --M. L. King "You can't fix stupid" --Ron White
by zenbassoon on Thu Mar 11, 2010 at 02:38:54 PM MST
Nazis used light bulbs, didn't they? (6+ / 0-)
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; but in practice, there always is a difference. - Yogi Berra
by blue aardvark on Thu Mar 11, 2010 at 02:40:23 PM MST
* [new] And Republicans (4+ / 0-)
Tie their shoes in little nazis.
Die energie der Welt ist constant; die Entropie der welt strebt einem Maximum zu. - Rudolf Clausius, 1865
by xgy2 on Thu Mar 11, 2010 at 02:48:38 PM MST
* [new] Progressive lighbulbs change themselves. (6+ / 0-)
Glenn Beck is against it. He thinks old blown-out light bulbs that dont work should stay in their sockets and keep us all in the dark.
by GenXangster on Thu Mar 11, 2010 at 02:41:57 PM MST
* [new] this is my favorite so far! U rock! IMO eom (2+ / 0-)
GOP= D.E.N.I.A.L. (Don't Even NO! I Am Lying)
by TULIPS4DOLPHINS on Thu Mar 11, 2010 at 02:50:38 PM MST
If Sarah Palin can see Russia from her doorstep (yeah, right), does that make her a foreign policy expert?
"Well, I can see the moon. Does that make me a f*cking astronaut?"
nzanne
How does Sarah Palin change a light bulb?
She doesn't - not enough people think she can do it, so someone else is chosen instead. But she does follow up by asking "How's that lighty-changey thing is workin' out for you?"
lineatus
Q: How should you shake Dick Cheney's hand?
A: With your left hand. Because his right arm spent 8 years up inside George W. Bush.
Hunter Huxley
What is the best part about being a right wing, socially conservative, gun loving, liberal hating anti-socialist member of congress?
All the hot man on man lovin'.
udibar
"You see, having Fox and MSNBC on adjacent channels is a lot like having a self-help clinic next to a circus tent. The folks who visit the clinic find themselves armed with vital and useful information. The folks who visit the circus are left with nothing but the lingering odor of elephant dung."
Raconteurion