Yep, it arrived. My husband is one of the 400,000 troops being asked to fill out the survey that may determine the fate of DADT.
A few days ago, after reading this diary by Dem Beans, I railed at my husband about the inadequacies of today's military leadership. I hadn't realized how upset I was until I started speaking, but in trying to explain the problems inherent in this survey, I ended up in tears. I always do that when I'm mad.
And I'm not just mad at the people who wrote this survey. You see, I'm mad at my husband for this survey. He didn't write it. He didn't ask for it. But he's a part of the system that produced it. As always, when we have this kind of a discussion, he plays devil's advocate. He embodies the Chain of Command and becomes the structure, the hierarchy, the bureaucracy, that created this mess. I end up feeling like I haven't made even a dent in his cool facade.
And now, he gets to answer this tainted survey for himself.
This is no longer an exercise in maybes. The problems with the survey are rampant and many of the questions asked have no good answer, in my opinion. Clarknt67 wrote a great diary explaining the multiple problems and the Pentagon reaction to them.
My husband will have to answer questions about showering with gays. My husband will have to answer questions about bunking with gays. And honestly, I don't think my husband's opinions should matter one damn bit. However, it is the opinions of my husband that could sway the jury, whoever they are, to repeal DADT immediately.
My husband's opinion shouldn't matter because the DoD doesn't ask soldiers, or airmen, or marines, or sailors what they think. They follow orders. It's why we've come to the conclusion that blaming war on our soldiers is just plain wrong. They have little to do with the decision making going on at the top of the chain of command. Difficult decisions are not made by consensus of the troops. Soldiers don't determine policy in the US Military. We've never asked for a show of hands about going to war. We've never asked the troops to fill out a survey to determine if women should serve in the military. The military is not a democracy. Opinions shouldn't matter. Facts should.
FACT - You can't tell if someone is gay or lesbian just because they act a certain way.
This entire survey is based on stereotyping someone's behavior. Do you think someone was gay? Might they have been gay? Did they act gay? You can't ask, Are they Gay, because that is illegal. Since most of these questions ask the military member to guess if someone they served with is gay or lesbian, it's bogus. They will take all the surveys and come up with conclusions like:
Troops serving under stereotypical gay commanders had poor morale.
Troops serving for a stereotypical gay commander did better than average.
Troops bunking with stereotypical gay roommates had a hard time doing a good job.
And if the gay people you served with didn't exhibit stereotypical behavior? Well, I guess you couldn't tell if they were gay or not. So you served with them but aren't able to say a damn thing about your morale or your job performance because you just didn't know. And that's about all that will happen when Gays and Lesbians are finally able to share their true identities with the rest of the military world. Nothing. Because it will be a non-issue 99.9% of the time.
Surveys in the military have traditionally been reserved for quality of life issues... do you like the food we serve and is your family happy with the Morale, Welfare, and Recreation program at your local base? Can we do more to help you in stressful times?
My husband has ever been asked if any of his past commanders did a poor job that was related to being latino, or white, or black, or a woman, much less a lesbian or a gay man. Hell, he's never been asked if someone's chosen religion prevented someone from doing a great job. Even if I believed being gay was a choice, who in the hell cares? A few people think the sky is about to fall if gays and lesbians can serve legally and proudly in our Armed Forces. It makes me so sad and so angry that the tears come back as I write this. I just don't get such ignorance.
If this survey is meant to gather information about quality of life, then I think we should be more concerned about the quality of life for those serving while keeping their sexuality a secret. It's not about the sex. It's about the relationships.
I can't imagine my husband going to work and not talking about his family. I can't imagine his desk without pictures of me and our kids. I can't imagine his bunk at his deployed location without drawings from our children or without letters from me by his bedside. I can't imagine doing without the ten minute calls where it was hard for him to say "I love you" without the other guys trying to pretend they couldn't hear a word. Deployment is no easy thing for a married man with a legal wife. It must be hell for a gay soldier with a partner at home who can't even say goodbye in front of the sqaudron for fear of letting others know that something just isn't right in the world of DADT.
Honestly, I should be happy that my husband will answer these questions. I do know that my husband spent enough years at UC Berkeley to have shared at least one gym locker room with multiple gay guys. And it didn't bother him then. I know that he stayed many a night in my apartment that I shared with a gay roommate, and it didn't bother him then. One of his first commanders had a friend that moved from base to base to live with her. Not a relation, just a friend. No one talked about it, no one considered it strange. What was strange is that she owned a Vietnamese Pot Bellied Pig the size of small cow. But her choice of roommate was her business. And what they did in their house together was their business too. Honestly, no one wants to think about their commander having sex. That's just weird.
When my husband fills out this survey, it will be anonymously. I double checked after reading in Dem Beans diary about problems with signing on. The soldier who claimed he needed to use his CAC card probably did not receive a survey. The survey site itself is not a government address. My husband has a pin number that will let the survey takers know that his survey has been answered. I do think that he can remain anonymous up to a point. If the survey takers have kept records of pin numbers and addresses, the DoD can access those records. But it is an extra step they would have to take - not like signing onto a military website with your identification card.
At the end you are offered the opportunity to submit a written comment:
Thank you for completing the survey. Your responses have been submitted.
There are two additional ways you can provide feedback to DoD about the repeal that are separate from the survey:
You can submit a written comment on the CRWG Online Inbox at www.defense.gov/dadt. Please note that the Online Inbox is a DoD website and a CAC card is required to access it.
In addition, if you would like to provide frank and candid input regarding your personal experiences in the military and how a repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell would affect you, please click here to have a confidential online dialogue/discussion with the private, non-DoD researchers administering this survey. This dialogue is separate from the survey. As with the survey, any personal information you provide will be kept private and will not be supplied to anyone – including DoD.
Note that the written comment is not anonymous because of the CAC card use. But they seem to be aware of the issue by providing a place to click and talk to non-DoD researchers. Would I do it? Hell, no. DADT is still the law of the land.