Good news! I just landed a gig as commandant at one of Obama's new, top-secret FEMA detention centers! My center is currently under construction at an undisclosed location. When completed, it will house up to 3,000 dissenters, primarily Tea Party members, who will be rounded up at rallies set up by Tea Party infiltrators.
The camp will be staffed by guards from SEIU and ACORN. Detainees will be indoctrinated in the glories of socialism. Reverend Wright will be the chaplain at my new center!
Granted, most of the detainees will end up being old, fat white men, but they will all be put to work on our Peoples Farming Cooperative where they will carry out tasks like planting (Red) Chinese herbs and vegetables while taking daily courses in everything from "Sign Spelling Basics" to "The Dignity of the Proletariat" (taught by guest instructor Bill Ayers!) to "How to Use Dr. Bronner's Peppermint Soap for Everything from Showering to Washing the Dishes."
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I will be taking applications for staff positions in the coming weeks, and I hope to hire many folks from Daily Kos.
We will also be bringing in quite a few Kenyan Muslims, people Obama grew up with after he was born there.
As you know, many on the right have been fretting about Obama establishing a new civilian police force under his control, and this is the beginning of that effort. Our Fearless Leader's socialist/communist/Hitler-like tendencies will soon make themselves more readily apparent, as we have always planned.
One of our first steps, once we have rounded up a majority of dissenters, will be a state takeover of Fox News. Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly have already agreed to be collaborators, but Glenn Beck has no idea of what's coming. Even in his wildest chalkboard sessions -- when he would be connecting all kinds of disparate people, events and elements with arrows and lines and shouts and cries -- could he have imagined this lightning strike of socialism that is about to hit our great nation.
The time has finally arrived, comrades! Get your applications in early, as I will be making staffing decisions in the coming weeks!
BUT REMEMBER! KEEP THIS QUIET! THIS IS OUR SECRET UNTIL WE HAVE ALL THE ELEMENTS IN PLACE!
Post your resumes at the usual online spot. You know the code.
Update [2010-4-22 1:1:4 by Bob Johnson]:
IMMEDIATE NEED: We need a "disarmer" or "gun-taker-awayer" who can help us crush the Second Amendment rights of our (future) detainees before we start hauling them off. Anyone with experience disarming citizens, please rush your resume to the undisclosed location, ASAP!