I brought Carrie to my motel room.
Yes, we made love,
and it was great,
but in between
doing that
for a few minutes
at first,
and a few minutes,
later,
we talked.
I realized,
as I was laying there beside Carrie,
that I mix up money
with sex
and friendship,
I mix that all up
in my equations,
the equations of trade,
quid pro quo,
that I always have
at the back of my mind.
To put it crudely,
if I give you my dick,
you should be my friend,
and help me
with whatever I need,
whenever I need it,
if you have it to give;
and I will do likewise,
of course.
I realized,
lying there beside Carrie,
that that
has been in the back of my mind.
A related thought,
that really made me cry,
is that while I was the husband
of Pam,
I felt that the big, bad world
would not fire me,
evict me,
make me homeless,
arrest me,
rape me in prison,
kill me,
throw me in a dumpster,
no one would do any of that to me,
because anyone would look at me,
and Pam,
together,
as a couple,
and they would know
that Pam needs me,
so they would not arrest me
or put me out in the streets.
Now, as a single man,
with two girlfriends,
I no longer feel as if
I am safe.
I do not feel safe.
I cried.
I felt so much better.
Carrie told me about her fears;
she cried;
she felt better.
We had a great time.
Hard to say which was better,
the sex,
or the crying.
I say, the combination.
We needed both.
As I took her back to her apartment,
her Dolly Parton tape was playing,
and just as we arrived
at her apartment,
Dolly was singing,
"I Will Always Love You."
The words fit our situation,
I needed to leave her,
but I love her.
But Dolly,
and that song,
is over the top!
Made me cry a little, again.
I took Carrie inside,
said goodbye,
hit the road.
I drove 25 miles south,
to LaCrosse,
before I refueled.
I had a great trip back.
I made love with Bev,
at about 3AM,
and it was the best sex I have ever had.
Seems odd to say, because sex is usually great,
but for some reason,
it was so intense....
the best I ever had.
I really do want to write about philosophy,
and contraception,
and communism,
and smoking,
but I gave you a slice of life this time.
Enjoy,
if you can.