Esby here, and Fred Phelps posted my bail! You may remember last week I was arrested in a Victoria's Secret for defending the War on Christmas. Although the celebrated day of Christmas has passed, we all know the REAL day of Christmas is January 6th right?
It was moved to December 25th because a pagan holiday threatened to overshadow the birth of Christ. Or, to put it in modern terms, it's like scheduling Third Day to play on the same day that Burning Man is going on. So now we are protesting that no one is saying Merry Christmas because it's not Christmas and we have to tell them it's Christmas and people aren't going to buy Hollister t-shirts or carstaches if they don't know about the baby Jesus!
Merry Christmas everybody!
For them to legislate when they’ve collectively lost their mandate just shows the arrogance of the ruling elite.
—Mark Meckler of the Tea Party Patriots, on the lame duck session.
Usually the only man date Republicans have is a male intern.
As long as you have a Democratic president and a Democratic-controlled Senate, I don’t think there are many people who are expecting that the government’s going to be transformed overnight into something in the image of the Tea Party. That would be delusional.
—Incoming Senator Mike Lee (R, UT)
That's the first adjective I think of when thinking of the Tea Party.
This is why it's impossible to negotiate with Lindsey Graham. He cantilevers so wildly between contradictory positions, and if you are not there, waiting to catch him as he hurls himself hither and yon -- like a trust exercise gone terribly wrong -- and he hits the ground, he will go all red in the face and start crying and you'll never hear the end of it, because like his perma-Prom Date John McCain, he is a world-record holding grudge-holder.
—Huffington Posts's Jason Linkens
I suspect Richard Burr will pay a high electoral price for his actions but whether it boots him from office next time is unknown,”. I know I won’t be supporting him even if he does have an R after his name.
—Mecklinburg County Commissioner Bill James.
Great timing! Totally ruins his chances for reelection in...2016.
It's so hard to read all those words.
—Alan Colmes to Judith Miller on the 2000 page healthcare bill on Fox News.
Something fishy is going on here. Show us the library card!
—Eric Kleefeld on Talking Points Memo about Michele Bachmann saying she was inspired to be a Republican after reading Gore Vidal's Burr.
A Nexis search showed her saying she became a Republican after reading Vidal's 1876.
WikiLeaks will expose financial scandals in 2011.
—The "Nostradamus of the Middle East" Michael Hayek
It helps that Forbes reported this in November.
A convicted child molester doesn't get to adopt kids.
—Tucker Carlson on Michael Vick saying he wants to get a dog someday, after walking back his statement that Vick should be executed.
Carlson then walked back his statement about calling Vick a child molester. Ironically, PETA made the same charge.
And that is where we are today, in 2011: we are no longer responsible for our words, as long as we can point to a time where we "walked it back." You know, someone should really hit Darrel Issa across the face with a burlap sack of used heroin needles. I really believe that, enough to say publicly! BUT NOW I AM GOING TO WALK THAT BACK: Darrel Issa is awesome!
—Jason Linkens
You want a right to abortion? There's nothing in the Constitution about that. But that doesn't mean you cannot prohibit it. Persuade your fellow citizens it's a good idea and pass a law. That's what democracy is all about. It's not about nine superannuated judges who have been there too long, imposing these demands on society.
—Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia
Anti-activist judge encourages activism?
My expectation, my hope is that John Boehner and Mitch McConnell will realize that there will be plenty of time to campaign for 2012 in 2012.
—President Barack Obama
This guy, this guy has some snark left in him.
It is like going to Las Vegas and saying, ‘I put my quarter in the machine and out came a hundred dollars.’ Yes. Now put another quarter in and see if you get another hundred.
—Thomas Sowell on the GM bailout.
That is, if you make the analogy that Made in America is the same as gambling.
A few media types seem to have taken seriously my announcement of a planned “secret” White House meeting between President Obama and Lowry. Desirable and interesting though such a meeting might be, I was joking.
—Rich Lowery on The Corner.
He probably meant the Waffle House.
The blizzard is definitely a force for conservatism, and not only because it has had the global-warming crowd scrambling for explanations.
—Charlotte Hays, on The Corner.
Only because you're still calling it "global warming". Even so, the current raise in temperature of less than a degree in the last century on average? Still means it's going to fucking snow, genius.
Watch ABC’s Modern Family. The sitcom is supposed to be “subversive” in part because it features a gay couple with an adopted daughter from Asia. And you can see why both liberal proponents and conservative opponents of gay marriage see it that way.
—National Review's Jonah Goldberg.
Dude, can you give us a tour of your brain some day, just to see how it works?
Quote the Ravin', a weekly roundup of quotes from around the internets, comes out every Tuesday around lunchtime. Or dinnertime. What have you.