Welcome to the O'Reilly Factor.
Some people have told me that the moon causes the tides. Yet I have also heard people tell me that the moon is made of cheese. So who am I to believe, God or the French? The tides go up and down because there is no miscommunication, unlike the one between me and my third grade teacher.
Speaker Boehner needs to get his orange head in the game! He could not name a single government program that he would eliminate. How about the Departments of Health and Human Services, Education, Justice, Labor, Management and Budget (too many regulators) and of course the U.N. Representative. Why do we have these programs in the first place? They are all a drain on the Department of Defense. Look, I know we spend more on our military than all other countries combined, but we need new nuclear weapons and war planes. Where else are we gonna find fuel, algae plumes? That is highly doubtful! Speaker, put your gavel where your mouth is!
Ted Williams is after my job! He is called the man with the golden voice, and he is working for MSNBC. I swear, living on the street does strange things to people. I know my producer who I laid off has gone crazy after living on the street. I asked for a decaf mocha, not a regular. That'll show her! Why can't they just go to their winter home in Aspen when the snow hits? I don't understand. If you are after my job, Mr. Williams, there is no replacing these golden chops. Remember that.
This has been The Factor for this week. Join us next time when I dance to Van Morrison's famous song Moondance to appease the Gods!